From Bleak to Bleaker
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: Sequel. After defeating the evil sponge, things get even weirder in the Ketchum house. The action goes on.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 : From Bleak to Bleaker

_Okay, everybody, here's the start of one wacky sequel. Hope you like. I don't own anybody except Carid. _

* * *

It had been two weeks since Molly Hale came to live with the Ketchums because her father had a mental breakdown (and got executed). In fantasy, having five children , a Mr. Mime, an over-optimistic mother, and a an over-douchy father, this should have been the perfect household. In reality, it was hell.

" _MOOOOM !_ Molly stole Pikachu again ! "

Fourteen year old Ash Ketchum ran down the stairs, his face in a huffy state. Giovanni looked right at him. " Are you that stupid ? Your mother said that she was going to be at Oaky's lab today, " he muttered, rolling his eyes.

Ash glared at his father. " Since when do _you_ have kitchen privileges ?! "

" I don't know...maybe since those stupid molesting sea creatures almost killed us all and the fact that I've been paying rent for three weeks now ! "

" Hmph. Or is it that you slept in bed with Mom last Tuesday ? "

Giovanni paled. " Why, you little son of a bi- "

" Hey ! Can't you two quit it for five minutes ?! "

Misty, Carid, and Domino glared at them. Domino held up a clock. " It's seven in the morning. Could you at least take this quarrel outside ?! "

" No..._**'CAUSE THIS IS MY HOUSE !**_ " Ash yelled.

**MALLET !**

_" WELL, SHUT THE HELL UP ! "_ Misty barked.

Carid nodded as she smacked Ash. " And for the last time, _please _flush the damn toilet ! "

Molly came rushing down, grinning at Ash. " Lookie, Ash ! Pikachu's more adorable ! "

The yellow little rat had a pink bow on its head. Dressed in all pink, Pikachu gave a small whining noise.

Next to him was Persian, dressed in a frilly blue dress. Ash sweatdropped. " What the hell did you _do_ ?! "

" I made him prettier. That's what, " Molly replied.

" He's a _dude_, not a chick ! "

" Eh. Teddiursa liked it ! "

" That's because it's a girl ! "

" Hmph ! Well, Persian seemed to like it ! "

Persian made a small wailing noise and gave a pitiful look at Giovanni, who groaned. " Uh, Molly ? Do you mind doing it somewhere else ? "

" Oh, you mean drown them ? "

O.O _" NO ! "_

Molly giggled. " So, Ashy, when is Auntie Delia coming back ! "

Ash glared at the eight - year old. " First off, we're not even related. Second, I have no idea. "

Misty sighed. " She said she was coming back around lunchtime. "

" Oh. "

-knock-knock-knock-

Domino's eyes bulged. " Oh, crap ! The Boss finally found out that I've been missing work ! "

" Domino...I _am_ your boss ! " Giovanni hissed.

" Oh. Right. "

Carid gave a small grin. " Maybe it's Floyd. He wanted to play Guitar Hero sometime this week. "

" Maybe it's Gary, " Ash murmured. " We could finally dump a certain someone in his dad's trash can. "

-.- " Don't think about it, Red. "

" You are no fun, Dad. "

Misty clapped her hands. " Maybe it's Dawn ! "

All of them raced to the door to find an eight - year old boy with blue hair and glasses standing on the front doorstep. Beside him was a Ralts, who was holding a PokeNav. The boy smiled. " Hi, Misty ! I didn't know you were here ! " he cooed.

It was none other than Max Maple, younger brother of May and son of gym leader, Norman.

Ash grimaced. " Max ? What are you doing here ? Are you with that kook Birch again ? "

Max shook his head. " No, I needed to get away from ho- who's this ?! "

He turned to see Molly, who smiled. " Hi. I'm Molly Hale. "

" I'm Max Maple. Nice to meet you. "

" Same here, Max. Uh...you're not a robot, are you ? "

Max started blushing. " Darn it, I wish that wolf creature would stop making rumors about me ! "

Molly also blushed. " Well, why don't you come in ? "

" I'd be delighted. "

Ash put his body between the two kids. " Hey, Mol, what gives you the authority to invite people inside my home ?! "

The girl grinned. " Well... "

_**SMACK ! MALLET ! PURSE !**_

The teenager fell to the floor as Misty, Carid, and Domino started beating the crap out of him. Molly took Max's hand and stuck her tongue out at Ash. " Well, that. "

* * *

" So, Max, why are you here ? " Misty inquired.

" Well, the usual. Dad's having a nervous breakdown, Mom's going psycho again, and May keeps trying to kill me by drowning me in the bathtub since she's jealous, " Max coolly replied. " You know, the typical family. Now that Mom's secretly seeing (and controlling) that Cianwood City gym leader, Chuck, she's been pretty violent. It was just two days ago that she tried to chop me in two with an axe. And Dad keeps losing at gym battles, so he's been heavy on the prescriptions. "

Carid patted him on the head. " It's okay, Max. "

Domino winked at the little boy. " Yeah, sweetie. You seem to have a companion that can relate to you. "

Molly nodded. " Yep. We're all buddies ! "

Giovanni, who looked half disinterested, scratched his head. " Great. We already have one retarded hyper kid in this house, and now we have to deal with some emotionally abused nerdy kid that plays Tales of Symphonia all day ?! "

Max looked at the older man. " Ash is the hyper kid, right, Mr. Mailman ? "

-.- " Yes, but I am not a freaking mailman ! "

" Oh. So...who are you again ? " Max asked, fiddling with his glasses.

" Uh, sadly I'm Ash's father. "

" Whoa ! Ash has a _father _?! " Max exclaimed. " I thought Ash was adopted 'cause his parents dumped him in a garbage can when he was a baby ! "

Ash glared at Max. " You little _bastard_ ! "

" Hey, didn't your mother warn you about cursing out the little kids ?! " Giovanni growled.

" And didn't you say you had a thing for my mom ? " Ash retorted.

_**" I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS, YOU LITTLE BASTARD ! "**_

Ash 'eeped' and ran outside of the house. Giovanni chased after him, with a belt in his hand.

The five other kids sweatdropped. Max turned to Carid. " Are they always like this ? " he inquired.

Carid blushed. " Every day, Max. Every day."

* * *

Delia glared at the two guys. " You'd think after living for about a month together would pit you two closer into a bond, but I guess it's hopeless. "

Ash cleared his throat. " I'd like to say in my defense that he wouldn't let me say any curse words at Max, even though he said I was an adopted dumpster baby. "

" Yeah... "

Giovanni stood up from the chair he was sitting on. " And I would like to say in _my_ defense that Ash started it ! "

" Don't be such a douchebag, Dad ! " Ash cried. " Everyone knows that I am a happy little elfin creature. "

" More like a deranged goblin, if you ask me. "

" Oh, yeah ? Well, I'll give you some words. Stephen is the better dad. "

_**" YOU TAKE THAT BACK ! "**_

" I will...when you admit that you have a thing for Mom ! "

Delia groaned. " Sweetie, don't start this issue again. You're going to give your father a blood clot. "

Ash snickered. " No, he looks like he's gone on drugs. Better call the Betty Ford Clinic, Mom. "

" Hey, I'll admit you into a mental institution if you don't shut the hell up ! " Giovanni exclaimed.

" Should you really do that ? I still have records of you pissing in that bush. "

" And _I _have records of you pissing in your bed mulitple times ! "

" Heh ! Bring it on, old ma- "

_**SMACK ! PURSE !**_

_" BOTH OF YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW ! "_ Delia roared.

(Both) " Yes, ma'am. "

Delia smiled softly. " Good. Now, Max can stay with us as long as his parents are mentally disturbed. I don't mind. It just means that you and Misty will have to bunk together. I know you won't do anything wro- "

Ash scratched his head. " What was that, Mom ? "

* * *

(Delia's fantasy)

It's eleven o'clock in the morning. Delia pops in Ash's room to find...

_**" OH, GOD ! ARE YOU TWO NAKED ?! "**_

Ash starts to blush deeply. " Mom, I'm fourteen. I wouldn't do anything like that. After all, I'm responsible. "

Misty snorts in laughter. " Liar, " she mutters.

Delia sweatdrops and stares at the two teenagers before slowly walking out of the room and running out of the house, very ashamed.

* * *

O.o " On second thought, you can sleep in the tent with your father, " Delia murmured, slapping a hand to her forehead.

Ash scratched his head. " Why can't I sleep with Misty ? "

" Uh...'cause she needs her space. "

" ..._**I DO NOT THINK LIKE THAT ! "**_

" That's what your father said. "

Ash sweatdropped. " Yeah...I'll do it as long as you don't tell me about that story, " he said, paling.

Delia sighed. " Fine. Here, why don't I make a deal with you to make you feel better about sleeping with your 'enemy' ? We'll go on a date tomorrow and you can have the house to yourself, as long as one of your friends (besides Gary) is with you. Would you like that ? "

Ash nodded. " Sure, I would love tha-...wait a minute. "

(Everyone except Delia)_** " DID YOU JUST SAY DATE ?! "**_

-.- " Yes. I said date. And I didn't think you kids wouldn't stoop so low as to eavesdrop, either. "

All the kids sweatdropped. Giovanni facefaulted. Ash started laughing hysterically. " _**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !**_ That is _**soooo**_ funny. But Mom, it isn't April Fools yet ! "

T.T " I'm dead serious. "

Ash stuttered for a full five minutes before fainting. Delia laughed. " Well, what do you kids think about it ? "

(All kids)_** " YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME ! "**_

" No...I'm not. "

In an instant all of the older kids rushed for the door. Domino giggled. " Oh, that professor dude is gonna be _soooo_ jealous ! And Tracey is gonna crack up ! "

-poof x3!-

Molly sweatdropped. " Talk about gossip. "

Max wiped his glasses. " Are you sure about this, Miss Ketchum ? I mean, I don't know the mailman as well as you do, but I have a feeling that looks very bad. "

Delia softly patted Max's head. " Let's hope not, Max. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Okay. I'd like a plate of shrimp, " Delia replied._

_O.O " NOOOOO ! NO SEAFOOOOOOD ! "_

_" YOU STUPID PSYCHO ! NOT ALL SEAFOOD IS BAD, AND YOU KNOW i- "_

_Giovanni started banging his head with the menu. Delia sighed and turned back to the waiter, who sweatdropped heavily. " Don't worry - he'll stop after twenty minutes. "_

_O.o " Yeah...I'm gonna go now..."_

_The waiter quickly left and Delia bonked Giovanni's head with her purse. " Why can't you be less mental for a change ?! " she demanded._

_" Why can't you quit acting like a bitch whenever we're ou- "_

_SMACK !_

_" Sorry. Bad habit. "_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 : Date with Douchebag (and Ash on a Rampage)

_Okay, everybody. Over three thousand words - that's more than I've written in the story before this one. So...heads-up - Delia is extremely OOC (but that's because she's drunk). Actually, this whole chapter is OOCd. But even so, I lmaoed all through writing this. _

_Anyway, I only own Carid, Floyd, and Stephen. No Pokemon. _

* * *

The next day everything seemed to be in chaos. Pikachu was in a 'shocking' mood, Molly and Max were on a crayon eating rampage (even though they were eight, not two - O.o). Tracey was trying to make a pickle and ham sandwich (and ultimately failing). Domino was pouring mayonaise on his head. Ash was acting like an idiot (as usual). Carid had went to Floyd's house, and Misty was helping Gary set up a pong table in Ash's backyard.

And all of this was due to the alleged date that Delia was going to take with none other than the douchebag, Giovanni.

So everyone pretty much glared at him until dinner time, which was when Ash's parents were going to go.

Surprisingly, Ash was trying to give advice to Giovanni (even though he had never been on a real date in his life).

" Okay, Dad. What ever you do, do not act like a douchebag. "

" What the hell is wrong with you ?! " Giovanni hissed. " For the forty - second time, _I AM NOT A DOUCHEBAG ! "_

" Forty - _third,_ Dad. I've told you that forty - three times, " Ash said, snickering.

T.T " I swear, you act like a two year old. Hell, I think your friend Oaky is better at this type of thing than you are. That's pathetic. "

_" GARY CAN'T BEAT ME !_ I got fourth place in the Sinnoh League ! "

" And that was only because that emo kid had the flu and forfeited. "

" Hmph. If you kidnap Mom, I will hurt you. "

" You know very damn well I won't ! "

" Hehehe...'cause you like her. "

_**" GET OUT OF MY GOTDAMN TENT NOW ! "**_

Ash walked out of the tent. " What a horrible temper, " he mused. " Dad, make sure you don't hurt yourself with your anger. "

_**" SHUT UP ! "**_

* * *

Meanwhile, Misty was pacing back and forth before climbing into a chair. Domino stared at her. " So, Mist. What are we gonna do while Miss Delia and um...you know... is gone ? Wanna order a pizza ? "

" I don't know. Ash is the one who lives here. So...it's a definite yes. "

" Hmm. I'm going to invite Tracey. Carid's inviting Floyd, and Gary's coming over stag. Even Molly and Max are a couple. So...what's up with you and Ash ? "

Misty shrugged. " Well, for starters, he's the most immature guy I ever met. Sometimes I want to scream at him and go out with Gary. But, he's a good guy. "

Domino sat next to her. " Are you two dating ? "

Misty gave a sad sigh. " No. Ash does not know the meaning of the word 'girlfriend'. I guess his parents never taught him that, though I've heard he once had a relationship with Gary, but that was when they were five. It didn't last long. "

" Hehehehe...I wonder...Misty, have you ever wondered how Ash's parents started dating back in the day ? "

" I don't know. Neither one wants to talk about it. "

" I have an idea - we can check out the written evidence ! "

" You mean photos and love letters and taped-over videos ?! "

Domino nodded. " Yep. "

" Oh, hell, yeah ! "

* * *

Soon, it was time to see the parents off. Giovanni seemed normalized, wearing a white collared t-shirt and red tie, with khaki pants and his usual brown shoes.

Delia, on the other hand, looked like a pregnant woman, wearing a light green hospital gown. Ash sweatdropped. " Mom...what the hell ? "

" Oh, give me a break, Ash. I think this dress makes me look good, " Delia said, giggling.

" It looks horri- "

**SMACK !**

Giovanni gave a nervous chuckle. " It looks nice, Delia, " he said, glaring at Ash.

" Okay. "

Ash glared at his father. " Dad, what the he-"

" Hey, if you get your mother pissed now, I'm going to get bitched at for two hours straight, " Giovanni whispered. " So, if you keep quiet about that hideous outfit, I'll give you five dollars when we come back. "

" Make it twenty and you have a deal. "

" Wha- _fine_ ! Twenty, and no more. "

Carid grinned. " Don't worry, Auntie. You'll be fine. Right, Floyd ? "

The boy beside her nodded. He, a boy of sixteen and four foot, had dark purple hair up to his shoulders. He had navy blue eyes that were the color of the midnight sky. He was wearing a gray shirt and shorts. " Yep. It's all cool. "

Delia laughed softly. " Thanks, Floyd. Okay. It's six - thirty right now...we should get back at nine. Money is on the table only for pizza - no DVDs, no makeup, no demolition derby cars, and _**NO ROBOTS ! "**_

Ash and Gary started whistling innocently. Delia groaned. " Molly, Max - please go to bed at eight - thirty, before all the older boys start acting like dumb - asses. Misty, make sure Ash has no caffeine. Uh, Domino. _Please_ don't try to wash the furniture again. Tracey, make sure you don't get thrown into anything glass. And everyone, please...no bathtub jousting. We do not need a repeat of the Meryl Flow concert. That poor woman. "

Gary grinned. " No problem, Miss K ! We won't give any broken ankles to anybody - we're all good ! "

" Okay, kids. Bye - bye ! "

Giovanni waved a hand. " Uh...bye. Make sure you don't kill each other. "

The two adults walked out of the house with ease. So did Floyd. " I gotta go, " he mumbled. " Trinity Blood is on. "

-poof!-

-.- " Carid, you have one weird boyfriend. "

_**" SHUT UP, ASH ! "**_

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Delia and Giovanni had finally made it to their destination - Denny's. Giovanni scowled. " How the hell did we end up at Denny's ?! "

Delia gave a fake gasp. " Oh, gee ! You don't like Denny's ? " she asked.

" No, I do- ...-.- You planned this, didn't you ? "

" Yes. Yes, I did. "

* * *

Another twenty minutes later, a waitress asked them what they wanted to eat.

" Okay. I'd like a plate of shrimp, " Delia replied.

O.O _" NOOOOO ! NO SEAFOOOOOOD ! "_

_**" YOU STUPID PSYCHO ! NOT ALL SEAFOOD IS BAD, AND YOU KNOW i- "**_

Giovanni started banging his head with the menu. Delia sighed and turned back to the waiter, who sweatdropped heavily. " Don't worry - he'll stop after twenty minutes. "

O.o " Yeah...I'm gonna go now..."

The waiter quickly left and Delia bonked Giovanni's head with her purse. " Why can't you be less mental for a change ?! " she demanded.

" Why can't you quit acting like a bitch whenever we're ou- "

_SMACK !_

" Sorry. Bad habit. "

" Oh, God. Did your mother hit you in the head with a stick when you were a kid and now you have brain damage ?! "

Giovanni choked back a small sob. " Broomstick, actually. I have the stitches to prove it. "

Delia sighed. " You know what ? Forget I ever asked. I don't have the patience to deal with drama today. "

" Fine. "

The woman chugged at the glass of wine. " Hope the kids don't hurt each other, " she muttered. " Especially Ash. "

_" I NEED CORNBREAD ! "_

T.T " Damn it, Giovanni, are you drunk _already _?! "

" I sneaked some alcohol on the road, yes. But...but I am not drunk ! "

**PURSE !**

_" YOU IDIOT ! "_

_**" YAAAAAAAH ! SMURF ! "**_

Delia started banging her head on the table. " You're sad. Very, very sad. "

* * *

Molly and Max were in bed already. It was about eight o'clock. The six teenagers were scanning the attic for anything with mush or love in it. So far, it had failed.

Then, Ash called everyone over. " Hey ! I found what we're looking for ! Animal Safari Four ! "

**MALLET !**

" Ash, we're looking for written evidence ! " Misty hissed. " Not that stupid movie ! "

" But this is written evidence ! " Ash retorted. " It has a whole stack of papers and photos in it ! Look ! "

Gary shoved Ash out of the way and peered inside the box. " Whoa. Ketchum made a discovery. "

Domino cackled. " Let the blackmailing begin ! " she exclaimed.

* * *

" Whoa, Ash. I never knew your dad was such...a mushy guy ! " Tracey said. He started reading off a piece of paper. _" Delia, I need five boxes of macaroni or Maxie will kill me. "_

All the girls sighed happily. Carid cleaned her glasses. " That was sweet. Auntie must like threatening grocery lists. "

Tracey sweatdropped. " No, there's more, " he said. _" I also need to find my car, because that stupid Magma asshole impounded it. Uh...I think I'm in Mt. Chimney. I'm not sure. Anyway, make sure that Ash doesn't find the shotgun in my underwear drawer, or all hell will break loose. And yes, you're just finding out about it. So...yeah. I'll make sure to get out of here soon (when Maxie gets high on crack). Your pitied husband, Giovanni. "_

Ash started laughing. " Hehehehe. My dad's so pathetic. "

Gary sighed. " That's sad. Your dad has always made enemies. "

" Yeah...Thanks a lot, Tracey. Now I have to supress another memory. "

Misty shrugged. " Hey, Ash. Did you ever find that shotgun ? "

" Yep ! It was hell ! "

" He shot poor Grandpa in the stomach, " Gary said, faking a tear. " That poor, desperate, desperate, _desperate_ man. "

-.- " Thanks for making me feel better. "

" No problem ! "

* * *

Eight glasses of wine later, Delia was wasted. Eating five plates of shrimp and some onion rings had not done her any better, either. " Hey, Gio. I think we need to go home now, " she said, hiccupping.

Giovanni, who was slightly less drunk, nodded. " Yep. Uh, I paid the bill. But, who's driving ? "

" I will. I'm more sober. "

" No, you're not. I am ! I'm also the one that won the fight against the Quaker Oat Man ! "

_**" I SAID I'M (HIC) DRIVING ! "**_

" It's _my_ car, though ! " Giovanni whined. " And I just got it fixed ! "

" Too late ! You already gave me the keys ! "

" What the hell...oh, yeah ! Okay, sweetie. You drive. And I'll make sure to hurt that pixie when we're home ! "

Delia gave an alcohol-induced laugh. " Okay ! You can use the Lysol to defeat it ! "

" All right...Delia ? "

" Yeah ? "

" Does the doughnut man sell nachoes ? "

" Whoa ! I have_ noooo_ idea ! We'll...we'll have to check that out on eBay. "

Giovanni laughed. " Yeah. Maybe he can rent us out a place for a luau. "

" Mmmm. Roasted Psyduck on a Stick. Misty would help...'cause her Psyduck is retarded ! "

" Yeah, with some cat food. "

-gasp- " Oh, my gosh. I _love_ cat food ! "

" So do I ! "

" Wow. I never would have thought. "

" Me neither ! "

" Okay, let's go. "

* * *

By now it was near ten o'clock. The teenagers were still reading the box of 'love letters'. It was Ash's turn.

He chuckled. " Okay. How about this ? " he inquired. _" Delia, if you're reading this, then this means I lost Ash._ (Wait. What the hell ?) _Somehow I lost him somewhere in Fuchsia City with the Oak boy. I think they're in the marsh, but I cannot be sure. Anyway, I'm somewhere in Hoenn, getting the crap beaten out of me by this guy named Norman, just because I kicked him in his happy place. What a retard. Love, Giovanni._ (Wait a minute..._**WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS F--KING GUY ?!)**_ "

Domino shrugged. " I always thought he was eccentric. "

Misty giggled. " I always thought your dad was a drifting hobo. "

Ash glared at Misty. " Damn it, shut up about my dad being homeless already ! "

" Might as well. He's living in a tent, Ash. "

The boy started blushing. " Oh, yeah..."

Tracey sighed. " Well, that's the end of that. "

Gary yawned. " Okay, let's watch Scream now ! "

Carid grinned, holding a bag of popcorn. " Come on ! Horror movies ! "

(x6) " _HORROR MOVIEEEEEES ! "_

* * *

Officer Jenny whacked her billy club impatiently. " For the fifth time, ma'am - _**GET OUT OF THE FLIPPIN' CAR ! "**_

Delia stumbled out of the car and grinned. " Heeeeey, Jenny ! " she shouted. " What do you want me for ? I'm sorry for running over those three stop signs ! "

O.O " No...are you sober ? "

" Of course I am ! " Delia bellowed. " Ask Douchy, here ! "

Jenny turned to Giovanni, who paled. " Yeah. " He leaned closer to her ear. " If I say no, she will kill me. She's...she's like that when she's (hic) drunk. "

" Okay, then. Ma'am, can I check your license and proof of registration ? "

Delia nodded. " Sure. But this isn't my car. It's Douchy. He let me drive it. "

Jenny sweatdropped as she checked the license. " It says here you've had five D.U.I.s in the past year - and all of them are from tonight ! "

" Yeah, that last Jenny was _so_ pissed off at me. "

" Well, I'm afraid I have to give you another one...and a court date. "

" Sure ! " Delia replied cheerily. " No problem. "

0.0 " You have a weird mind, lady. "

**PURSE !**

" Thank you ! "

* * *

" Damn it, it's already eleven - thirty ! " Ash said, yawning. " Where the hell are they ?! "

Ash, Tracey, Domino, and Misty were all on the couch, finishing the movie. Carid had already went to bed. Gary told everyone to go to Hell before leaving.

So the four of them were yawning before Delia opened the door. " He_eeeey_. Ashy, I need you to wake me up early tomorrow. "

" Uh, why ? "

" I got in a fight with Officer Jenny and got a D.U.I. "

"_ Several_ D.U.I.s, " Giovanni happily butted in.

Ash sweatdropped. " Mom, are you drunk ? "

" _Noooooo,_ I am just intoxicated ! "

" Miss Ketchum, you're obviously drunk, " Tracey said.

_**" NO, I'M NOT ! "**_

Tracey cringed. " Yes, ma'am. "

Delia smiled. " Anyway, all of you guys have to go home...'cause me and Mr. Ketchum are gonna have...you know...sex. "

O.O " Where at ? " Ash inquired.

_**" GO TO YOUR ROOM, MAX ! "**_ Delia roared.

" He's not Max, " Misty said. " He's Ash. "

" No, he's not. Ash is skinnier and has that damn awful hat on his head. Max doesn't ! "

" Uh, I'm at home. I don't need a hat, " Ash replied.

Domino nodded. " Yeah. And besides, Max is cuter. "

" Okay, then. You kids go home. We need space for the Pillsbury dough boy, " Giovanni slurred, tapping the couch.

Tracey quickly fled the house, screaming for his sanity. Ash, Misty, and Domino slowly went upstairs before peeking down at the couch. As they watched, Delia and Giovanni had...(uh, M rated things that I cannot discuss, but we all know what they did).

And as soon as everyone else fell asleep, one voice was heard clearly across Pallet Town.

_**" SOOOOOOON OOOOFFFFF AAAAAAA BIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTCHHHHHH ! "

* * *

**_

(Next day...)

**LYSOL CAN THE COUCH x150 !**

Ash ran back and forth the house spraying anything in sight at five - thirty in the morning. Not even Pikachu was up and about out of bed. The traumatizing events of the day called yesterday had given him insomnia.

When Ash had finally used up all of the Lysol that was in his house, he grabbed Giovanni's leg and slammed the man very hard into the wall. _" YOU STUPID F--KING SON OF A BITCHING **BASTAAAAAAARD** ! "_ Ash screamed.

The teenage boy left the house only to return with an electric chainsaw and a Michael Myers mask. In a flash, he sliced the couch in half with the weapon. Following the couch's demise was three chairs, the kitchen pantry door, the kitchen pantry, and the refrigerator.

Then came the axe.

With a George Washington - like chop, he chopped the table, the clock, and the front door right before Stephen Oak came in.

" Uh, Ash ? I know everyone wants to keep it a secret, but are you on crack ? " he asked.

" No._** GIOVANNI VIOLATED MY MOM AND HE MUST PAAAAAAAY ! "**_

**-poof-on-rampagex1!-**

Stephen sweatdropped. " Yep. There will be more than that came from. "

**TENT'D !**

_" WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ?! "_

Once again, Misty, Carid, and Domino were all filled with fury. Stephen tutted. " Mr. Ash is having a psycho rampage, ladies. "

Misty gawked at the furniture. " Did he slice the couch in half ?! "

" Yeah. I think he borrowed my chainsaw for that. "

T.T " That must be why Uncle Red looks like he got slammed in the wall. "

Stephen laughed. " Yep. Ketchum just got beaten by his psychopath son. That's sad. "

Suddenly, Ash came back inside the house, looking innocent. He quietly crept over to Giovanni and grabbed his wallet, taking a hundred dollar bill. " Okay. Rampage back on, " he said.

**GIOVANNI THROUGH THE WINDOW x5!"**

Two hours later, Ash finally stopped the rampage and dropped Giovanni on the floor. Persian sweatdropped. He grinned. " Okay, who's up for breakfast ? "

Stephen raised his hand. " Ooh, I am ! I'd like some waffles ! "

Ash's grin grew broader. " Sure thing, Daddy ! "

" Daddy ? Awwwww, Ash. Of _course_ I'll be your dad ! " Stephen replied. " I'm proud to be the father of a psycho ! In fact, I think I have some bumper stickers saying that ! "

-.- " I will never ever understand this family, " Misty muttered.

" Yay ! Can we go to Ihop ?! Pl_eeeeaaa_se ?! "

" Sure thing, Ashy , my boy. I need to do one thing, though. "

Stephen walked over to Delia and placed his hand into a wrong place until he revealed a pair of pink underwear in his hands. " See ? Everything's okay, Ash. At least your old dad didn't give her an infection ! "

" Wow, Dad ! You're s_ooooo_ awesome ! My old dad only got into Mom's pants ! "

" Yeah. And that was literally ! "

" Same with you ! " Domino hissed.

" Maybe so. Still... "

Ash laughed. " Oh, Dad ! You're s_ooooo_ awesome. "

Suddenly the teenage boy turned into a dramatic blue. " I need therapy real badly -starts sobbing hysterically-. I'm sorry, New Daddy. You have to go before I go into another rampage. "

Stephen started crying in dramatic effect. " I understand, Ash ! Maybe someday we can stop hating each other's families ! "

-wail- " That would be _awesooooome_ ! "

The man and child started crying in a hug. Carid sweatdropped. " Unbelievable. Mr. Oak must be drunk. There's no contest. "

-sob- " You're right, Carid. I am. I am drunk ! But..._**I STILL LOVE ASHY ! "**_

O.O " _**GOOD GRIEF ! YOU'RE BOMBED ! "**_

Stephen gave a small nod. " Yeah...I should go. Remember, Ashy, I will forget all of this when I get up, hung, but you must bear the memories in your mind ! "

_" I WIIIILL ! "_

" Right. I must go. Anything you need before I crash in my bed ? "

" Yes..._**MY MOM'S UNDERWEAR ! "**_

-.- " Oh. Right. That. Here you go. "

_-POOF!-_

Ash continued to cry hysterically as he flung the underwear at Delia, who woke up and looked at everything wide - eyed. _" WHO THE HELL WRECKED MY FLIPPING HOUUUUUUSE ?! "_

(All the girls) " Ash. "

Delia scratched her head as she looked at the bawling boy. " Um...yeah. What exactly did I do to him again ? "

Misty cleared her throat. " Uh, you scarred him for life by having you-know-what on the couch. "

O.O " I _didn't_. "

" Yep ! " Domino spoke up. " Thank Mew Tracey didn't see. "

" Oh...I will never ever, ever,_ ever_ live through this. "

Suddenly Molly ran downstairs. " Cool ! Did Ash go on a rampage ?! "

Carid nodded. " Molly, just go back to bed. "

" Okay ! "

Delia moaned. " Okay, then...and what happened to him ? " she asked, pointing to Giovanni.

" Ash threw him against the wall, " Misty replied. " We didn't see it, but the damage proves all. By the way, you have a court date. "

-sigh- " I know. "

She walked over to where Ash was having his insanity fit and tapped him on the shoulder. " Ash. What you saw yesterday was all in the power of alcohol, " Delia murmured. " I'm sure you will forget about it when you're fifty-five, so it's not a memory you'll remember all your life. "

" Yeah...but still...I have one piece of evidence that will keep me set. "

" Hmm ? What's that ? "

Ash stood up and started dancing with maracas. "_ DAD LIKES MO - OOM ! DAD LIKES MO - OOM !_ _**DAAAAAD**_ _LIKES_ _**MO - OOOOOOM ! "**_

Everyone facefaulted. Giovanni, who just woken up, moaned. " I feel like I had a terrible dream. I dreamt that Red was wrecking the furniture and finally had proof to embarrass me for life. "

As he saw Ash dancing around the broken furniture, he sweatdropped. " It wasn't a dream, was it ? "

Delia sighed. " Nope. "

" I am so_oooo_ f--king screwed, aren't I ? "

" Yep. "

" Okay. I'm gonna live back in the tent. "

Immediately Giovanni spotted the tent, all crumpled up in pieces. " Or not. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_" Hi ! I'm Mondo ! "_

_" Where are you from again ? " Ash asked._

_" Oh, well, I'm from that one Drama CD ! I was also the mascot for K-Mart before they kicked me out because I tried to do suicide ! "_

_O.o " Yeah... Who are you for again ? "_

_-sob- " Domino. "_

_" Oh. Well, Blondie's hooked up with Tracey now. "_

_" Is he a dude ? "_

_" Well...yeah. "_

_" NOOOOO ! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENIIIIING ! "_

_" Yeah..."_

_-slams door-_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 : Suicidal Boyfriend (a.k.a. Mondo)

_All right, everyone. We have some great things in this chapter. A more bitchier Jessie in a flashback, Ash actually being smart on something (OO) , suicidal Mondo, and an extra surprise at the end. Enjoy, and cookies are in the fridge for any reviewers or people who fav this ! _

* * *

During the time that Delia had to go to her court hearing for breaking the law and getting v_eeee_ry wasted, Ash was sitting on the couch playing Blastoise Blackjack with Domino.

" Damn it ! How do you always win ?! " Ash demanded, heaving the pack of cards into the nearest garbage can (or closet).

" Uh, 'cause your stupid, " Domino coolly replied, sipping at a glass of iced tea.

" Well, how the hell did you end up living here anyway ?! Why can't you live with your flippin' boyfriend, Tracey ?! "

Domino sighed. " Oh, Ashy. If only you knew the kind of crappy life I live, what with being bitched at by your dad for spilling coffee on him and all. "

" So ?! Tracey has a worse life than you ! We found him in the Orange Islands , and we later found out that he was a homeless guy and his mom is that Vicodin-addicted Professor Ivy ! " _(reference to Chapter 17 of Giovanni's New Neighbor) _

" Eh. I'm eighteen. I have three more years before I'm a legitimate adult. So sue me. I'm going over to the kitchen and help Molly score some pointers with that cute nerdy kid. "

The blonde haired girl left Ash to curse and shout.

* * *

A few minutes later, somebody knocked on the door. Ash grumbled as he got a stress mark in one of his veins. _" HEY ! SOMEBODY OPEN THE FLIPPIN' DOOR ! "_

Nobody responded, since Domino, Molly, Max, Misty, and Carid were outside in the back and completely ignoring the teenage boy. Ash cursed as he opened the door to a tall boy with medium-long brown hair wearing a blue striped white shirt and shorts. " Uh, who the hell are you ? " Ash asked.

" Hi ! I'm Mondo ! "

" Where are you from again ? " Ash asked.

" Oh, well, I'm from that one Drama CD ! I was also the mascot for K-Mart before they kicked me out because I tried to do suicide ! "

O.o " Yeah... Who are you for again ? "

-sob- " Domino. "

" Oh. Well, Blondie's hooked up with Tracey now. "

" Is he a dude ? "

" Well...yeah. "

_**"** NOOOOO ! THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENIIIIING ! "_

" Yeah..."

-slams door-

* * *

(Five minutes later...)

-knock-knock-knock-

" Hello ? "

" Hi, friend ! Has Domino been dumped yet ! "

Ash groaned as Mondo hopped up and down like a four - year old. " No. And I have a name. _IT'S ASH ! "_

" Really ? You look more like a Charlie. "

-.- " Yeah, my dad wanted to name me Ludwig or Vivaldi, but my mom protested against it. She wanted Charlie...or Leslie. -shudders- "

" Wow ! So...Domino is still with that guy ? "

" Uh, yeah. "

_**" NOOOOOO ! MY LIFE IS OVEEEEER ! "**_

**-SLAMS DOOR-**

* * *

(_Another_ five minutes later...)

_**" DOOOMINOOOOOOOO ! COME BAAAAAAACK ! "**_

**BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !**

_**" PLEAAAAAASEEEE ! I LOOOOOOVE YOUUUUU ! "**_

**BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !**

_**" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH ! "**_

**KNIFE'D x15 !**  
(Few hours later...)

* * *

" Damn it, Domino ! Tell your ex-boyfriend to get the _hell_ off of our property ! " Ash hissed.

" Eh. I don't wanna. "

Misty sighed. " You know, Domino, normally I would agree with you. But that guy has been glued to that door for four hours now ! He's driving everyone psycho, especially Mr. Ketchum ! "

They all turned to Giovanni, who was banging his head against the table repeatedly. Carid sweatdropped. " Uh, Domino ? Did you do anything to upset him ? "

Domino shook her head. " I only dumped him because he was mentally unstable. It all started after he got rejected by Jessie for the eleventh time. "

* * *

(Two years ago - sometime after the Mt. Quena arc.)

Jessie stomped off in the right direction, Mondo following her. " Miss Jessie ? Do you need some more Tylenol ? "

_**" NO, I DON'T ! "**_ Jessie snapped. _**" I WANT YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE ! "**_

Mondo's eyes began to water. " But, Miss Jessie...you already had five Tylenol earlier to make you feel better since you had a hang - over. And...and..._I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU ! "_

" Okay, then...look. Mondo. You do know that I've been seeing James for six months now, right ? "

" _...WHAT ?! "_

O.o " I guess not... "

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

* * *

" So, I heard him being suicidal. I kinda pitied him. Truth was, he was really annoying. Still, I liked picking on him, so I went out with him for a couple of years. But, right before I met you losers (no offense), I kinda told him to f--k off and I broke off our relationship. He didn't take it well. "

* * *

(Few days before meeting with losers...)

_**" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH !**_ _**DOMINO ! HOW COULD YOU BREAK UP WITH ME ?! "**_

T.T " Mondo, I swear to Bob if you don't get off of me right now..."

_**" NO ! I WON'T ! "**_

_SMACK ! PURSE !_

_**" GET OFF OF ME ! IT'S OVER ! "**_

* * *

" Wow. Your past really sucks, " Molly muttered.

" Yeah. Mondo's like a leech. If he likes you, it is very, very, very hard to get him to go away. "

" Wow. That's exactly like how Brendan sticks to May all the time ! " Max exclaimed as he snapped his fingers.

" So ?! He's a freakin' stalker ! " Ash hissed. "Get him the hell away from here ! "

Domino rose from her seat and slapped the table with her hands, causing her bowl of mashed potatoes to crash to the floor. " Have you been listening to a word I've said, you little asshole ?! " she screeched. " I've tried ! He always comes back ! It's not like I can nuke him to oblivion ! "

Ash gave a nasty grin. " Not true, Domino. Not true at all. "

" Uh, what do you mean ? "

" I have this bomb under my bed of my 'so-called room' that I've been working on while Max has been sleeping late at night. "

" You've been watching me _sleep_ ?! " Max demanded.

T.T " Details, details. That isn't the point ! "

" Yeah, the point is that you're gonna use that 'bomb' to rob every single Dairy Queen and Baskin Robbins in the four regions ! " Misty interrupted.

_" WHAT ?! NO ! "_

Misty snickered. " It's the truth, though. "

_**" SHUT THE HELL UP, MISTY ! I'M SERIOUS ! "**_

**MALLET !**

-.- " Anyway, one word, and I can blow up Mondo into billions of pieces ! And it would be an awesome explosion ! "

-severe facefaults from all the kids and Pikachu!-

(Giovanni) O.O " Ash, please don't tell me that you've been watching my DVDs again ! "

Ash nodded. " What the hell am I _supposed_ to do in a tent at three in the morning with a pair of soiled underwear ?! Train ? I think_ not_ ! "

" Where's the bomb ? "

" Huh ? Oh, don't worry about it, Mom. "

_**" WHERE'S THE GOTDAMN BOMB ?! "**_

(Several voices) " Under his bed. "

Delia quickly ran up the stairs with a giant vacuum cleaner in her hands. Everyone else (except Ash) sweatdropped.

* * *

(3 : 00 a.m.)

**BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !**

" Did you get that thing ? " Domino asked.

" Yep. Thank God that Mom's a heavy sleeper, or I would never have attempted it, " Ash said, slyly grinning as he held up the bomb.

Ash and Domino quietly crept outside to where Mondo was standing. What they didn't expect was that Mondo had a gun with him. Domino sweatdropped. " Oh, God. Are you gonna attempt to kill yourself _again_ ?! "

Mondo shook his head. " No. I've made some contacts. Behold ! "

In an instant a hi-jacked Jeep appeared with two people inside. One of them was in a cloaked hood, not showing face, hair, or anything. The other person was...Lucas ?!

" Hey ! You're that dude that sold us out ! " Ash shouted.

Lucas grinned. " Yep. Better watch out for your nerdy friend, Ketchum. We'll be watching. "

" Oh, I really don't care about Max. Shoot the little bastard. See if I care ! "

_" ASH ! "_

" What ?! I don't ! "

The hooded figure spoke. _**" MAN - WHORE ! I HATE YOU ! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE WITH MAY AND MAKE ADVANCESHIPPY LOVE ! "**_

Ash sweatdropped. " What ?! Who are you ?! "

" Never mind who I am ! "

-gasp- " Holy crap ! Are you that Shadowy Guy ?! " (_hehe...couldn't resist taking a crack at that.)_

" No...and get the name right. Just because he's not from here, doesn't mean you can mess up his name like Buffy's. "

The backseat waved a hand. " IT'S _BUUUUUTCH ! "_

Domino scratched her head and turned to Mondo. " You made friends with a beret guy, a psycho, and PotHead ?! "

" It's a harsh world we live in, Domino, honey. Anyway, we gotta go. We're gonna try and bag that hedgehog and that baby of that thing that those pirates wanted. "

Mondo hopped in the backseat with Butch (a.k.a. Pothead). The cloaked figure smirked. " Now you will pay, Ash Ketchum and...his girlfriend ! "

Domino paled. " ..._EW ! HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND ! "_

" So, are you his bitch ? "

" -facefault- "

The cloaked figure shrugged. " Guess not. Anyway, my boyfriend's right around the corner, and when he gets back, we will leave !_ CHUCKY ! "_

A pudgy figure toddled over and jumped into the backseat. " All set, sweetie ! I got the candy corn ! "

_" YAY !_ Let's get back to our HQ. I have that one contest to watch. "

The Jeep started and rumbled onto the road as it left Ash and Domino, sweatdropping.

" Whoa. That has got to be the most f--ked up set of villians I have ever seen in my life, " Ash muttered.

" Yeah. Not even your dad is that crazy, and that is saying a lot. "

" Huh. "

Domino looked around. " So...what do we do with this bomb ? If your mom finds out you took it, she'll kill you with nuclear force. "

Ash grinned. " I have an idea... "

* * *

(Tent...)

" Okay. So you sure it won't blow him up ? "

Ash nodded. " Yeah. I was just playing earlier. It'll probably set the tent on fire, but it's a risk I'll take. "

Domino gave a small nod. Ash smirked as he carefully placed the bomb in the middle of Giovanni's legs.

The two teenagers slowly walked out of the tent. Ash then held a remote. " Okay. Remember now. Try to snitch, and I will be sure to snitch back. "

" It's a deal...man-whore. "

" -.- Shut up. "

Ash pressed the button on the remote. " Now we wait, Domino. "

_**BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM !**_

The tent exploded into shredded pieces, leaving Giovanni in the middle of the yard, with only his underwear and a teddy - bear t-shirt, along with a record of Frank Sinatra and a box of Jolly Ranchers. Domino sweatdropped.

_SMACK !_

_" YOU IDIOT ! "_ she hissed. " I thought you said the tent wouldn't explode ! "

Ash shrugged. " I didn't know... "

" Well, thanks a lot, 'cause now I just saw my boss in his underwear, even though I never wanted to ! "

" Really ? I thought you had a whole bunch of fanfics dedicated to fantasising about that. "

-gasp!-

**MACE !**

_**" DON'T BREAK THE FOURTH WALL, DAMN IT ! "**_

T.T " God, you're worse than _Misty_ ! "

V.V " Thank you. "

" You are weird... "

_**UMBRELLA ' D !**_

_**" DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT ?! "**_

O.o " No, ma'am. "

Domino gave a sweet smile. " Good. Now, we have to get out of here befo- "

" Before what ?! "

They turned around to see Giovanni glaring at them. Ash stifled his laughter. " Nothing, Dad. "

" Okay. I'm going back to bed. "

Giovanni thumped to the ground again and quickly fell asleep. Domino facefaulted. " Yeah...let's go. "

" Right. "

* * *

(Somewhere near the Lab...)

Tracey gasped. " Golly gee ! I found myself a shredded tent ! Wait until I tell Domino about this ! "

As he was about to go back inside, a muffled voice was heard, and a bullet spun into contact, hitting Tracey in the chest and making him subject to unconsciousness...

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview...)_

_" WHO SHOT YOU ?! " Ash demanded._

_" Well, this whole case would be easier IF I KNEW ! " Tracey hissed._

_" Oh. "_

_" Another Ash moment, " Gary muttered, rolling his eyes._

_" SHUT THE F--K UP, OAKY ! "_

_Tracey sweatdropped. " Ash, I have this feeling that you had too much sugar today. "_

_" Yep ! Four and a half cans of pop ! "_

_-.- " Why do I bother with you ? "_


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 : Who Shot Tracey Sketchit ?

It was a dreary sight at the Viridian Hospital. Flowers wilted in a vase. Old-fashioned curtains were drawn so that no natural light would peep into the room. The bed was very uncomfortable (and itchy).

And so this was where Tracey had been admitted to after he had got shot in the chest.

For the first couple of hours, he had received total silence, as the lead bullet was extracted from his chest. " Nearly killed the little dork, " the doctor had muttered as he stitched the boy up with a sewing needle and polyester thread.

Now he was sitting upright in his bed, reading some poetry book from Shakespeare. This was the first time that nobody had bothered him for three months, and of course being a hermit most of the time, Tracey enjoyed his solitude.

So it was pretty much a dream come true for the little buggart, until...

_" TRACEY ! YOU GOT SHOT ! "_

Domino slammed the door wide open and threw a bouquet of white daisies on Tracey's bed. She sat on Tracey's legs. " Oh, Tracey. Are your legs okay ? " she asked.

T.T " I got shot in the chest, Domino. "

" Oh. Well, it sucks to be you. "

Tracey shook his head. " I swear, if I wasn't paid by Professor Oak to do all the bull that I do every day, I'd be far away in a cave. "

Domino shrugged as she patted Tracey on the head. " Good boy. Do you want a dog biscuit ? "

_" DAMN IT, I AM NOT A DOG ! "_

" Oh, you know you like your biscuits, Tracey ! "

-.- " Give me the box of biscuits and leave. "

**SLAP !**

" I don't know why you're being such an ass, " Domino muttered. " I bring jolly tidings, and all you want to do is grump ! "

" 'Cause I got shot ! " Tracey hissed.

T.T " You and your excuses. I know now never to worry about you again. "

" Good. "

Domino shook her head in disbelief. " Anyway, I brought some of your friends. Carid couldn't come, 'cause she had to go for some journey in the Sevii Islands with Floyd, and the kids didn't want to see people in agony, but I brought Ash and Gary ! Oh, and Carrot-Top, too. "

Ash, Gary, and Misty came inside the room. Misty handed Tracey a box of soy sauce. " How are you feeling, Tracey ? " she inquired.

" Crappy. "

_" WHO SHOT YOU ?! "_ Ash demanded.

" Well, this whole case would be easier _IF I KNEW !_ " Tracey hissed.

" Oh. "

" Another Ash moment, " Gary muttered, rolling his eyes.

_**" SHUT THE F--K UP, OAKY ! "**_

Tracey sweatdropped. " Ash, I have this feeling that you had too much sugar today. "

" Yep ! Four and a half cans of pop ! "

-.- " Why do I bother with you ? "

" 'Cause I pay you money to keep Brock away with me. "

" Hmph. "

Misty shoved Ash away from the bed. " Anyway, shouldn't we go over the suspects ? You do seem to have a lot of enemies, Tracey. "

" Yeah. I do. "

Tracey handed Misty a piece of paper. " That has everyone who wants to hurt me, " he said. " I would hunt them down, but I can't get out of the hospital yet. Could you four see who shot me ? "

" _Four ?!_ What do you mean, _four ?!_ " Domino demanded.

" He means that you're coming along with us ! " Gary exclaimed.

Domino faked a sob. " Okay. Anything for you, Tracey, sweetie ! "

O.o " One question. "

" Yeah ? "

" How much pills have you been taking ? "

**SMACK !**

_**" THANKS A LOT ! "**_ Domino screamed in his ear as she stomped out of the room.

Gary sweatdropped. " We'll be going now, Tracey. Don't try to kill yourself while we're gone. "

" No problem. "

As the three other teenagers left, Tracey sighed in relief. " Thank Mew. Now I can have my sponge bath as I planned. "

Ash snatched the list from Gary's hands. " Let's see...who are the suspects ? "

* * *

Brock Harrison

Duplica Amordon

Daisy Waterflower

Anabel Cornford

Sabrina Psycron

Flint Harrison

Greta Jamesen

Cassidy Vilestone

Buffy...Bruce_...(whatever the hell his name is)_  
James Morgan

Giovanni Ketchum

All the gym leaders of Hoenn and Sinnoh

Paul McEvile

Giselle Devlochine

Joe Murphy

The Akatsuki

Dawn Pearlson

Kabuto

Harlan

* * *

" Damn. I never knew Tracey had such a hateclub, " Gary muttered. " Who would've thought that your dad's on the list, Ash ? "

/.\ " I'm so embarrassed, " Ash moaned.

" The Akatsuki is a bad thing to be enemies with, " Domino stated. " I remember when Kisame shot Namba because of his hair color. "

Misty scratched her head. " Let's try to scratch out the possiblities. Mr. Ketchum wouldn't do it, 'cause he's on probation. Tracey's too dorky for the Akatsuki to shoot. Dawn doesn't have too much a grudge against him, and Paul would just shoot him between the legs. The gym leaders couldn't. Joe...he's too weak. Kabuto doesn't like him. James is too girly. Daisy's too much of a ditz, and Greta would just punch him. Anabel...well, she'd shoot Ash before she'd shoot Tracey. And who the _hell_ is Harlan ? "

" He's from Team Magma, " Ash replied. " Kaida knows him. "

" Okay, then. Sabrina would probably have taken him hostage, and Cassidy is only a bitch towards Jessie and Ash's mom, and Flint's blind. So, our final possibilties are Brock, Duplica, Bobby, and Giselle. "

" Are you sure Mr. Ketchum couldn't have done it ? " Gary inquired.

" Yeah, he's pretty vengeful, " Domino added.

T.T " You all are so stupid. He doesn't even know that Ash blew up his tent yet ! "

" Well, you make a good point. "

_" SHUT UP, OAK ! WE GOTTA FIND THE SUSPECTS ! "_

* * *

(First stop - Vermilion City)

Misty knocked the door open with her mallet and the four stepped inside the room. Giselle was sitting at her desk, sipping at a glass of tea. " Oh, hi, guys ! What's wrong ? "

"_ DID YOU SHOOT TRACEY ?! "_ Ash demanded.

" No, I did _not_ ! " Giselle exclaimed as she stomped her foot. " Now, get the hell out of my house ! "

* * *

(Second stop - Somewhere between Pewter and Cerulean City)

Gary opened the door to reveal Duplica and Brad playing checkers. Domino sweatdropped. " Yeah...never mind. "

**SLAM !**

* * *

After that, the group had asked Brock if he had shot Tracey, and it was still a definite no.

They were back in the hospital with Tracey. He had accepted the fact that everyone was denying that they had anything to do with him. Domino was back on his legs. " So, Tracey. Did you find out who shot you ? " she inquired.

" No... "

" Oh. "

-ring-ring-ring-ring-ring ! -

Ash answered the phone. " Yo ! It's Ash !..._WHAT ?! MAX GOT SHOT ?!_ No, nearly shot. Yeah, I'll tell them. "

He hung up the phone and smacked Tracey. " Well, you're not the only one that's been wanting to die. Max just nearly got shot ! "

" Oh, my God ! Is he okay ? " Misty asked.

T.T " How could you care about that little nerd ? I bet if _I_ was shot, you wouldn't _care_ ! " Ash cried.

Misty shrugged. " Well, that's a lie. You know I love you, Ash. "

Ash sweatdropped. " That is..._**EWWWWW ! "**_

He quickly ran out of the room. As Gary and the others followed him, Tracey shook his head. " Ash is still being a retard, " he murmured.

* * *

Meanwhile, in a dark alley, Mondo bowed to the cloaked figure. " I did your bidding, ma'am. Tracey was successfully shot, and I threatened the Robot Thing. "

The cloaked figure gave a curt bow. " Good, Mondo. It'll teach Max to run away from Hoenn. If he keeps it up, I shall have to have Chucky deal with him, 'cause his father is a fag. Mondo is such a good boy. Here's a dog biscuit for your efforts. "

The cloaked figure tossed him a dog biscuit. Mondo laughed. " Thank you, Culinary Cherry. Don't worry, me, Lucas, and PotHead will make sure that you win against Ketchum, and make plenty of advanceshippy love ! "

" Yes...soon, Mondo. Soon. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview)_

_" Hey, Max ? " Molly asked. " Why does everyone want to kill you ? "_

_Max started blushing wildly. " I can't tell you, Mol. It's a long story. "_

_" Does it have anything to do with that mini computer on your back ? "_

_" ...DAMN IT, WOLFY ! I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT A ROBOT ! "_

_Molly sweatdropped. " Who's Wolfy ? "_

_" Oh, some person from the fourth wall. "_

_" Right...I'm gonna go for some cookies. "_

_As Molly left, Max gave a sad sigh. It had been hard keeping all of his secrets, but now slowly, his secrets were being threatened, and he didn't want anyone to know the truth, especially Molly._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 : Revelation of the Villian (and Mewtwo's Debut)

_Okay, everyone. This must be the most action-filled chapter I've ever written. O.o (Creepy, I know)._

_Anyway, two people's name are in Japanese ('cause it's cool)._

_One of the Japanese Person's father's name is Arthur (just picked a random name)._

_A lot of things revealed (including the villian)_

_And no Giovanni in this chapter. O.O (sad, but true)_

_So, there's twenty reviews so far. Keep them coming ! )_

* * *

It was a bright sunny day in Pallet Town. People were gardening and Tracey was finally back at the Lab a week after he had been shot.

So while everyone else was visiting him (yes, even Ash), Molly and Max were walking through the meadow, hand in hand. Max was delighted in holding Molly's hand. So soft, so firm. Not at all clammy like May's lotion hand. It was the perfect eight-year old girl's hand.

They stopped at a field of daisies and layed on the grass, allowing the sun to pour over them. Max sighed out of pleasure. " You know, Molly. You're the second girl to like me for me, and the first my age. "

" Who was the first girl to like you ? "

" Roxanne. "

" Ah. Is she pretty ? "

" Yep. I have to say, she's one of the only girls to get away with wearing braids. "

Max fiddled with his glasses and lightly blushed. Molly grinned. " You're so sweet, Max. "

" Thanks, Mol. "

" Hey, Max ? " Molly asked. " Why does everyone want to kill you ? "

Max started blushing wildly. " I can't tell you, Mol. It's a long story. "

" Does it have anything to do with that mini computer on your back ? "

_" ...DAMN IT, WOLFY ! I TOLD YOU, I AM NOT A ROBOT ! "_

Molly sweatdropped. " Who's Wolfy ? "

" Oh, some person from the fourth wall. "

" Right...I'm gonna go for some cookies. "

As Molly left, Max gave a sad sigh. It had been hard keeping all of his secrets, but now slowly, his secrets were being threatened, and he didn't want anyone to know the truth, especially Molly.

It began long ago, when he was born. Originally, he had a twin, but since there were problems involving attempted murder, Max's brother's age was fast-forwarded twelve years into the future and sent away to Sinnoh to live as a supernerd.

Max, meanwhile, was the one who was singled out for abuse as an outcast.

* * *

(Five years ago...)

" Mommy ? Why do I have a mini computer in my back ? " Max asked.

_SLAP !_

_" IT'S JUST THERE, ALL RIGHT ?! "_ Caroline hissed. " Deal with it ! May's not complaining ! "

" But...May doesn't have one. "

" So ?! You're different, all right ?! Deal with it. Now, go into the closet ! "

* * *

Over the years Max found out to his horror that the computer was actually installed in his back when he was a small boy after he had nearly died from severe burns. He was now half-technology, a robot, and he dealt with it.

But sometimes he wondered if there was another reason why he was like this. Maybe it was the glasses, maybe it was the dorky outfit, but Max did not feel right about it.

He wiped a tear from his face just as Molly came back, frightened to the core. " Max ! Max, I heard a gunshot near the Ketchum house ! "

" What ?! We have to go ! "

The two kids raced over back to the house to find a man slumped on the ground, bleeding very heavily. Max gasped as he saw the face. " Dad ! "

Norman gave a slight smile. " Hi, Max. "

" What happened ? "

" I can't talk too much. Max...is that your girlfriend ? "

Max looked at Molly and they both blushed. " Eh. Kind of. "

" Hehehehe...good boy. Max...I have to tell you something. "

" What, Dad ? "

" May...not...different father...not mine. "

Max gasped. " You're not May's dad ?! So that explains why she looks nothing like you, Dad ! "

Norman gave a breathless chuckle. Max shook him. " Dad, who shot you ?! Tell me ! "

" Don't know. Max...your mother...don't trust...she's...a whore. "

" I know, Dad ! But what about Mom ? "

" Caroline can't know this. Someone...was revived by Mew and Ho-oh. Someone...she can't know, Max. "

Max burst into tears. " Dad, you can't leave me ! "

" ...I love you, Max. "

Norman took his last breath and as he finally died, more gunshots were heard. Max and Molly swiftly turned around to see a man wearing a purple cape. Molly gasped. " That's that guy that's obsessed with Suicune ! Urine ! "

" That's Eusine ! " Eusine snarled. " Culinary Cherry instructed me to get rid of you and your little girlfriend ! "

He drew his gun and fired in Molly's direction. Max dived to take the bullet, allowing it to pierce his arm and setting off his laser beam. As it hit Eusine, Molly looked at Max admiringly. " Max, you're a robot ? "

Max nodded. " Yeah. Is Uggles dead ? "

Molly poked Eusine's corpse with a stick. " Yeah...but I think we have company. "

They looked at the Jeep that was in front of them. Mondo held a harpoon in his hands. Lucas held a rifle, and Butch held a bayonet. Lucas snickered. " You think that we could be rid of that easily, Maxy ?! Well, the Culinary Cherry gets frightened of _no one_ ! "

As he started to shoot wildly, Max quickly took ahold of Molly's hand. " Come on, Mol ! We have to get to the grave ! "

The two kids started to run. As the Jeep was on their heels, Max shoved Molly into a thorn bush and the vehicle lost sight of them. Lucas swore. " Damn. We lost sight of those little brats. Brad, get ahold of the leader ! "

" It's _BUTCH ! _And fine. "

He dialed a number on his cellphone and a feminine voice answered it. " Yes ?! What is it ?! "

" We lost sight of Max and Hale, Leader. And Eusine was shot with a laser beam. "

" Hmph. Well, I have bigger plans for him, then. Come back to your stations. We have to figure out plans to make advanceshipping canon. "

" Right. "

Butch hung up the phone and turned to Lucas and Mondo. " Okay, guys. The leader wants us back at HQ, so Mondo, go and drive ! "

" Yes, Burt. "

" It's_ BUTCH, DUMB ASS ! "_

" Eh. _**WHY DOES EVERYONE PICK ON ME ?! "**_

T.T " Damn it, both of you shut the hell up now ! " Lucas hissed. " Let's go ! "

* * *

Max and Molly ran their little legs until they came across to a barren field. One single girl, about eight, was standing on a grave, rubbing her eyes. She had long blue hair to her waist and blue eyes. She was wearing a plain discolored white sundress, and she was barefoot. Max reached out for the girl's hand. " Hi. Are you the girl that was revived by Mew and Ho-oh ? " he asked.

The girl looked at him and meekly nodded. " Daddy...where's Daddy ? "

Molly reached for the girl's other hand. " I don't know. What happened ? "

" He...he upset Mewtwo, and there was this big explosion. Where's Mewtwo at ? "

" Who's Mewtwo ? " Max inquired.

" My friend. I was...a clone for a while, after I died. We...watched the sun...and played with Fushigidanetwo, Hitokagetwo, and Zenigametwo. And we all died, except for Mewtwo. When I died and after he found his true happiness...he went to my grave with Mew and Ho-Oh, and revived me. "

" Who's Fushigidanetwo and the rest of them ? " Molly asked.

" Clones. All clones of Fushigidane, Hitokage, and Zenigame. "

Max scratched his head. " I don't understand. "

The blue haired girl blushed. " Sorry. I used Japanese names. It must be very confusing. Bulbasaur, Charmander, and...Squirtle. "

" Oh. "

A bouquet of flowers was picked up from the ground without nobody picking them. The girl giggled. " Guess I have psychic powers, now. Wonder if Mewtwo meant to do that. "

" It's pretty neat, though, " Molly said.

" Thank you. My name is Ai. Ai Fuji. "

* * *

" So, Ai. How old are you ? " Max inquired.

The three children were on the couch. Ai gave a small smile. " I would have been fourteen in March, but since I died, and since you don't age after you die, I'm still eight. "

Molly nodded. " How did you die ? "

" Car accident, " Ai said in a soft voice. " Daddy got hurt, too, but he didn't die. Do you know where he is ? Dr. Arthur Fuji ? "

" Well, I heard that he was a great scientist, and he died with the explosion. "

Ai's face paled. " No...he couldn't have died. He couldn't ! "

A vase was picked up telepathically and thrown to the ground. Purple and blue waves came from Ai as she started howling. " No ! It's my fault ! It's _my_ fault that he died ! It's _my_ fault that Mewtwo killed him ! _IT'S ALL MY FAULT ! "_

She let out an ear-piercing scream, and a window shattered in pieces. Max and Molly grabbed her, and Max threw his glasses to the ground. " Ai, it's not your fault ! You couldn't help it ! Don't hurt yourself over it ! Please ! Me and Mol care ! "

The psychic waves stopped abruptly, and Ai sniffled as she choked back soft sobs. " I'm so sorry. Daddy always told me that I had a lot of spirit. And Mommy's dead, too. She had the cancer. I'm sure she lived wonderfully. Daddy, too. "

Max nodded. " My dad got shot. I know what you're feeling. "

" Yeah, and both of my parents are dead, too, " Molly added. " You're not alone, Ai. "

" Th-thank you. "

Molly nodded. Max sighed as he grabbed the phone. " Well, Ai. You're a good person. And I have to call Mom to make sure she's not trying to kill anybody. "

He dialed a number and Caroline's voice fluttered on the other end. " Yes ? "

" Hi, Mom. It's me, Max. "

" Oh ! Hi, Max ! "

" Dad was shot by this evil cape guy, " Max said.

" Oh ! Well, that's too bad. Are sure he didn't just do suicide ? "

" Uh, I saw the killer myself. "

" Ohhh...well, that's too bad. Where you at, honey ? "

" Ash Ketchum's house. "

" Oh. Well, I have a surprise for you, sweetie ! Just look outside ! "

The phone line went dead, and Max hung up the phone. " We gotta check outside, guys. "

Molly and Ai nodded, and the the three children stepped outside to see Mondo, Lucas, Butch, Brendan, Chuck, Harley, and the Culinary Cherry all standing with armed forces. Max gasped. " What...how... ? "

The Culinary Cherry gave a wicked laugh. " Oh, Max. We already know about you, and everyone else. And you know me. "

" Duplica ? "

" No ! "

The villian swiftly took off her cloak to reveal her true face. Max gasped as it was Caroline. " Mom ?! You let those people kill Dad ?! "

Caroline laughed. " Yep ! Oh, Max, I never cared about him, you little bastard. I was never good ! And I always hated your guts, from the day that you were born ! "

Molly furrowed her brows. " You flippin' little _bitch_ ! "

" Ohhhh, that's no language for a pretty little girl ! "

" Hell, I'm eight years old ! And Ai's fourteen ! "

" Technically, only, " Ai murmured.

Caroline shrugged. " Whatever. Anyway, Max, sweetie, here's your surprise ! "

She let out an army of mini Spongebobs. Max gasped as he pushed Molly and Ai away. " Ketchum said these things are even more annoying than Japanese beetles ! " he cried. " We have to get away from here ! "

The mother laughed. " Hahahaha ! Well, we have to go, Max ! May's pedicures don't get done by themselves ! "

The group left in a poof. Max, Molly, and Ai all whimpered as the army of evil Spongebobs surrounded them. Max sighed. " Okay. Molly, do you still have contact with the Entei ? "

" Yeah. "

" Ai, can you use your psychic powers willingly ? "

" Yes. "

" Good. Let's burn these bitches, then. "

Max fired his laser beam at a dozen Spongebobs, and Ai used psychic to kill over two dozen. Molly took a short breath as she threw her beads up in the air. " Gooo, Entei ! "

A giant Entei appeared and fire blasted the Spongebobs. Soon, all the spongy creatures died, and Ai sighed. " Is it over ? "

" I think so, " Max murmured.

Suddenly bombs started to hit them. The three kids dodged them, but barely. Molly called back Entei. " There's too many of them, Max ! How do we get out of here ?! "

" I don't know. I don't know. "

As if hearing their pleas, a cloud of smoke appeared, and four people appeared.

" Conway ! Roxanne ! " Max cried.

" Mewtwo " Ai exclaimed.

" Brother of the emo kid ! " Molly said, gasping.

They ran to the bigger group. Conway grinned as he fiddled with his glasses. " Hey, guys. "

" How are you doing ? " Roxanne inquired. " You didn't get hurt, did you ? "

Max shook his head. " No, we're fine. "

Reiji nodded. " That's good. We need to get out of here, though. It looks like your lives are in danger ! "

" But- Ash and the others ! They're still at the Lab ! " Molly protested.

" No time, Deranged Little Girl, " Mewtwo said. " They have pokemon. They'll all be fine. "

" Uh, I have a Teddiursa. "

" And I have a Ralts... " Max trailed off.

_**" SHUT THE HELL UP OR I'LL CUT YOUR THROATS ! "**_ Mewtwo roared. " There's _no_ time for complaints ! "

Ai tapped Mewtwo's knee. " Mewtwo, you're okay, aren't you ? "

The purple pokemon glanced down at the blue haired girl and his eyes started to water. " I'm fine, Ai. I'm just glad you're safe. "

" Thank you. "

" Don't worry about me. Ever since I nearly got killed by that douchebag boss of your father's, I've been fine. Now, could you talk some sense into your little friends ? "

" Sure. "

Ai turned to Max and Molly. " You should really listen to Mewtwo. He's very intelligent, and my first friend ! "

" Are you sure we can trust him ? " Molly asked.

The girl giggled. " Of course, silly ! Mewtwo will help us, 'cause he has a good heart and he's my brother ! "

Mewtwo blushed out of little modesty. " Well, thank you. I've always wanted a little sister. "

Max slowly nodded. " Okay, then. We'll go with you. "

The pokemon gave a sly grin. " Okay, then ! We're making progress here ! "

Roxanne turned to Mewtwo. " Where were you planning to take us, Marvin ? "

( T.T ) " Please stop calling me that, Braided Hillbill- "

**PUNCH !**

" Darkrai's fortress, " Mewtwo weakly replied as he fell to the ground. " I know Rai will help us out. She's good for that (and emo). "

" Wait, Darkrai's a girl ?! " Reiji asked in total shock. " I always thought he was a dude ! "

" Well, she has a brother, but she's the oldest one. She's twenty. "

Conway sweatdropped. " Okay, then... "

Ai helped Mewtwo stand up. " Marvin ? That's a pretty name ! "

( o.o )_** " DAMN IT, ROXANNE ! I KNEW SHE WOULD DO THIS ! "**_

He started to cry. Ai tapped him on the shoulder. " It's okay, Big Bro. Don't feel bad about it. "

-sniffle- " You're right. Now, let's go ! "

Mewtwo grabbed a wave a dark purple energy and poofed the group of seven into the depths of Darkrai's fortress.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Okay. Why is all my makeup smeared on the mirror ?! " Domino demanded._

_Tracey pointed to a note. " Why is there a note left on the mirror ? "_

_Misty grabbed it and started to read it._

_Misty, Blondie, Tracey, Mr. Mailman, Miss Ketchum, and Retard,_

_Me and Molly left to safety with my aged twin brother, his very hot girlfriend, Roxanne, some optimistic guy named Reiji, this big-headed purple pokemon named Mewtwo, and this revived girl with the name of Ai Fuji. Don't bother panicking ('cause I know Ash will laugh.) Oh, and my mom is psycho._

_Anyway, we're going to Darkrai's fortress. Make sure you don't touch my PokeNav ('cause it's bugged.)_

_Max._

_Domino sweatdropped. " Those poor kids ! I hope they're safe ! "_

_Ash groaned. " Sh-t. That little bastard owed me twenty bucks ! We have to go ! "  
_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 : Meeting with Deoxys

_Okay, we're back to humor. XD It's a pretty cool chapter, with Deoxys in it, so...don't run. I have cookies...and yogurt. _

* * *

After a long time, the group came back from Professor Oak's and discovered something. Something...wow.

" Okay. Why is all my makeup smeared on the mirror ?! " Domino demanded.

Tracey pointed to a note. " Why is there a note left on the mirror ? "

Misty grabbed it and started to read it.

_Misty, Blondie, Tracey, Mr. Mailman, Miss Ketchum, and Retard,_

_Me and Molly left to safety with my aged twin brother, his very hot girlfriend, Roxanne, some optimistic guy named Reiji, this big-headed purple pokemon named Mewtwo, and this revived girl with the name of Ai Fuji. Don't bother panicking ('cause I know Ash will laugh.) Oh, and my mom is psycho._

_Anyway, we're going to Darkrai's fortress. Make sure you don't touch my PokeNav ('cause it's bugged.)_

_Max._

Domino sweatdropped. " Those poor kids ! I hope they're safe ! "

Ash groaned. " Sh-t. That little bastard owed me twenty bucks ! We have to go ! "

Everyone was about to head for the door, when Giovanni started to pale. " Fuji...ohhhhh,sh-t. "

" What's wrong, Mr. Douchebag ? " Misty asked.

" Well, um...okay, so, a few years ago, I met up with the Fuji doctor guy. Dr. Fuji. He may have had that funny name, but I knew him better 'cause he kinda changed his name, and he was...a certain person's brother. "

Delia glared at Giovanni. " Continue, Mr. Douchbag. "

" Okay, so I asked him to make superpokemon. So, he went out into the Andes and took an eyelash of Mew's, and cloned some sort of purple pokemon that I can't seem to remember. Anyway, four years ago, the purple pokemon blew up this laboratory in New Island, and I kinda came and picked up the purple pokemon, and, well...Dr. Fuji was still alive under all of that rubble (though badly burned), and I sorta left him to...die...the- "

**THROW GIOVANNI INTO WALL!**

_" THAT WAS MY BROTHER ! "_ Delia roared as she broke a vase on Giovanni's head.

" Yeah, well, I was still evil back then. "

Tracey scratched his head. " So ? "

" Look, I can't help it if I let a few people die ! What am I supposed to do, atone for all my evil actions ?! "

(Everyone else) " Yes, Douchebag. "

Giovanni groaned. " Okay, so I guess I'll start by helping out the little glasses kid and his friends. "

Ash nodded. " And Mewtwo. "

_" DAH ! THAT'S THE POKEMON I WAS TALKING ABOUT ! "_

Domimo nodded. " Yeah. His psychic powers weren't that good. I've been remembering for six months now. "

T.T " And nobody told me this because... ? "

" It's fun, " Domino coolly replied.

" Yeah, and you tried to kill Mewtwo two years ago, " Ash added.

" Hey, I was only trying to bend his will ! " Giovanni snapped.

" Bending wills, killings, they're all the same thing. "

" Shut the hell up, Ash, or I swear to Bob I'm going t- "

Delia held a brick in her hand as she glared at the man. He sighed. " Fine. You're lucky your mother's pissed at me. "

_**" YAY ! NO MORE DEATH THREATS**_ (for now) ! "

Misty sighed. " Great. We're going to have another fun-filled adventure, " she said sarcastically.

Tracey shrugged. " Yep. Uh, do you think I'll be able to sit this one out ? "

Domino punched Tracey in the arm. " Nope ! "

" Awww...douche. "

* * *

" So...who's going ? " Ash asked.

Gary shrugged. " I _guess_ I'll go. "

" Me and Trace will go, " Domino said cheerfully. " It's like a paid vacation, only with more death ! "

T.T " You're not getting paid, Blondie. "

" Oh. Well...that's okay, too. "

" Damn it. "

Misty grinned. " I'll go. "

" All right. That makes eight. "

Tracey sweatdropped. " No, it makes five. "

" Really ? "

Everyone else facefaulted. Ash gave a nervous chuckle. " Anyway, with Dad coming against his will, it's six, and Mom's not coming 'cause she's still fuming at him. "

Misty shook her head. " Nope, it's eight. I sorta invited a couple of people to join us... "

" Who ? Brock ? "

" No, friends of mine, not Brock. "

As if on cue, the door flung open, and two girls of seventeen stepped in. Ash groaned. " Whitney and Jasmine ?! Oh, you just _had _to invite the weakest gym leaders of Johto with us ! "

" Actually, Bugsy's the weakest, " Jasmine said in a soft voice.

T.T " Good point. But I'm not bringing along any more gir- "

**MOOMOO ' D !**

Whitney gave a broad grin. " Heehee. It's nice to see you again, Ash. "

" Whatever. "

Domino squealed. " Oh, my God. You two are my favorite gym leaders ! "

" What happened to Clair ? " Tracey asked.

" Uh...I lost respect 'cause she's Lance's cousin...and Lance is a douche. "

_**" LANCE IS MY UNCLE ! "**_ Ash roared.

Misty, Domino, Jasmine, and Whitney all sweatdropped as they had horrible, horrible thoughts.

* * *

(Thoughts...)

_**" I AAAAMMMM YOUR UNCLEEEE ! I AAAAAMMMM YOUR UNCLEEEEE ! "**_ Lance moaned as he hopped around in a fluffy pink tutu.

Ash started laughing as he took off his clothes to reveal a pair of skin-tight aquamarine tights, and a mesh shirt. "_** I AAAAMMM YOUR NEPHEWWWWW ! I AMMMM YOUR NEPHEWWWWW ! "**_ he screamed in the same tone of voice.

* * *

**PURSE !**

_**. " NOOOOOO ! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS ! "**_ Domino screeched as she and the other girls ran out of the room.

Gary sweatdropped. " Tracey, you seriously need to get rid of Blondie sometime. "

Tracey slowly nodded. " Yep, I do. "

* * *

Giovanni looked at the four girls and groaned. " Domino, I already told you that I would _not_ pay out to your Entertainment Magazine subscriptions. "

Domino shook her head. " Nope, Boss. We have two more girls with us. "

_" ...DAMN IT ! "_

Jasmine turned to Misty. " He doesn't like girls ? "

" Not us. "

" So...he likes boys ? "

" Better than girls, I have to tell you that, " Misty coolly replied.

Whitney gasped. " Good Giratina ! He's a molester ?! Holy crap ! "

" No, that's not how I'm putting it... "

The pink haired girl grabbed a frying pan and hit Giovanni on the head with it. " That's ungodly, Mr. Ketchup ! " she murmured as the man fell to the floor.

" It's...Mr. Ketchum... " Giovanni said as he passed out.

* * *

As Giovanni rubbed his head, he glared at the seven teenagers. " Okay, what do we have here ? Bedwetter, Oaky, CarrotHead, Whiny Artist, Psycho Blondie, Shy Gardener , and Religious Baptist. Great. We're gonna have fun. "

Ash grinned. " Yay ! Let's go to Disneyland ! "

-facefaultx7!-

" Idiot, " Gary muttered under his breath.

" All right, let's get this fact straight - my son is retarded. There's no contest about it. "

Misty nodded. " It's the truth. He plastered pancake batter all over the walls last Tuesday. "

" Wait a minute...Ash did that ?! I thought it was Domino ! "

Domino huffed. " Great bond of trust, Boss, " she muttered sarcastically. " Yeah, I'm an insane girl of eighteen that likes throwing pancake batter all over the walls like a flippin' Aipom ! "

Ash started cracking up. " Yep. I even have a song for you...to the tune of " Barbie Girl " ! "

_They say she's just a witch,  
But Blondie is a biiitch.  
She almost never thinks.  
Looks awful in pink.  
Blondie's such a whore.  
**KICK HER OUT THE DOOR !**  
I really hate her.  
Why does Tracey date he-_

**PURSE ! SLAP ! KICK ! TULIP ! BROOM !**

_" YOU F--KING RETARD ! "_ Domino hissed as she yanked Ash's head to the wall and started to hit it.

Everyone else sweatdropped as Ash started to get bruise marks all over them. Whitney poured salt on him. " Oh, Ashy ! You really need to hit the books and not the violence. "

" Or the table... " Jasmine trailed off.

* * *

" Okay, is everyone ready ? " Giovanni asked as he started his car.

(Everyone else) " Yes, Sir. "

" No hunger issues ? "

(Gary and Tracey) " Nope. "

" No issues with lotion ? "

(Misty, Jasmine, Domino, and Whitney) " Nope. "

" No issues with the toilet ? "

(Ash) " A little, Dad. "

_**" ...GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR THEN, BEFORE YOU WET MY SEAT AGAIN ! "**_

Ash nodded as he quietly slipped out of the car. Tracey sweatdropped. " Freezing priest, Ash ! How much apple juice did you drink today ? "

(muffled voice) " Seventeen and a half cups... "

O.o " That's ungodly... "

" Oh, don't start again, Whitney, " Misty muttered.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, everything was set, and once again the car went on a small (yet mental) adventure. Whitney was driving everyone nuts with her humming of Paul McCartney songs, but besides that, things were pretty quiet until...

" Hot Danish ! Is that a Deoxys ?! " Jasmine inquired.

Everyone looked to the side view to see a young Deoxys hitchiking on the side of the road. Ash tapped the brakes and the car came to an abrupt halt. He, Gary, and Tracey stepped outside to see the legendary slick back his fake dreads. " Uh, are you a real Deoxys ? " Ash asked.

" Uh, yeah... "

" Cool ! I've never seen a robot before ! " Tracey cried.

Deoxys fumed as he flipped his dreads to the side. " I am _not_ a robot ! " he snapped. " I just look it ! Anyway, I'm Mortimer. Any of you guys seen a tall emo purple pokemon with a shoulder-length blonde wig around here ? "

" You mean Mewtwo ? " Gary inquired.

" Uh, yeah, but I call him Marvin. "

" Well, he's out trying to save the world from doom with this little nerd called Max, " Ash replied.

" Yeah, and he said something about Darkrai's fortress, " Tracey added.

Mortimer gasped. " Darkrai's fortress ?! Then...that means that Shaymin and Phione are in trouble by psychos ! "

" Who ? " Misty asked as she stepped out of the car.

" Uh, the weight-obsessed hedgehog, and the baby of the Manaphy with Engrish speaking qualities. "

" Ohhhh. "

Domino stormed out of the car and crossed her arms. " We have no time for this ! " she cried. " We're on an adventure ! "

" Well, so am I. And since we're gonna head towards the same place, I wanna come ! "

" He's a foul beast, though ! " Whitney whined through the windows.

" Hey, I shower every two weeks ! Give me a break ! Mewtwo was always the clean one ! " Mortimer hissed.

Ash grinned as he patted Mortimer's back. " Okay, Mr. Mortimer Deoxys. You're in ! Any person (or pokemon) that isn't the clean one is a friend of mine ! "

Mortimer clapped his fins. _" YAH ! LET'S GO, THEN ! "_

As the legendary pokemon made his way into the car, Giovanni sweatdropped and turned to Jasmine. " Yeah...you may want to spray Lysol around you... "

" Oh, don't worry, " Jasmine replied. " I have plenty of car ornaments that serve as air fresheners. Do you want lime...or strawberries. "

T.T " Lime is fine, Miss Waveheart. "

Whtiney kicked the seat. " Awww. I wanted the fruity type. "

" Well, when you drive, you can have whatever scent you want, " Giovanni muttered.

" Okay ! "

* * *

" I didn't ever say that you could drive my car ! " Giovanni hissed.

Whitney shrugged as she rolled her eyes. " Oh, don't act so selfish, Mr. Ketchup. It's wrong. "

" My name is Ketchum ! "

" Well, whatever. Now don't make me turn this car around ! "

" Ugh, the only good thing about this is that Ash hasn't wet the seat yet. "

Ash started to blush as he shook his head. " Too late, Dad. I just did. "

" Well, at least you didn't soil the passenger seat this time ! " Tracey replied. " Aren't you glad that you changed seats with Misty when Mortimer got here ? "

" No. "

" Ash, be nice to your girlfriend ! " Giovanni warned.

" D-fu- She's _not_ my girlfriend ! "

Mortimer chuckled as he took a sip from his brandy. " That's not what my aura is reading, " he said in a sing-song voice.

" Dude, don't toy with me ! "

" Eh. _WHO WANTS TO PLAY BLACKJACK ?! "_

Domino and Gary raised their hands. The unshameful Deoxys chortled as he dealt the cards. Jasmine sweatdropped as she turned around from the front seat. " Are those Chinese characters ? " she asked.

Mortimer nodded. " Yeah. I can't read English numbers that well. "

" Oh, so you're foreign ? "

" Hoennese, actually. That's why my eyes are squinty. "

" Just like Squinty ! " Gary exclaimed.

Ash nodded. " Yep. So, I've been wondering, Mort. How is Mewtwo when you two are alone ? "

" Well, he drinks bottles of tequila on Thursdays and gets freakin' wasted, man. I remember when he crashed that R.E.M. concert. There was no friendly mosh pit. Only pitchforks...and beer bottles. "

Domino's jaw dropped. " It's just like when Wendy gets wasted. She could put away a whole pack of Jello shots and still see straight. "

Everyone sat in silence for a few seconds while Whitney drove the car slowly until Giovanni popped the big question. " So...has Mewtwo created any world domination schemes yet ? " he asked.

The Deoxys shook his head. " Actually, he's living in an apartment with me...and his girlfriend, Rai, when she comes home...and sometimes Azelf. He's a pretty good housekeeper. One giant neat-freak. Keeps his tea sets all in one row, all in order. I can't even touch them 'cause he doesn't trust me. "

" Why would a pokemon want tea sets ? " Misty inquired.

" The same reason why Arceus has a human oven - to make pink cupcake frosting. "

" How do you make pink cupcake frosting with tea sets ? "

" It's a very complicated concept, Misty, " Mortimer replied, " but you need a_ loooot_ of patience to deal with it. That's why I can't touch his things. I have no patience. "

" Neither does Domino, " Tracey said. " She can't even play through one game of Monopoly without whining that she's bored. "

" That's because you do nothing ! " Domino retorted. " You buy nothing, you pay out nothing. You don't do anything with that money except pay taxes and my rent money ! "

" Well, if you would give me a loan... "

" I'm not giving you bull ! Get a job, Tracey, or at least pass GO instead of getting yourself in jail all the time ! "

" It's not my fault I always roll the wrong number ! It's karma ! "

" Hey, karma didn't do anything with Life, so don't blame it on Monopoly, either ! "

" Well, my arm is still in a cast, if you must know ! "

Domino let a piercing scream as she smashed Tracey's arm into the car door. " Damn it, and you still owe me in Sorry ! "

_**" OWWWWW ! CALL MY MORTAGE LAWYERS ! "**_

**" NEVER ! "**

As the couple continued to fight, Mortimer sweatdropped. " Why are they fighting over Monopoly money ? "

Ash scratched his head. " It's not just Monopoly. They fight over Yahtzee..."

" And Connect Four... " Gary trailed off.

" And Chutes and Ladders... "

" And CandyLand... "

" And Go Fish... "

" Oh, and don't forget last week's badminton incident ! " Misty added.

Giovanni groaned. " Why did I agree to come with you guys ? "

Ash patted his dad's back pitifully. " Because Mom threatened you, that's why. "

" Right. Now I have one thing to ask. "

" Alcohol ? "

T.T " No, Red._** WHITNEY, LET ME DRIVE MY OWN CAR , DAMN IT ! "**_

The car screeched to an abrupt halt, and Whitney sniffled. " Fine...you meanie. "

They switched spots and Whitney choked back a sob. " Ash, your dad is a douche. "

" I know that, Whitney. I know that. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview)_

_Max gawked at the coal-black legendary. " Darkrai...you're beautiful ! "_

_Ai nodded. " Yeah, no wonder Mewtwo has a crush on you ! "_

_Mewtwo started to blush frantically. " Well, she is my girlfriend. "_

_Molly gasped. " Really ? "_

_T.T " Yeah, really. "_

_Roxanne began to laugh. " Oh, that's so cute. You're just like Conway...or Uryu. "_

_" Uryu, as in from Bleach, Uryu ? " Reiji inquired._

_Conway nodded. " Yeah. Caroline actually had triplets... "_

_Max's jaw dropped. " WHAT THE F--K ?! "_


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 : Darkrai's Fortress and Bad Wording

_YAH ! New chapter ! We have humor, seriousness, and...the Viking Song (which I'm not sure if that is the name of the real song, but I made my version up...so...no suing...) Oh, and the Team Rocket motto is modified (mainly 'cause I forgot some parts of the Sinnoh motto...)_

* * *

" Here we are. Rai's fortress, " Mewtwo muttered. " Oh, and watch your step. I think there's still banana peels on the floor. (She's not the best housecleaner). "

Max scratched his head. " Wow. I would've never guessed that pokemon have different personalities. "

T.T " And I thought that you were supposed to be smart..."

Molly huffed as she smacked Mewtwo's paw. " Don't talk to Max like that ! He's so smartical it's sickening. "

DX " _**THAT WORD IS SOOOO F--KING ANNOYING ! "**_

The group had finally made it to the cave. Mewtwo was in an emo mood, Roxanne and Conway were observing every plant and particle in the air, Reiji was just staring into outer space, and everything was just unorderly.

Ai scratched her head. " Where did that word come from again ? "

Mewtwo gave the blue haired girl an annoyed look. " Don't get the kid started, Ai. I'll cut myself. "

:D " Okay, then ! I can't stop you ! "

" Ugh... "

Max shrugged. " Yeah, let's just drop the conversation. Anyway, where's Darkrai at ? "

The purple pokemon pointed to the top of a pillar. " Right there. "

Max gawked at the coal-black legendary. " Darkrai...you're beautiful ! "

Ai nodded. " Yeah, no wonder Mewtwo has a crush on you ! "

Mewtwo started to blush frantically. " Well, she is my girlfriend. "

Molly gasped. " Really ? "

T.T " Yeah, really. "

Roxanne began to laugh. " Oh, that's so cute. You're just like Conway...or Uryu. "

" Uryu, as in from Bleach, Uryu ? " Reiji inquired.

Conway nodded. " Yeah. Caroline actually had triplets... "

Max's jaw dropped. _**" WHAT THE F--K ?! "**_

" Hey, he was fastforwarded, too, but before me. It's a very complicated process, and he has a hard life as a Quincy. "

" What's a Quincy ? "

" Well, Ai, basically a Quincy is a regular human with no powers to defeat evil souls, but with a giant brain and a very annoying personality. That's why there aren't too many of them. "

" So...are we Quincys, too ? " Max asked.

" Nope. You have to be very annoying to make it in the Quincys (oh, and also bribe Ichiro.) "

" I thought it was Ichigo..." Roxanne trailed off.

"...Right. I got him mixed up with Naruto. "

Mewtwo cleared his throat. " Hey, we're not here to discuss Maple's screwed up family and their genetics. We're here to see Darkrai. "

(Everyone else) " Right. "

" Okay, then. So...hi, Rai. "

Darkrai waved one paw lazily. " Hey, Marv. 'Sup ? "

T.T " Uh, we have a bunch of psycho people chasing us, " Mewtwo replied. " It's retarded, really. If I wanted to stalk someone, I would tap into their IP address and track them down to their mailbox. That's the new and hip way to do that kind of bullcrap. "

" Yeah...so...what are you asking me for ? " Rai inquired as she scratched the top of her head.

" Well, I'm pretty poor, " Reiji stated. " I need mone- "

**STAB !**

(Reiji) X.X

Rai placed her paws on her ...hips ? (I dunno. Equivalent of hips, I guess.) " Okay, one rule for all of you. Don't ask me for that. I have no problem killing people. "

(All the humans) O.o " Yes, ma'am. "

V.V " Good, very good. "

Roxanne sweatdropped. " So...what are we going to do with him ? "

" Eh. Bury him, I guess. I'm not one who revives people. It's retarded. "

Molly scratched her head. " I thought you were emo... "

_SHADOW BALL !_

_**" MEWTWO, YOU FLIPPIN' NOOB ! "**_ Rai screeched. " I wish you would quit telling everyone my flippin' business ! "

( 0.0 ) " ...'kay. "

Rai nodded. " Anyway, so...what do you want ? "

Molly huffed. " We already told you ! A bunch of psycho people are chasing us, and stupid Marvin here thought to go to you for help ! "

" Don't call me tha- "

**STOMP !**

_**" SHUT UP ! "**_

Rai snickered. " I like her style. "

Ai sighed. " Molly, have you been staying up late again ? "

" ...Maybe. "

Conway fiddled with his glases. " Okay. So, are you going to help us out or not ? I have to try and get Dawn to go on a date with me. "

Roxanne glared at him. He sweatdropped. " Maybe not. "

The Darkrai rolled her eyes. " I guess I can help you, but I'll have to morph. "

-poof!-

In an instant everyone saw Darkrai turn from a pokemon into a five foot six inch morpher. Her skin was of a light black. Her eyeballs were teal with black eyes. She had dark black hair up to her chest with an ivory-colored hairpiece on top of her forehead and red barrettes on the sides. Her clothes were of a navy blue t-shirt and a black skirt. Her nails were of the same color as her hairpiece, and she also had a tail, but what surprised everyone was that she was wearing red glasses on her face.

Max sweatdropped. " Wow. "

" Don't make fun of me ! " Rai snapped. " I have bad eye vision, okay ?! "

Mewtwo fell over to the floor and started to laugh hysterically. _" HAHAHAHAHA ! RAI'S A NEEEEERD !_ "

_" SHUT THE F--K UP, MEWTWO ! "_

" Never ! "

" Oh, yeah ?! "

-poof!-

Mewtwo was poofed into a shorter morph version of himself. His skin was of a light purple, and also had a tail. His hands and feet only had two fingers/toes each. He was wearing a black sweatshirt with a bunny head on it, blue shorts, and black shoes. He had a shoulder-length blonde wig on his head with a fake goatee on his face. His ears were on top of his head, and his slanted dark purple eyes glared at everyone. " D..._SHUT UP ! "_

" What's with the bunny, Mewtwo ? " Ai asked.

" Uh...I like bunnies..." Mewtwo replied as he started to blush.

" Okay, then... "

" Uh, your legs are scrawny... " Roxanne trailed off.

" And...you also have a tail..." Max added.

" And...your shoes are retarded... "

_" SHUT UP, CONWAY ! "_

Conway shrugged. " Okay, then... Marvin."

**PSYCHIC !**

X.o " Ow. "

Rai cleared her throat. " Okay, here's the plan. We're gonna go and warn Shaymin. "

" Why not Phione ? " Molly asked.

" Phione and I are not on speaking terms, " the Darkrai curtly replied. " She stole my lawnmower and joyrided in it. "

" But...you don't like Shaymin, " Mewtwo muttered.

-.- " I know that, but I can tolerate her. "

T.T " You tried to eat her as a salad. "

**DARK VOID !**

_**" WHAT THE HELL DID I SAY ABOUT REVEALING MY PRIVATE BUSINESS ?! "**_

O.O " Not to say anything... "

Rai nodded. " Good cloned...purple thingie. Anybody else want to reveal my business ? "

(x5) " No, ma'am. "

" Good. Okay, so here's what we're going to do... "

* * *

_**" YAH ! YAH ! YAH ! YAH ! YAAAAAH ! I AM A VIKIIIIIING ! "**_

_BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG._

It was a very bleak (yet hilarious) sight. Misty sat in the passenger seat, looking bored. Whitney, Jasmine, and Tracey were in the middle section, and Ash, Gary, Domino, and Mortimer were in the back.

Everything was screwed up. Whitney was reading every religious pamphlet she could find and popping Sudafed. Jasmine was humming to herself while she was knitting something (and was like the only sane person in the car.) Tracey was trying to sketch a roadsign (but was sucking.) Gary and Domino were arguing over who won in blackjack. Ash was spacing out (like the retard he is), and Mortimer was trying to sing all 541 verses of the Viking Song, but couldn't count pass three, so he kept repeating the same three verses over and over and over.

(Mortimer) _**" I AM A VIIIIIKING ! WE CHOP AND STEAL STUUUUFF ! WE DRINK LOTS OF BOOOOOZE !**_ Uh..._**I AM A VIIIIIKING ! WE CHOP AND STEAL STUUUUUUUF ! WE DRINK LOTS OF BOOOOOZE !**_ Uh...uh..._**I AAAAM AAAAA VIIIIIKIIIIIIIINGGGGG !... "**_

And of course through all of the commotion, once again Giovanni was banging his head on the steering wheel while driving.

Finally, after twenty minutes of senseless droning, Ash cleared his throat. " Hey, Mortimer ? "

The Deoxys tilted his head out of amusement. " Yeah ? "

" ...Could you teach me the Viking Song ? It's really neat ! "

" Su- "

**PURSE' D x2 !**

_**" NOT IN YOUR F--KING DREAMS ! "**_ Domino screeched as her purse reached both Ash's and Mortimer's heads.

Gary tutted. " Well, this thing tops the list for the most annoying legendary. "

Misty nodded. " Yeah, and I thought Mew was bad. "

Ash shook his head. " No way ! Regigigas is _waaay_ worse than Mortimer ! "

Mortimer nodded. " Yeah, he's always like, _' Mortimer, could you spare a dime ?_' _'Mortimer, could you hide my weed ?' 'Mortimer, I need you to wire me two million dollars or the feds are going to kill me !'_ It's pathetic ! "

Whitney sweatdropped. " That's not a very good role-model (or legendary.) Maybe we should burn him on a stake. "

T.T " Whitney, please stop, " Jasmine murmured.

" Okay ! "

Tracey grinned. " Yep. "

" Yep, what ? " Domino inquired.

" Ash peed his pants again. "

_" I DID NO-_ Oh, yeah...I did. "

The car slammed into a gas station abruptly. Giovanni glared at Ash. " One warning, Red, " he snarled. " Use the toilet or DIE ! "

" You can't make me ! "

" WHAT ?! Hell yeah, I can ! "

**SHOVE OUT OF CAR ! -**

Ash made fists. " I won't forgive you ! "

" Whatever. "

As Ash left for the toilet and then came back to the car, Misty sweatdropped. " Uh, guys ? "

(Kids and Mortimer) " What ? "

" Uh, does anybody have any idea why there's a giant fighting robot in the middle of the street ? "

**_" THERE'S A GIANT FIGHTING ROBOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET ?! "_** Giovanni screamed. " _**GOOD GIRATINA, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE ! "**_

Ash put a hand to his forehead. " Way to go for making us happy our last few minutes, Douche, " he said sarcastically.

" You know what, Ash ? "

" Huh ? "

_" I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN ! "_

Silence consumed everybody for a long time before the robot stuck out his tongue to reveal two people in white uniforms and a talking Meowth. It was none other than Jessie, James, and Meowth.

" Listen, is that a twerpish voice I hear ? " Jessie asked.

" It's speaking to me annoying, yet clear, " James replied.

" On the wind ! "

" Past the stars ! "

Meowth jumped up and waved a flag with a red R on it. " In your ear ! "

Jessie grinned. " Breaking speed with a neck-break pace ! "

James flipped his hair. " Dashing hope putting fear in its place ! "

" A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet ! "

" When everything's worse, our work is complete ! "

" Jessie ! "

" James ! "

" Meowth, now dere's a name ! "

" Putting all the do-gooders in their place and putting a pebble in their shoe ! "

" We're Team Rocket in your face ! "

" We're Problem Number Two ! " Meowth finished.

Jessie laughed evilly. " Ah, the twerps ! We're going to take this city over with our newly paid giant robot ! Oh, and to also get back at that bitch, Cassidy. "

" Go ahead. We're not gonna stop you, " Ash muttered angrily.

James smirked. " Damn strai- huh ? "

" I said, go ahead ! " Ash repeated. " We're not gonna stop you ! "

Meowth scratched his head. " Twoipy, have you gone insane ? "

" No. "

" Okay...so...why you actin' dis way ? "

Ash stepped out of the car and calmy walked over to the giant robot. Jessie sweatdropped. " Anything wrong ? "

" No..._**EXCEPT MY DAD IS A NO-GOOD NARCISSIST SON OF A BITCH BASTARD THAT'S A F--KING LOSER AND CAN JUST F--KING DIE ! "**_ Ash roared.

He turned to the bumbling trio. _**" AND YOU THREE ! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT ?! FREEZING PRIEST, YOU THREE ARE THE BIGGEST LOSERS I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE ! ALL OF YOU ARE AS BAD AS MY...DISOWNED FATHER ! STUPID, STUPID SONS OF BITCHES ! I'VE HAD IT ! "**_

And with a kick to the metallic leg, Ash threw his hat to the ground and stormed off in the opposite direction. James paled. " What did you twerps do to him ? He's usually just annoying. "

Domino sighed. " Ask Douchy. "

Giovanni glared at the backseat. " Hmph. So much for loyalty. "

" Uh, you just broke your own son's trust. I'm pretty sure you shouldn't get mad. "

" Well, it's true. "

Everyone stood in silence for a very long time, even Mortimer. Jessie was the first to speak. " That's the worst thing you could do to anybody, " she quietly said. " Say that your child was never born. "

" You heard what da Boss was saying ? " Meowth asked.

" Yeah. It's the worst thing you could do to anybody, " the redhead repeated. " I know. I remember it was a long time ago. Twenty-five long years ago. I was only two. Mom...my real mom...I still lived with her. She always acted and pretended to be nice to me, but every day I heard shouts from her own boss on how I was one giant failure to the business. "

Jessie's eyes started to water as she continued. " Then...one day, she said that to me. " I wish you were never born ! Then, maybe the Boss would have respect me. " She shattered my heart. It was the worst thing she could ever say. She would rather please her cold, heartless boss instead of her own daughter. I tried to win her love, but she stuck me in a home and just...went off to the Andes Mountains, never to be heard from again. I thought...I thought that if I joined Team Rocket, then...maybe I would be happy like Mom. But it wasn't anything like that kind of happiness. It was being with James and Meowth. Still... "

James wrapped an arm around her. " We understand. "

Everyone stood in silence until Misty spoke up. " Okay. All of us know that Mr. Ketchum is nothing more than a bastardly douchebag, so how do we get Ash back to his cheery, annoying, pants-wetting self ? "

Jessie sniffled. " Well, there are two options. Option Number One is the obvious one - an apology. "

" Which we all know that getting an apology from the Boss is very slim to none, " Domino muttered.

-.- " Right, and what I did was...binge on food. "

Tracey scratched his head. " So...all we have to do is to check at every restaurant is where Ash is eating at ? "

" Uh, yeah. "

Gary felt his head. " I think I may know where Stupid's at. "

* * *

(Arby's)

" Uh, Oaky ? "

T.T " What is it, Whitney ?! "

" Why are we at Arby's ? "

Gary moaned. " Jasmine, would you tell her ? Please ? "

Jasmine nodded. " We're looking for Ash, Whitney. Don't you remember ? "

" Oh, yea- _**GOOD GIRATINA ! WHAT IS THAT ?! "**_

She pointed with a shaky finger at a slumped down Ash with a needle stuck in his arm. Mortimer gasped. " My Arceus, Ash is Arby's roast beef comatose ! "

Everyone sweatdropped as Misty walked up to the food overdose boy, yanked the needle out of him, and started to slap him. " Ash, I don't care if you do have a giant stomach ! " she hissed. " That much Arby's can kill you ! "

Ash looked up from the table and glared at her. " So ?! Like I care ! Food makes me happy, especially Arby's ! "

(Gary) " No, seriously, dude. That much Arby's is not healthy for you. "

_" SHUT UP, OAKY ! "_

Meowth poked the black haired boy. " Twoipy, you're actin' like a kid. "

" I _am_ a kid ! "

" Uh, you're fourteen, Ashy. "

" Hmph ! "

Tracey sweatdropped. " Well, we tried. "

Misty nodded. " Yep. Time for Plan B. Mortimer ! Bring in the douche ! "

The Deoxys shoved Giovanni inside the restaurant. Ash snatched back the needle from Misty's grasp and sighed. " Dad, you are the biggest douche I know, and you broke my heart today, but...I think we're even now. "

Giovanni sweatdropped. " Uh, what do you mean ? "

" Well, I have some discriminating evidence that you nearly killed Brock's dad in a drinking competition. "

O.o " What do you mean ?... "

" Behold ! The power of DVDs ! "

-several facefaults!-

/.\ " Okay, I'm sorry. "

Ash wagged a finger. " Not just yet. Before we do anything to continue the search, I need to do something first. "

" Whatever it is, do it. "

* * *

_**" WHEEEEE ! WHEEEEEE ! GIANT FIGHTING ROBOTS ARE FUUUUN ! "**_ Ash cried as he picked up a tree with the robotic arms and threw it at some building...named...Silph Company.

Everyone's jaw dropped, even Mortimer's. Jessie, James, and Meowth looked at each other. James scratched his head. " Uh, maybe we should go... "

" Right, Jimmy. It ain't worth it to see Twoipy actin' like a 'tard. "

Jessie nodded. " Team Rocket's disappearing again ! "

-poof x3!-

Giovanni moaned and turned to the others. " Okay, absolutely nobody mentions this to Delia, or she will kill me. "

-everyone else- " Deal. "

" Good. Next time I'll make sure to choose my wording right. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" I hate being a morph ! " Rai hissed. " Where the hell could that flippin' hedgehog be ?! "_

_" Hey, Miss Rai ? "_

_" Huh ? What's wrong, Ai ? "_

_O.o " I do not like the look that that rock thing is giving us. "_

_Rai turned to see what Ai was pointing at and sweatdropped. " Oh, damn, not Regigigas. "_

_T.T " We're all screwed, aren't we ? "_

_" Yes, Marvin, we are. "_

_DX " DON'T CALL ME THA- "_

_PUNCH !_

_O.o " Never mind... "  
_


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 : Crack-Addicted Regigigas

_We have Conway bashings, Regi bashings, and...lame 'your mom' jokes. Insane. ;D_

* * *

Once again the group of seven were still looking for Shaymin. It had been three days already, and there was no sign of the small legendary. Needless to say, Rai was getting more and more P.O.d by the second.

" I hate being a morph ! " Rai hissed. " Where the hell could that flippin' hedgehog be ?! "

" Hey, Miss Rai ? "

" Huh ? What's wrong, Ai ? "

O.o " I do _not_ like the look that that rock thing is giving us. "

Rai turned to see what Ai was pointing at and sweatdropped. " Oh, damn, not Regigigas. "

T.T " We're all screwed, aren't we ? "

" Yes, Marvin, we are. "

DX _" DON'T CALL ME THA- "_

**PUNCH !**

O.o " Never mind... "

Conway fiddled with his glasses. " Darkrai, isn't he the legendary that injects crack ? "

Rai groaned. " Yeah. We give him another decade before his arteries explode. He already has five felony offenses against him. It's really, really sad. Oh, and Regi looks like he's one of his psycho moods. "

Mewtwo whimpered. " Oh, God. Should we start running ? "

_HYPER BEAAAAAAAM !_

O.O " Yes. Start running. "

They all started to run very fast. Max sweatdropped as the druggie pokemon made giant craters into the ground. " Wow. What power ! If I could wire that power to my laser beam, I will pwn all of my foes ! "

Molly sighed angrily. " And who could an eight-year old possibly hate ?! "

Max huffed. " Harley. "

" Oh. Who's he ? "

T.T " Don't ask. "

Roxanne tutted. " He's the purple-haired rapist. He actually dressed as me for a week. I hit him. Hard. Very hard. "

Rai gave everyone an angry look. " This isn't time for tea and talk ! Regi's pissed. "

Ai scratched her head. " Uh, where are we, anyway ? "

" Uh, let's see...we arrived from Newmoon Island, and we took a couple of ferries...uh-oh. "

Mewtwo sweatdropped. " Uh-oh ?! What do you mean, uh-oh ?! "

" Well...we're in Cherrygrove. "

(Molly) O.O " In Johto ? "

" Yah. In Johto. "

" So...how is Regigigas in Johto ?..." Conway inquired.

_PURSUIT !_

_" HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW ?! "_

" I...need...**_M&MMMMMMMMS ! "_** Regigigas roared.

" What the f--k ?! "

Regigigas launched another hyper beam. " I said I need M&Ms ! "

Everyone facefaulted. Rai huffed. " What about your addiction ? "

V.V " Oh, I'm still addicted. I'm just hungry. I did a bit of weed this morning, and by Jove, I am _soooo_ stoned. "

Max sweatdropped. " Wow. I am in awe of your pretty buttons and superb power ! Could you link me some of that hyper beam to my laser be- "

**SMACK !**

_" JUST FORGET ABOUT HARLEY, MAX ! "_

O.o " Yes, Molly. "

Mewtwo smirked. " Hehehe...Max is already acting like a hus - _baaaand. "_

_**" SHUT UP, BALDY ! "**_

/.\ " Oh, how you hurt me so, Glasses Boy. Just like the idiot douche that tried to kill me two years ago. I still remember that day. How evil it was. I can't even think straight sometimes because of that. "

" Hey, my brother got framed by Dialga and Palkia ! " Rai hissed. " He nearly had his head chopped off because of a missing duffel bag, so I don't want to hear you complaining, boyfriend or not ! "

" Fine ! I might as well let Regi kill me ! "

" Fine, then. I won't stop you ! "

Regi pulled out a gun. " Okay. Do you want me to shoot your brains out so you could die quickly, or do you want me to stab you until you go unconscious ? "

O.O " I was just kidding... "

" Awwww, okay. "

Ai sweatdropped and stared at the purple pokemon. " You wouldn't really try and kill yourself, would you, Mewtwo-kun? "

Mewtwo let out a light blush. " Of course not, Ai. That's just a little joke that grown-ups do when they're P.O.'d. "

T.T " I am the same age as you, technically. Fourteen. "

_**" HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIGURE OUT I'M FOURTEEN ?! "**_

" Clones age quickly for three years. "

" Well, actually, I'm twenty-one. "

" Oh. "

" Good guess, though. "

" Thank you. "

Regigigas groaned. " So...I can't kill anybody ? "

Roxanne shook her head. " No way in Hell, junkie. "

" Awww, dang. "

Conway adjusted his glasses as he took a step closer to Regigigas. " Look at the craftwork on this rocky legendary ! He could have been auctioned off on eBay for good money if he didn't start using drugs. Drugs really give a bad effect to merchandise. I've read about the effects in books published by the D.E.A. agents. A lot of users are psycho, though. No wonder you have no friends, Regi. Who wants to spend time with a pokemon that only showers every two decades ? I wouldn't, if I was a pokemon. "

_" SHUT UP !_ I made three legendaries myself ! "

" Yeah, the rock-addicted one (Regirock), the meth user (Regice), and the PCP psycho (Registeel). That's a lot of I.Q. points going down in the regions, you know. How did you guys manage to create the Orange Archipelago again ? Of course, nobody really goes there anymore, because things have started to get reeeal ghetto. It's sad. Even tourism has gone low. Everyone goes to Seafoam or the Whirl Islands anymore, 'cause the Orange Archipelago sucks. "

" Yeah, well...you're a dork ! "

" Indeed I am ! " Conway exclaimed. " I have received so many science medals the scientists are envious ! I have so many math trophies my teachers want to shoot me ! "

" (So do I...) "

" Every time I get an equation right, Roxanne owes me a dollar ! Every time my I.Q. goes up, Brawly kicks me in the stomach instead of the face ! It's really satisfying ! Oh, and I can't wait to get back to school ! Everyone will hate me because of my smartical abilitie- "

**SHADOW BALL !**

_**" F--K YOUR SMARTICAL ABILTIES ! "**_ Rai snapped. _**" SHUT THE HELL UP, ALREADY ! "**_

Conway huffed. " I will not ! Roxanne needs to teach me some more algebra ! "

Rai banged her head on the wall out of frustration. " Regi, I may take you up on your killing deal today. "

" Really ? "

" Naw. I can't die yet. "

" Awwww. "

" You could kill Conway, though... "

Roxanne crossed her arms. " He may be a dork, but no killing ! "

" You sure ? "

" Yeah... "

" Damn. "

Max sweatdropped. " Aren't we supposed to find Shaymin instead of killing my estranged older twin brother ? "

Regi gasped. " That hedgehog ?! "

" Yeah... "

" I remember Shaymin ! " the Regigigas cried. " It was '99... "

* * *

(Flashback)

_**" GOTDAMN IT, REGI ! I AM NOT A FLIPPIN' SALAD ! "**_ Shaymin screamed as she made her way under the table.

Regigigas roared as he made a couple of giant dents with hyper beam._** " ME WANT SALAD ! ME WANT CRACK ! "**_

T.T " I know... _ACK ! "_

**ANCIENTPOWER !**

Shaymin sweatdropped. " Oh, cripes, this is bad for my face ! I'm going to get wrinkles before I grow old ! I have to do something... "

**RAZOR LEAF !**

_**" GO AWAY, JUNKIE ! "**_

" No. "

_VINE WHIP !_

" I said to get the hell away from me ! "

* * *

Everyone sweatdropped. Molly's jaw dropped. " You tried to eat Shaymin ? "

" I'm not the only one, " Regigigas replied as he gave a cool glance at Darkrai.

Rai huffed. " She was asking for it. "

**DARK VOID !**

" Like you asked for that, Regi. "

Regigigas roared as he threw a car tire against the ceiling. " Give me a gotdamn break, Darkrai ! I'm homeless ! "

-.- " Groudon hates you, too... "

" F--k Groudon. He took Kyogre away from me. "

V.V " You never had Kyogre, junkie. "

_" SHUT UP, MARVIN ! "_

Mewtwo grimaced. " Man, you're such a lame-ass. My mom can figure up better retorts than you can ! "

" Whatev. Your mom. "

" _MY MOM WHAT ?! "_

Rai sweatdropped and pulled a strand off of Mewtwo's blonde wig. " Uh, Mewtwo, maybe we should just search for that vain hedgehog... "

**_" NO ! MY MOM WHAT ?! "_**

Regigigas smirked. " Just, your mom. "

Ai gasped. " Ooh. The junkie is going to get it now. "

" Why ? " Max asked.

" Nobody insults Mew. "

Immediately eight shadow balls casted towards the rock legendary's direction. Mewtwo's purple eyes turned blue as he casted attacks. _**" YOUR MOM'S A WHORE ! "**_ he screamed.

" Whatev, whatev. Words cannot hurt me, Marvin-kun. "

**SWIFT !**

_**" SHUT UP ! DON'T CALL ME MARVIN ! "**_

-.- " Marvin. "

"_** SHUT UP ! SHUT UP ! SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUP ! "**_

**SHADOW BALL ! SHADOW BALL ! SHADOW BALL !**

Rai groaned. " Great. Mewtwo's having a moment. Okay, kiddies. Let's get out of here before one of you get hurt. I really don't care about you, though, Conway. "

(Conway) T.T " Thank you, Darkrai, for caring. "

(Rai) V.V " Well, you know. I just hate the nooby dorky guys. "

As Conway was about to make a snide comment, Roxanne pushed him out the doorway. " Okay, everyone. Let's go. You heard the emo legendary. "

* * *

(A few hours later...)

" Ow. Regi may be doped up, but he's hurtful, " Mewtwo said, sobbing.

Rai smacked the purple pokemon in the head as she cleaned up a wound on his knee. " It's your own damn fault, you know. I'm not going to pity you. "

" But he insulted my mom ! "

" So ?! I'm not your damn bitch, Mewtwo ! I'm just your girlfriend ! "

Ai nodded. " And I'm his adopted sister. "

Mewtwo nodded slowly. " See ? Ai admits it ! She loves me as a relative, don't you, Ai-chan ? "

" Yep. But still, you knew he was on drugs... "

" Awwww, _**GOTDAMN IT ! "**_

Max tutted. " Such foul language. "

Conway fiddled with his glasses. " Such foul language, indeed. "

" I wonder if he has a swear filter like the chatrooms do. "

" I don't know, Max, my robot brother. "

_**" I AM NOT A ROBOT ! "**_

The older brother sweatdropped. " What the hell do you mean ?! You have a laser beam in the middle of your chest, and a computer chip on your back ! "

" Oh. Right. Memory loss. "

Roxanne frowned. " Conway, don't get your brother upset, okay ? You could get burned. "

" Awww, okay. "

" Let him, " Molly muttered. " Nobody likes Conway except you and Max, anyway. "

Conway turned a dramatic shade of blue. " All my smart work...a waste. "

Rai huffed. " Yeah, we already established that, but we still haven't been able to find that hedgehog ! Where the hell could Shaymin be ?! "

Ai raised her hand. " Maybe in the Whirl Island Cave with Lugia. "

_" HUH ?!_ How the heck did you figure that out ? "

" It says so on the map. "

The Darkrai facefaulted. " Of course. She's been trying to give makeup tips to Lugia for a while now. That poor girl. "

Mewtwo nodded. " Yeah. Lugia's always so sad because Shaymin pesters her every Tuesday. "

-flash!-

Suitcases were packed up in a flash. Everyone else facefaulted as Rai winked. " Okay, noobs. Let's get going to teh cave ! "

Conway groaned. " I don't wanna ! "

**BITE !**

_" SHUT UP ! "_

And so the group of seven continued their way through Johto to the Whirl Islands to look for Shaymin.

End

* * *

(Next chapter preview :)

_" Hi, Delia. "_

_" Oh, it's Mr. Douche, " Delia said over the phone with a testy tone in her voice. " Did you kill our son ? "_

_" It's been two weeks already ! Can't you forgive me yet ?! "_

_" Does a Magikarp have wings ? "_

_Giovanni groaned. Ash started to crack up as he fell to the floor. " Ooh. You got burned by Mom. "_

_T.T " She's asking if you changed your underwear. "_

_Ash started to blush. " Not in a week... "_

_(O.o)_

_Whitney gasped. " Ash, that's ungodly ! You should be hit with the belt ! Go ahead, Mr. Ketchup ! Hit him ! "_

_" NO ! "_

_Mortimer grinned. " Hehehe...it's fun to see humans fight over the phone..."_

_" SHUT UP, FOOTBALL HEAD ! "_

_o.o "...'Kay. "  
_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 : Search of the Ingrish Pokemon

_A lot of humor, a couple of references to Hurricane Ike (which sucks), and global warming (also sucks). Maybe it'll brighten your day somewhat. Idk. Hope everyone likes it, or...meh. XD _

* * *

Everything seemed to fall apart in the residence of Giovanni's car, and all of it was due to Mortimer. The Deoxys had morphed into a football-head shaped teenager with black eyes, the dreads, a purple mark on his forehead, and a stud in his left ear. His clothes consisted of a black shirt with a purple circle on it, purple shorts, and black boots. His skin was red with teal-colored tips, and he had a teal-colored goatee.

Needless to say, he seemed even more annoying as a morpher.

" Hey, Ash ! How many cups of alcohol does it take your dad to go insane ?! " Mortimer asked Ash.

Ash scratched his head. " Gee, Mortimer, I don't know. "

" He doesn't need any alcohol - he's already insane ! _MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! "_

_" MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ! "_

_**" MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA ! "**_

Ash, who was happy with his companion, opened up the window wide. " _**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA ! DAD JOKES ARE FUUUUUN ! "**_

Everyone looked at the two with angry expressions. Domino banged her head against the car seat. " How...long...must...this...**GO ON ?!** " she demanded.

Mortimer patted Domino's back. " Forever and ever. "

" And ever and ever and ever, " Ash added.

_SMACK !_

_" GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU LITTLE FREAK ! "_

Gary chuckled. " Wow, Ash. How many people's lives do you have to destroy before finally turning intelligent ? "

" I think about sixteen, " Ash replied.

-facefault!-

Giovanni twitched. " Okay, kiddies. I think it's time that we have a lunch break before several of us have bursted blood vessels. "

Ash raised his hand. " Ooh ! Can we order Chinese, Dad ? Please ?_ Pleeeeeaaaase ? "_

" No, Ash, we are not ordering Chinese food. "

_" Pleaaaaaseeeee ?_ _Pleeeeeeeaaaaase ?! "_

_**" NO, GOTDAMN IT ! NO CHINESE FOOD ! "**_

" Awww, come _oooooon !_ " Mortimer pleaded.

" Yeah, Dad, come _ooooooooooon ! "_

_**" DON'T MAKE ME CRASH THIS CAR INTO ANOTHER TREE AGAIN ! "**_ Giovanni snapped. _**" SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I HAVE TO HURT YOU ! "**_

-.- " You can't hurt me. Mom will kill you. "

" ...Got_DAMN_ it ! "

Misty leaned over to the driver's seat and cupped her hands. " Mr. Ketchum, I strongly advice you to find some blackmailing ideas so you can shut Ash's mouth up. "

(sarcastically) " Gee, thanks, Misty. I've tried for fourteen times. Hey, maybe the fifteenth time will work ! "

Domino tutted. " The Boss is acting like a dooo-ooouche again. "

T.T " Domino, don't make me have to dock your pay. "

O.o " Okay..."

Jasmine sighed. " All of this rain. You'd think a hurricane would be lenient for once. "

Tracey gasped. " There's a hurricane going on ?! "

" Yeah, around the Orange Archipelago. "

" Holy Danish ! That sucks ! "

Whitney grinned. " Don't worry, Tracey. Global warming will kill us all in fifty years ! "

" Yeah..."

Giovanni rubbed his forehead. " Okay, Whitney...just...be quiet. "

" Okie-dokie, Mr. Ketchup ! "

T.T " Why do I bother with kids ? "

* * *

As the group of kids were chomping down on Whoppers, tofu burgers, and salads at a local Burger King, Giovanni made a phone call to his own " boss ".

" Hi, Delia. "

" Oh, it's Mr. Douche, " Delia said over the phone with a testy tone in her voice. " Did you kill our son ? "

" It's been two weeks already ! Can't you forgive me yet ?! "

" Does a Magikarp have wings ? "

Giovanni groaned. Ash started to crack up as he fell to the floor. " Ooh. You got burned by Mom. "

T.T " She's asking if you changed your underwear. "

Ash started to blush. " Not in a week... "

(O.o)

Whitney gasped. " Ash, that's ungodly ! You should be hit with the belt ! Go ahead, Mr. Ketchup ! Hit him ! "

_" NO ! "_

Mortimer grinned. " Hehehe...it's fun to see humans fight over the phone..."

_**" SHUT UP, FOOTBALL HEAD ! "**_

o.o "...'Kay. "

A sharp sigh was heard on the other end. " So...where are you guys at ? " Delia asked.

Giovanni scratched his head nervously. " To tell you the truth, I have no idea... "

" We're in Saffron City, Dad ! " Ash replied.

" Really ? We were in Saffron City a few days ago, you know..."

" Yeah, and you made the wrong turn, " Domino butted in. " You really need to get a G.P.S. system on your car, Giovanni. Maybe then you won't get lost all the time. "

_**" I DIDN'T ASK YOU ! "**_

V.V " Whatever. One of my jobs_ is_ eavesdropping. I enjoy it. "

Tracey cleared his throat. " Let's see...we've been making circles for the past five days... "

Giovanni groaned. " Ah, gotdamn it. I knew the landscape looked familiar. Look, even Silph's still damaged from Ash's robot attack. "

_**" WHAT WAS THAT LAST SENTENCE ?! "**_

o.o " Nothing, Delia. Just my...thoughts...yeah. Anyway, do you know where we could find Phione at ? "

Silence on the other line of the phone was heard before the sounds of snapping fingers were made clear. " Hoenn, of course ! Phione is somewhere in Kanto. "

" Oh. Really ? "

" Yeah. "

" Oh. Okay, then...I'm going to hang up now... "

-sigh- " Just hang up the damn phone, Giovanni. "

" All righty, then ! Bye. "

-click-

Giovanni sighed out of relief. " I was expecting a long string of insults for her. I'm glad her temper went down slightly. She's still pissed off, though. "

" Of course she is, but I'm sure you still have a thing for her ! " Ash teased.

" I swear when this is all over I'm going to write my revenge list..."

Misty nodded. " Yeah, a lot of us are going to do just that. "

" And why is that, Miss Waterflower ? "

_**" ASH SPILLED GOTDAMN PEPSI ALL OVER MY WASHED SHORTS ! "**_ Misty hissed as she shoved Ash into the wall.

Giovanni sweatdropped. " How the hell did Ash manage to get Pepsi ?! He's been banned from caffeine ! "

" Ask Mortimer..." Gary trailed off.

Everyone gave dirty looks at the Deoxys. Mortimer scratched his head. " Why is everyone looking at me ? I have no idea what you are talking about ! I'm a newbie ! "

Jasmine nodded. " So are Whitney and I. Could you guys please explain ? "

In an instant a giant book was thrown onto one of the tables inside the restaurant. Gary opened it to one of the sections. " This book is called The Book of Ash the Retard. Over the years we have added sections to this book, since Ketchum always seems to find a way to ruin everything in his path. "

" We must have used forty-seven sources by now, " Tracey said.

" Forty-nine to be exact, " Gary corrected. " Anyway, we have all sorts of topics handling Ash's stupidity. Wetting the pants, cleaning up a giant pink gooey mess, birthday disasters, tequila-based rampages. You know, the works. "

Mortimer and Jasmine nodded. Whitney gasped. " Ash drinks ?! That's ungodly, Ash ! You could die ! "

" It was only once or twice ! " Ash retorted.

" It's so bad for you, though ! You could get Hepatitis ! "

_" I SAID IT WAS ONLY ONCE OR TWICE !_ " Ash snapped.

Whitney meekly shut her trap. Gary gave the pink-haired girl a cool glance. " Whitney, may I continue or do you want to bore us to death with your religious lectures ? "

" Uhhhhh...I would rather do the second option, Garrison, but I guess this is handy information if we need to babysit Ash sometime. "

Gary winced. " Okay, then. Just...never call me by my full name again, okay ? "

" Okay ! "

The auburn-haired boy sighed. " Okay, let's continue. Our problem today is Caffeine-Induced Retard. This section was written by...Brock. "

" Ew, that squinty-eyed pervert ? " Domino inquired.

T.T " Yes, that squinty-eyed pervert. Let's see what he wrote. "

Gary cleared his throat as he started to read :

_" April 2nd, 1998/2008 ,_

_Today as Misty, Ash, and I were heading towards Cinnabar Island, we made a colossal, horrible mistake._

_We gave Ash a caffeine-filled Dr. Pepper._

_Now, while Dr. Pepper sucks (in my opinion), Ash went berserk. For six and a half hours he was climbing the waaaaaalls. He was running around Fourth Street in his underwear screaming that the Yeti from Star Wars were going to try and abduct him for evil, scientific reasons._

_So...give Ash caffeine at your own risk. Side effects may include pissing, yodelling, and...diarrhea...yeah..._

_(Hey, maybe I could nab Misty the next time he's like this ! That's a picker-upper, even though Misty's nothing more than a scrawny orange-haired tomboy whose very hot sisters are whores...) "_

Everyone sweatdropped. Misty's cheeks flared. " Scrawny orange-haired tomboy ?! " she repeated angrily. " I'm going to kick the living crap out of Brock's flippin' ass ! "

Domino shook her head. " There will be time for that later, Mist. Right now we have to figure out two things. "

" What are the two things ? " Tracey asked.

" Number One - how to get Ash from the massive sugar-high he must be having. "

" And Number Two ? " Mortimer pressed on.

" Uh, where Ash is..."

Giovanni let out a groan. " Great. Another problem to our massive plan. "

_**" SNICKERS ARE THE F--KING BEST ! "**_

All of the kids and Giovanni turned around to see Ash in his underwear with a cardboard Burger King crown taped to his head. Jasmine took one step. " Ash, I have some green tea you can drink. It has a lot of caffeine, " she quietly said.

_**" OOH ! GIMME ! GIMME ! GIMME ! "**_

Ash jumped off the table and snatched the green tea bottle from Jasmine's grasp. Whitney gasped and shook Jasmine rather violently. " Jasmine, are you out of your mind ? Now he's going to kill us all, and you'll end up going to Hell ! I wouldn't be able to stand not having my best friend with me ! I'd have to kill myself, and then I would go to Hell myself, and all fifteen years of reading Bibles and Baptist pamphlets will all be for nothing ! Ohhhh, Jasmine, how could you doom us all ? You knew that global warming would kill us all in fifty years ! Why did you have to doom us all so soo- "

Jasmine clasped a hand over Whitney's mouth. " Just wait, Whitney. "

As Ash drank the green tea, he gasped._ " NOOOOO ! NO SUGAAAAAR ! "_

Jasmine gave a wicked grin. " Yep. The healthiest kind of tea there is. "

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOES ! "**_

The black-haired boy fell over and fainted. Mortimer's jaw dropped. " Okay, then. I now know my limits. I now know never to give my buddy any sort of caffeine or sugar ever again. "

" Amen to that, dirty-groomed Mortimer ! " Whitney said.

The group stood in silence for a few minutes before Tracey scratched his head nervously. " So...what do we do with him ? "

Giovanni sighed. " Let's see...we don't tell Delia about this. She'll kill both Mortimer and me. And...let's put his pants back on, or my back seat will be permanently stained with his body fluids. "

" You mean piss, " Mortimer corrected.

T.T " Don't even attempt to talk to me, Deoxys. "

Mortimer groaned. " Awww. I said I was sorry. Good Giratina, can't anyone give me a break ? "

(Everyone else except Ash and Jasmine) " No way, Football Head. "

Jasmine nodded softly. " Maybe you should keep your mouth quiet for just a little bit, " she suggested.

" Awwwww, fine. "

Pikachu shook his head in disgust. " Pi-pikachuuu. (Stupid retard.) "

* * *

(Next day...)

The next day everyone was sleeping outside of Saffron City.

Everyone except Ash.

The usually-lazy boy had decided to take a hike to the nearest pond to wash up. He sighed as he poured cold water over his head. " Man, I feel so hung. Still, I'm glad good ol' Mort gave me caffeine. "

Ash grinned as he stretched out and yawned. " Ah, man. Look at the view. I'm kinda glad that Dad isn't up yet. He would've ruined the moment by being naturally douchy, " he muttered to himself. " Lessee...today once again we're gonna look for Phione because Max can't even solve his own problems with his psychotic family. Stupid nerd. Hehehehe..."

He walked over to a dirt trail and cupped his hands together. _**" HELLOOOO, KANTO ! HOW YA'LL DOIN' TODAY ?! "**_

" Fine just am I ! "

" What the hell ?..."

In an instant a small blue pokemon appeared in front of Ash and giggled. " Phione am I ! Ingrish speak I ! You nice to meet ! "

Ash sweatdropped. " Wow...okay, then...What are you doing in Kanto ? "

" Brownie eating. Best it is. "

" Okay, then. You wouldn't mind helping us out on something, would you, Phione ? "

" Problem no. "

" Good. Thanks. "

" Problem no. "

" Yeah, problem no, I guess. "

Phione giggled. " Heehee. Boy are you. Girl am I ! Fun ! First Phione female to born be into kingdom Manaphy in three centuries ! Fuuuuun ! _Fuuuun ! "_

" Yeah, fun. "

" Heeheehee. Name is what you ? "

" My name ? Oh, Ash. Ash Ketchum. "

" You nice to meet, Ash Ketchup ! "

Ash groaned silently. " Okay, then. Let's go, Phione. "

" You're not going anywhere. "

Ash turned around to see a look-a-like of himself with a gun holstered into his arms. He gasped. " Uh-oh ! It's Itchy ! "

The look-a-like's cheeks flared. " It's _**RITCHIE**_, gotdamn it ! "

" Oh. Whatever. What the hell are you doing here ?! "

Ritchie gave a wicked laugh. " I work for the Culinary Cherry, of course. "

-.- " No surprise there, wannabe. "

_" SHUT UP ! "_

" Meh. "

" Anyway, you're not going anywhere with that Phione, because we're going to take it from you ! " Ritchie snarled.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Hey, uh...I'll make a bargain with you, " Ash said. " I keep Phione, and you get a giant bag of weed for your illegal uses. "_

_Ritchie's ears perked up. " Weed ? Where could you, of all people, get weed from ? "_

_" Well, let's see..."_

_SHOVEL'D !_

_" DRUGS ARE BAD, YOU WANNABE BASTARD ! " Ash screeched as he kicked Ritchie where it hurts._

_Ritchie scowled. " My only regret is...not being born...as you. "_

_(X.X)_

_O.o " Okay, then...let's go, Phione..."_

_" Okay ! "_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 : Itchy and the Return of the Ditz

_Humor, some drama, and a bitch fight. YAAAAAAY ! XD_

* * *

_(Last time on the retarded saga :)_

_Ash turned around to see a look-a-like of himself with a gun holstered into his arms. He gasped. " Uh-oh ! It's Itchy ! "_

_The look-a-like's cheeks flared. " It's RITCHIE, gotdamn it ! "_

_" Oh. Whatever. What the hell are you doing here ?! "_

_Ritchie gave a wicked laugh. " I work for the Culinary Cherry, of course. "_

_-.- " No surprise there, wannabe. "_

_" SHUT UP ! "_

_" Meh. "_

_" Anyway, you're not going anywhere with that Phione, because we're going to take it from you ! " Ritchie snarled._

* * *

(Now)

Ash furrowed his brows. " You wouldn't be able to do it. "

" And why is that ? "

" I have magical powers. "

Ritchie sweatdropped. " Really ? Could you tell me ? "

" Let's see...power of passing gas, power of pissing, and power of blowing up stuff using my cooking strategies ! "

The brown-haired boy shook his head as he shot a bullet into the air. " Pathetic, Ketchum. Simply pathetic. Maybe you should just piss your pants already. "

O.o " I already did...'cause you're..._SCAAAAAAARYYYYYY ! "_

-.- " And you're retarded, but that's not the point either one of us is trying to make..."

**" COFFEE CAKE ! "**

o.o " Then again..."

" Hey, uh...I'll make a bargain with you, " Ash said. " I keep Phione, and you get a giant bag of weed for your illegal uses. "

Ritchie's ears perked up. " Weed ? Where could you, of all people, get weed from ? "

" Well, let's see..."

**SHOVEL'D !**

_**" DRUGS ARE BAD, YOU WANNABE BASTARD ! "**_ Ash screeched as he kicked Ritchie where it hurts.

Ritchie scowled. " My only regret is...not being born...as you. "

(X.X)

O.o " Okay, then...let's go, Phione..."

" Okay ! "

Ash picked up the tiny blue creature and started to hike back up to the hill where everyone else was sleeping. The Phione clapped her fins. " Me call shout? Pleeeaaaase ? _Pleaaaaase ? "_

" Sure, whatever. "

_**" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ! "**_

" GOTDAMN IT..._THAT IS SOOOO KICK-ASS ! "_

The fourteen-year old immediately stripped himself of his shirt and pants and grinned like a lunatic. " Phione, your techniques of screaming are awesome ! Could I try ? "

" Ketchup, sure ! "

_**" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH ! "**_

_**" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "**_

_**" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH ! "**_

_**" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "**_

**MALLET x30 !**

_" DAMN IT, ASH, YOU NEVER LET ANYBODY SLEEP ! "_

Misty stood in front of Ash and Phione with a mallet in her hand and an angry expression on her face. " Why do you not have pants on...and what the heck is that thing ? " she asked, pointing to the blue-colored legendary.

Phione giggled. " Me Phione ! Fun want me ! Problem no ! Defeated Itchy by Ketchup ! "

" Ritchie ? He was here ? "

Ash nodded. " Yeah. He's working for that Darth Vadar copycat. "

" Any clues of who the villian is ? "

" Yes. "

" Really ? "

" Yeah, the villian is...a pile of bricks ! "

_MALLET !_

_" YOU IDIOT ! "_

Phione squealed in delight. " Orange-Hair and Ketchup love in are ! Delightful it is ! "

Misty started to blush. " T-That is not true, Phione ! "

" Is it _yeeeeeeeees ! "_

_" Noooooo,_ it's not ! "

_" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "_

Ash sweatdropped. " I need to get a skill so no lady will glomp me..."

T.T " What, you're thinking of me as a lady now ?! "

_**" THAT IS NOT TRUE, MISTY ! "**_

" Good, because you're a scrawny, messy-haired, bed-wetting, retarded pokemon trainer that can't even add numbers accurately half the time ! " Misty snapped.

" Well, you're a twiggy, orange-haired, violent, deranged, blue-eyed devil she-witch that always wants to hit me for no reason ! "

_" THAT IS _SO _NOT TRUE ! "_

" Oh, yeah ? What about that time when you hit me because I didn't change my underwear for a week ?! "

" You were smelling, Ash ! Your hygiene sucks ! "

" Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, me and my buddy Phione are going back to the tents, and I'm going to make sure you don't upset me by not talking to you ! "

As Ash stomped off to the opposite direction, Misty crossed her arms. " Ash...don't act like a kid ! You're flippin' fourteen, not four ! " she exclaimed. " Don't...don't...ignore me, " she said in a softer voice.

Misty rubbed her eyes, which were starting to form tears. " Please...don't ignore me. "

She sighed and shook her head. " Stupid, stupid Ash. "

The girl walked back up to the camp. Everyone else had woken up and were all gawking at Phione. Mortimer was holding the little legendary, Domino and Tracey were arguing about tofu and meat, Gary was tuning out on his iPod, Giovanni was ready to have a bursted blood vessel, Jasmine was cooking food over a flame, and Whitney was preaching from one of her religious pamphlets.

But what caught Misty's eye was a certain person whose arms were wrapped around Ash's neck. She had brunette hair, sapphire blue eyes, and had a green bandana on her head. Misty grabbed a stick from a nearby log and pointed it at the person. " What the hell are you doing with Ketchum, Maple ?! Answer now, or your head will be more bruised on the outside than in the inside !"

Ash glared at Misty. " Why don't you relax, Misty ? May's just here for a visit. "

" Oh, please. May can't even read a map correctly, let alone visit ! " Misty hissed.

May let go of her grasp on Ash. " Oh, Missy, it's okay ! I was just telling Ash that he and Broccoli Head were a lot alike ! "

Misty sweatdropped. " My name is Misty. Broccoli Head is Drew. And what the hell happened to your boyfriend, Brendan ? "

The brunette scratched her head. " Uhhhhhh...oh, yeah ! Brendan broke it off. He wanted to be single, since all the ladies love him. I didn't mind, though, 'cause I l_oooooove_ my Ashy ! "

She grabbed Ash again and hugged him. The boy blushed. " See, Mist ? I'm man-candy ! "

(...silence...)

_**" YOU F--KING BITCH ! NO ONE CALLS ASH THAT EXCEPT FOR ME ! "**_ Misty roared as she threw the stick away and grabbed the log.

May grinned. " What, you don't like me around _Aaaaashyyyy ?_ "

_**" OH, THAT'S IT ! I'M GONNA LOG YOU UPSIDE YOUR DITZY HEAD ! "**_

Before Misty could take an accurate swing at May's head, Jasmine, Whitney, and Domino grabbed her overall straps. " No, Misty ! It's too risky ! " Domino cried. " She's stupid enough to burn your house down ! "

" Uh, what's a house again ? " May inquired.

" Ya see what I mean, Misty ? "

" Yeah, and it's ungodly to hit someone unconscious ! " Whitney added. " Unless...she's a whore that was paid by Ketchup ! Somebody ! Hit him ! "

" We're not going to hit him, Whitney, " Jasmine quietly said. " Although Misty might want to. "

Misty dropped the log with a thud. " No. He can be man-candy if he wants. I'm going to chug some rocks at the pond. "

She stormed out of the area. Phione looked at Mortimer with confusion. " Misty mad why ? "

Mortimer scratched his head. " Misty's mad 'cause Ash is man-candy. "

" What's that ? "

Gary snickered. " It means that Misty thinks that she owns Ash as a piece of chocolate, just like Mr. Ketchum seems to be owned by Ash's mommy anymore. "

_" Ohhhhhhh. "_

Tracey shook his head. " Should we comfort Misty ? "

" No, she'll kill us. Just let the girls handle her. She'll cool down. "

Unfortunately, that was not the case. Two hours later the one group was now split up into two smaller groups. In the first group was Ash, May, Gary, Tracey, Mortimer, and Phione. All of them were enjoying their time together, especially Ash, who, although didn't know that May was flirting with him, was enjoying the bag of chocolate she had given him.

The other group wasn't so happy, however. Jasmine, Whitney, and Domino were all trying to comfort a fuming Misty, who was punching trees as her rage level tried to go down.

And as far as Giovanni was concerned, sadly he was with the fuming group.

" Hey, if we're not going to even try to make any progress to make sure that the glasses-wearing kid is not gunned down, then why are we even here ?! " Giovanni demanded.

Domino rolled her eyes. " It's very simple, Boss. Misty believes that she just got dumped. "

" Oh. Well...how is this _my_ problem ? "

" Welfare money. "

T.T " I'm staying out of this, Domino. "

" Okay. "

Domino turned to Misty. " So, what are you going to do about Ditz Head ? Shove her in the toilet ? Give her exposing bikini pictures to her...boyfriend ? Throw her poisoned candy ? "

Misty shook her head. " Nope. I'm going to use my brain for once instead of my mallet...or my pile of bricks. I will use the power of words to get her away from Ash. Literally. "

" Ooh ! So, you're going to call her a pasty-faced, brunette-haired bitch ? "

Jasmine sweatdropped. " I think Misty means that she's just going to have a talk with May. "

" Awwwwwwwww...weak. "

Whitney huffed. " Are you sure you don't want to show her to religion ? "

T.T " Whitney, I'm not converting her into anything. You want her to be a Baptist, you convert her. "

V.V " Someday I will. "

O.o " Yeah...I'm going to talk to her in a bit. "

* * *

Later that night Misty walked over to the other side of the camp. May was huddled near a hole, sobbing. The orange-haired girl sweatdropped. " May ? Uh, what's wrong ? "

May turned around and blushed. " Oh, Petunia ! I didn't see you coming ! "

o.o " Um, it's Misty..."

" Oh. Sorry. Memory's a bit weak. "

" I see that...but, anyway. What's with you hanging on Ash like a piece of candy ? Don't tell me that you like him that way. "

The two girls exchanged glances for a few seconds before May shook her head. " No...I don't like Ash. I like Broccoli Head. Ash isn't appealing. He's like a walnut. "

Misty scratched her head. " Then...why the hell are you clinging on to him like Dawn clings to her Tamagotchi ? "

May sniffled. " M-Mommy. She made me do it. She wants me to be with Ash for some reason. "

i.i " You're kidding. "

" Nope. And ever since Dad died, she's been pretty violent. Going to late night meetings, hanging out with that fat dude, and puking so she's thin enough._** I-I-I DON'T WANNA DO THIS, THOUGH ! I WANNA GO ON ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET TOOUUUUUUUU**_-mmph ! "

" Okay, then, May. Calm down. Look, we're trying to find and reunite with Max. If you come over to our side, I promise, as long as you don't treat Ash like man-candy, I will give you all my coupons to Old Country Buffet. "

" Really ? Ohhhhhh, _THANK YOU, FOGGY ! "_

T.T " Misty. "

The two girls hugged for a while before pushing each other away and leaving to sleep.

* * *

(Next day...)

" Uh...Misty...I'm sorry I called you names, " Ash muttered. " It's just that...Mortimer gave me chocolate..."

Misty sighed. " Fine. Whatever. "

" And I don't like May that way. She's a ditzy slut. "

" I know. Still, she's a good friend...when she wants to be. "

" Yeah..."

Suddenly May popped out of nowhere and grinned. " Hi, Misty ! Hi, Ash ! Who wants to eat some greasy food ! "

" Uh, that's unhealthy..." Misty trailed off.

" Greasy ?! Oh, boy ! Greasy is _awesome_ ! " Ash exclaimed. " Let's get some greasy food ! "

May clapped her hands. " Awww, thank you, Ketchup ! "

/.\ " No problem, Maple. "

As Ash and May went off to the local Arby's, Misty sweatdropped. " You know, those two could be related if they wanted to..."

**-POP!-**

" So...you do like Ashy ?! "

Misty gasped. " Mortimer ?! What the hell ?! "

Phione grinned. " Likes Ashy, likes Ashy ! "

" Yeah, likes Ashy ! " Mortimer taunted.

_" I DO NOT LIKE ASHY ! "_

Everyone who was in hearing distance looked at Misty with wide eyes. Giovanni groaned. " Oh, well. Better you than that stupid girl, " he muttered.

_**" I DO NOT LIKE ASH ! "**_

" Well, you're not proving it by screaming out that you don't like him, " Gary said, snickering.

" And I remember the day you could've been with that one gym leader in the Orange Archipelago, " Tracey mused, " but you picked Ash, 'cause you have a pining lust for him. "

Domino gasped. " She did ?! Oh, my gosh ! Ash must be retarded not to notice ! "

Gary's lips turned into a sinister grin." Just like Mr. Ketchum is oblivious to the fact that Miss Ketchum does in fact have a thing for hi- "

Giovanni glared at the spiky auburn-haired boy. " Drop the subject. "

" No way, Mr. K. We all know by now that you want Ashy's mommy and you to be an item ! "

_**" DROP THE GOTDAMN SUBJECT ! "**_

" Whatev. "

Misty sighed out of relief. " Thanks, Mr. Ketchum. "

" No problem. Have to defend what little dignity I ha- "

**_FRYING PAN'D !_**

" Found a flask in your sleeping bag, Mr. Ketchum, " Whitney said, wagging her finger. " That's ungodly. "

x.o " Ow. "

Jasmine rubbed her forehead. " Well, at least Ash isn't here to see this. "

Domino nodded. " Yep. Ash and his retarded little friend that's also a slut are stuffing their faces and shortening their lifespan. "

In an instant Ash and May reappeared, holding bags and bags of Arby's food. Everyone facefaulted. Mortimer blinked out of confusion. " Why does everyone do that whenever Ash makes a stupid choice ? "

" Is stupid person a Ash, " Phione replied. " Is so May. "

" Right, right. Never mind. "

As Ash and May starting stuffing their faces with burgers, curly fries, and caffeine-free water, Misty grinned. " That's my Ashy. Retarded with a giant stain in his underwear. Now...are we going to continue to make sure that Max doesn't get killed off ? "

Ash nodded. _" AAAAHHHH ! (YEAAAAH !) "_

_SLAP ON THE BACK !_

_" THEN GOOD FOR US ! "_ Misty exclaimed. " We'll take the bad guys down and then serve us some cake ! "

**" RIGH ! (RIGHT !) "**

Pikachu blinked with a blank stare and turned to Persian, who was released from his pokeball for the first time in a week. " Pi-pika-pi-pi, pikachu-pika-pi-pikaaaa. (Misty may be scary when she's angry, but she can sometimes be even scarier when she's nice. ) "

Persian slowly nodded. " Mroooow. (That's the truth.) "

And so everyone ate and talked in jovial merriment before continuing their search of Max.

* * *

Meanwhile, in an abandoned tunnel, the Culinary Cherry, otherwise known as Caroline, scowled with disappointment. Surrounded by Mondo, Lucas, Butch, and a few other followers, the woman sat in a chair that was expensive. In one of her hands was her cellphone. In the other was a remote control...

...that was hooked up to a bunch of wires...

...that was hooked up to a thing (or a person)...

...that was dangling from a bucket of water.

Caroline furrowed her eyebrows. " May hasn't contacted me. What a stupid, stupid girl. I knew we should've kidnapped that stupid Ketchum boy instead. It would've been so much easier. "

Chuck nodded. " Yes, but there are too many smart people with him. "

" I know that, Chucky, darling, " Caroline purred, " but what angers me is that I sent that stupid Ritchie boy to capture Phione, and he gets killed off by a damn shovel ! Now they probably have that moronic Manaphy baby ! "

" Yes, but we will capture Shaymin, " Lucas said. " If your son and his little friends are looking for that hedgehog, it'll be a piece of cake. "

" Of course, Lucas. Max may be smart, but I am smarter. After all, I did allow that computer to be installed into him. He will not interfere with my plans to force my beautiful daughter to marry that stupid boy. "

" Yes, of course. "

Caroline allowed herself a smile of smugness. " I wonder what my hostage thinks. She's been screaming for a few hours, but I've been ignoring her. "

_" DAMN IT, MAPLE, GET ME DOWN ! I'M NOT GOING TO ALLOW IT ! "_

" Allow what ? " the villainess inquired. " Allow your son to be away from you and that weirdo ex-husband of yours ? "

Delia glared daggers at Caroline. " You know that isn't true. "

" Well, whatever. Hey, do you know ? You're a hothead, Delia. "

" Oh, really ? Well, you know what ? "

" Huh ? "

" _**YOU'RE A OBSESSIVE, CONTROLLING BITCH ! "**_

Caroline silently fumed. " So mean. I should just try to kill you now. "

" You do that, you'll never forget it. "

" Meh. I'm gonna leave now. Mondo, watch her, would you ? "

Mondo nodded. " Yes, Culinary Cherry. "

The obsessive mother left with her goons, laughing wickedly. Delia grunted as she tugged the rope violently. " This has got to be the _fourth_ time I've been kidnapped, " she muttered angrily to herself. " I need a plan this time, though, or I'm going to be smoked herring..."

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Everyone...SHUT UP ! " Rai snapped. " I know it's been a few hours, and we still haven't found that beauty-obsessed hedgehog, but this is no time to be playing the game of Life ! "_

_Mewtwo groaned. " But it's fuuuuun ! " he whined._

_T.T " And you're not helping any matters, Mewtwo. Do you know that we're inside the middle of a cave, surrounded by wild Zubat and Golbat, and are ten feet away from a waterfall ?! "_

_V.V " I'm perfectly aware of that, Rai. But we're safe. "_

_" AI'S DROWNING IN THE CURRENT ! "_

_" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! NOT AI ! SHE WAS INNOCENT ! HOW COULD SHE DIE TWICE IN ONE LIFETIME ! "_

_Ai sweatdropped. " I think Miss Rai is making a point, Mewtwo-kun. "_

_Mewtwo paled. " Yeah. That must be it. "_

_Max scratched his head. " Well, we better get to business, then. "_

_Molly nodded. " Yeah. "_

_Conway also nodded as he let go of Roxanne's hair. " Yeah. There's no time to shake it up with my girlfriend, either ! "_

_Roxanne glared at the nerd. Conway sweatdropped. " Or...anything else..."_

_Rai groaned. " Come on, guys. "  
_


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 : Poetry of a Lugia

_-.- It's been a month since I updated. I was slow._

_:D But even so, it's still humorous. (At least, I think so...)_

* * *

" _You lose all your money thanks to the stupid retard, otherwise known as Bush. Your girlfriend dumped you, and you do suicide by getting run over by an angry redneck tow truck driver that hates Asians. Go back to Start and f--k yourself, 'cause you're a suicidal bitch_. "

Mewtwo sweatdropped. " Somehow that kinda sounds like Celebi when he's bored. Still...why do I get the suicide cards all the time ?! "

Roxanne shrugged. " You're suicidal. "

" So is Conway ! " Mewtwo retorted.

Conway shuffled in his spot. Roxanne snorted. " Well, I wonder, Marvin, why do you always blame Conway for your problems ? "

" Well, I don't like him. He's a giant nerd. "

" Good point, but you're emo. "

_" DON'T BRING MY RELIGION INTO THIS, ROXANNE ! "_

" Hehehe...you're stupid. Everyone knows that emo isn't a religion - it's a lifestyle. "

" It's true, " Molly muttered.

" Hmph. If I had more anger I'd probably try to throw you over the rocks ! "

Roxanne rolled her eyes. " I'd like to see you try, _Maaarviiiin_ ! "

" Okay, you're on, bit- "

**PURSUIT !**

" Everyone..._**SHUT UP**_ ! " Rai snapped. " I know it's been a few hours, and we still haven't found that beauty-obsessed hedgehog, but this is no time to be playing the game of Life ! "

Mewtwo groaned. " But it's f_uuuuun_ ! " he whined.

T.T " And _you're_ not helping any matters, Mewtwo. Do you know that we're inside the middle of a cave, surrounded by wild Zubat and Golbat, and are ten feet away from a waterfall ?! "

V.V " I'm perfectly aware of that, Rai. But we're safe. "

_" AI'S DROWNING IN THE CURRENT ! "_

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! NOT AI ! SHE WAS INNOCENT ! HOW COULD SHE DIE TWICE IN ONE LIFETIME ! "**_

Ai sweatdropped. " I think Miss Rai is making a point, Mewtwo-kun. "

Mewtwo paled. " Yeah. That must be it. "

Max scratched his head. " Well, we better get to business, then. "

Molly nodded. " Yeah. "

Conway also nodded as he let go of Roxanne's hair. " Yeah. There's no time to shake it up with my girlfriend, either ! "

Roxanne glared at the nerd. Conway sweatdropped. " Or...anything else..."

Rai groaned. " Come on, guys. "

The group reluctantly placed away the board game of Life into Conway's backpack and started to advance forward into another area of the cave. It was dark. It was damp. Something smelly was lurking in the air, which caused Molly to moan loudly. " Ewwww. Something smells like Ash after he used the toilet for half an hour ! "

Max sniffed the air and coughed. " Good Giratina, she's right ! Okay, who cut the (cough) cheese ?! "

There was silence among the group for a few seconds before Mewtwo slowly raised his hand. " Sorry. I had Gouda for breakfast. "

Everyone quickly stepped away from the psychic pokemon. Rai slapped him in the back of the head. " You're such an idiot that's it's not even funny ! " she snapped. Damn it, couldn't you have at least waited until we were out of the cave ?! "

Mewtwo huffed. " Well, that could've been forever ! I only have one ass ! Gosh ! "

" Yeah, and you have three f--king senses - annoying, retarded, and psychic energy - that can't even help us out at all because they're useless ! "

" It's not _my_ fault I was created by the eyelash of a psychotic Mew and the money from a corrupted douchebag ! I have feelings too ! "

The psychic pokemon started to cry. Ai softly patted him on his head. " Don't get so upset, Mewtwo-kun. I'm sure you're okay, and you won't get killed off like you do in the game of Life. "

-sniffle- " Thanks, Ai. "

_" Prophecy tells of a group with no fleas,  
And one psychic pokemon that cut the cheese ! "_

Everyone except Rai blinked in unison. The Darkrai sighed. " That's Lugi, all right. She's always speaking in flippin' poetry. It really gets annoying, " she muttered.

" Well, where is she ? " Roxanne inquired.

Rai pointed a finger at a small piece of land where a giant white thing was propped down on, along with bags of junk food and gummy bears. She groaned. " Lugi's been hanging out with Latias lately, " she continued, " and Lati's a junk-food addict, so you could tell that it's not been a very good influence on our dear white thing at all. "

Conway's jaw dropped. " Wow. I didn't know that legendaries can get overweight. It's a variable that seems very interesting to study about, especially with pokemon ! I could get a Nobel Prize by exploiting fat pokemon to the greatest scientists of all ti- "

Roxanne quickly stepped on her boyfriend's foot and glared at him. " Our prime example of obesity would have to be between Mr. Crack Addict (Regigigas) and Psychedelic Head (Heatran). Scientists have already proved that, though, so you're out of luck, sadly. So much for Scientist of the Year. "

" Awwww. "

Max grinned. " He could still try, though ! "

-.- " Don't egg him on, Max. He has a giant ego. "

" Yes, Roxanne..."

Mewtwo crossed his arms. " Well, let's get this over with and find out where that hedgehog went. I have to get my copy of that Avenged Sevenfold CD back from that Mismagius. "

Molly nodded. " Emo Psychic's right. Let's go. "

The group slowly walked over to where Lugia was resting. The legendary dragon thing gave them a wary look and yawned. " Ah, what the hell do you guys want ? " she asked. " I want to get a n_aaaaaap_ in, so make your demands quick, or I'll use..._aeroblaaaaast_. "

Rai sighed. " Hey, Lugi. Yeah, we already know that you're in Webster's Dictionary as the definition of a fat and lazy ass, but we need to ask you something. "

Lugia looked up and stared at Rai rather excitedly. " Does it have to do with cake ? I've been having a major craving for cake for a couple of months now. "

" Damn, what has Lati been teaching you ?! No, it does not have to do with cake ! "

" Oh. Why bother, then ? No cake, no tubes of frosting, nothing. It's like you want me to be a freakin' twig or something ! "

Ai sweatdropped and looked at Max. " Max, do you think she's like this all the time ? "

Max shrugged. Mewtwo shook his head. " Kids, she wasn't always like this. She used to be like a normal legendary. Then Latias comes in, all heartbroken because that douche of a green lizard (Rayquaza) dumped her. Health Freak Lugi lets her into her cave, and the next thing you know she's eating five boxes of Captain Crunch per day. It's very sad. "

Conway gasped. " I didn't know legendaries eat Captain Crunch ! This could be a scientific breakthrough ! Forget pokemon obesity ! If I use this information, I could be named Scientist of the Decade ! People would build floats dedicated to me ! I would be praised like Professor Rowan ! Heck, I'd even get a chocolate bar named after me ! The Conway ! "

Lugia looked at Conway with an annoyed expression. " Who is this nerd ? "

Molly cleared her throat. " That's Conway. "

" Oh. Conway, you want a chocolate bar named after you ? "

" Yeah. "

" Ew ! Your chocolate bar probably wouldn't taste good ! It would probably be all generic and stale ! "

Conway huffed and crossed his arms. " _That's_ not true ! My candy bar would be the best candy bar in the four regions ! Everyone will be dying to even have a tiny taste of my marvelous chocolate ! "

Everyone else started to giggle. Lugia grinned. " Right. Your candy bar would probably kill everyone, too. "

_**" I AM A GENIUS ! I REFUSE TO BE RIDICULED ! "**_

" You also refuse to wear regular underwear, " Max muttered, fiddling with his glasses.

/.\ " That's because regular underwear scare me, and you know that..."

Lugia rolled her eyes. " So...I'm guessing your problems have nothing to do with food, then ? "

Rai groaned. " Right. "

" Awww, damn it, what are you guys here for, then ? I have no celery. Sorry. I relapsed on that diet a few months ago. "

" Uh, Shaymin was with you a few days ago, wasn't she ? "

" Yah. She gave me my weekly makeup tips. "

" Do you know where she is now ? "

Lugia put a wing to her lips and stood silent for a moment. " I...believe I know where she is. "

" Could you tell us ? "

" Yah. "

(...silence...)

Max sweatdropped. " Any time soon, Lugia ? "

" Oh, yeah..."

The white dragon legendary thingie took out a giant book and cleared her throat as she read a small passage.

_" The hedgehog of Sinnoh is somewhere in this cave,  
Where she makes her mark with an orange marmalade... pave.  
Vain as she may be, she will help,  
Along with Miss Engrish, the blue one. "_

Everyone sweatdropped. Mewtwo moaned. " Damn, that's one of the most botched up pieces of poetry I have ever heard. Thanks a lot, Lugi. "

**AEROBLAST !**

-huff- " Meanie. "

Max rubbed his temples. " So...are you sure Shaymin's still in this cave ? "

" Does a Magikarp have wings ? "

Conway stepped into the conversation. " I've seen one have wings before. It was dead, actually. And mutated. Very mutated. It had these very small wings. I believe Team Galactic had done an experiment on them. Yes, I believe they did. Very sickening, and yet fascinating at the same time. "

-.- " Conway, Lugia was being rhetoric. "

" Yes, Max, but I really did see a Magikarp with wings, so Lugia shouldn't use that statement. "

" Why not ? "

" Because it isn't rhetorical now that I've proved i- "

_EAR TUG !_

Roxanne shook her head. " Sorry. He's been reading that whacko Pluto's journal entries. Now he's been trying to defy every rhetoric statement that's been made. "

Lugia nodded. " Yep. Most genuine nerd I've met in my one millennia of existence. "

Rai shrugged. " Whatever. Okay, we're going to continue our search for that vain hedgehog you were talking about in your crappy poetry book. Have fun eating your Captain Crunch. "

" Don't worry. I will. "

The Darkrai rubbed her forehead and turned to the others. " Okay, everyone. Let's go. "

(Everyone) " Right ! "

-poof!-

Lugia looked around in her empty place and sighed sadly. " Damn, I have no friends, " she muttered to herself. " Oh, well. Time to get the Captain Crunch out..."

* * *

Conway clapped his hands together and grinned. " Well, I feel chipper and bright ! "

Everyone else glared at him. His grin became wider. " Are we ready and ecstatic to go forward on our journey to find Shaymin ? "

(Rai, Mewtwo, and Roxanne) " No, shut up. "

(Molly and Max) " You have issues. "

(Ai) " I don't think we're in the mood for conversation..."

Conway sighed. " Fine. I'll guess I'll go back to being a nerd. "

(Everyone) " Go ahead. "

/.\ " You all really _suck_. "

**STAB !**

(Rai) :D " Yes. Yes, we do. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview)_

_" Hedgehoooog ! " Mewtwo called. " Come out and show yourself, damn it ! "_

_Rai rolled her eyes. " When you need a small, vain hedgehog, you can never find one. "_

_" Just like I can never find my glasses late at night ! " Max cried._

_-.- " No one cares. "_

_" SHUT UP, CONWAY ! "_

_Conway sniffled. " No one likes me. "_

_" Exactly. "_

_" Max, you're evil. "_

_V.V " Words don't hurt me. "_

_" Awww, douche. "_


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 : Shaymin Finally Appears

_Pretty short, but...meh._

* * *

"_ Hedgehoooog_ ! " Mewtwo called. " Come out and show yourself, damn it ! "

Rai rolled her eyes. " When you need a small, vain hedgehog, you can never find one. "

" Just like I can never find my glasses late at night ! " Max cried.

-.- " No one cares. "

" SHUT UP, CONWAY ! "

Conway sniffled. " No one likes me. "

" Exactly. "

" Max, you're evil. "

V.V " Words don't hurt me. "

" Awww, douche. "

The group had continued their search for Shaymin. It had been a couple of hours since they left the fat white dragon thingie, otherwise known as Lugia, and so far they had been in several subcaves inside the Whirl Islands. Needless to say, they had not found the hedgehog legendary yet.

And all of them were still in a bad mood (except for Ai, who was the optimist...)

" I wonder if the hedgehog is kawaii, " Ai murmured. " We could play games after we save the world from Max's assailants. "

Rai snorted. " Shaymin's not exactly kid-friendly, kid. She may be pretty cute, and pretty smart, but I do remember that she gave that black-haired kid a hard time last year. "

" Who ? Ash ? " Max inquired.

" Yah. If you don't know her well, she's a mean, little bitch, " Rai replied, " and if you know her very well, then she's just plain annoying. Or maybe it's just me. I don't like half the legendaries, anyway. "

Ai scratched her head. " Oh. Does she like cookies ? "

Both Rai and Mewtwo started into a hysterical fit of giggles. The Darkrai shook her head. " Here is the best part about her, " she said, grinning. " If you mention any kind of cookie, cake, pie, or muffin to her, she explodes. "

" She rants for twenty minutes about how she's on a flippin' diet and " how dare we make fun of her weight ". It's pretty hysterical, especially when you pay no attention to her, " Mewtwo added. " Still, if she does explode, we could just screw everything and just drown Max in the nearest river. At least he'll die quicker. "

Max turned a crimson shade of red and crossed his arms. Roxanne patted the boy on the shoulder. " Sorry, Max. "

-sniffle- " Thanks, Roxanne. "

Now Conway got into a fit. " What about me, Roxanne ?! I wanna be comforted ! "

-.- " You're twenty years old, Conway. Act like it. "

/.\ " Fine. "

Molly patted Conway on the leg. " It's okay, Conway. Just remember in ten years how badly your candy might taste and kill us all. "

Conway gawked at Molly for a few seconds before sighing. " Let's just look for the hedgehog. "

(Everyone) " Yeah....."

The group continued to look for Shaymin. They looked in the water, near the pitholes, over the waterfalls, and under the small nature-made bridges. They looked in little caves and giant caves, and nearly got attacked by a large group of Zubat and Golbat.

After another hour there was still no sign of the legendary hedgehog. Rai plopped down on the ground and sighed. " Mewtwo, we may just have to go with your option of drowning Max in the water. Or dump him in a crappy orphanage in Hoenn. Looking for that little rodent-thing is useless. "

Max sweatdropped. " Please don't do that. I have candy, and it's better-tasting than Conway's future candy. "

" I guess so.... "

Conway furrowed his eyebrows. " I am so sick of everyone saying that any candy I make will kill everybody ! Just because Lugia is a giant legendary doesn't mean that she's one hundred percent true ! "

Rai shrugged. " Yeah, but she's also part psychic. So at least seventy-five percent of what she says is true, Conway, and so that tells me to never eat any candy you make in my lifetime. "

" Do- "

" And yes, that includes giant gummy bears, too. "

" Awwww. "

Roxanne grinned. " Well, that's a relief. "

" -.- "

" Oh, don't take it to heart, Conway. "

_" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "_

Everybody jumped up out of cowardice. Mewtwo sweatdropped. " What the hell was that ? "

_**" NEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "**_

O.O " There it is again ! Holy crap ! _**IT MUST BE A ZOMBI-**_ "

**YANK !**

Rai slapped Mewtwo a couple of times before shoving him away from her. " Get ahold of yourself ! Zombies don't exist ! " she snapped.

The purple pokemon shook his head. " You don't know that, Rai. That's probably what the zombies want you to think ! You're unsuspecting, and just when you're not suspicious of anything, BOOM ! Your brains are all gone, 'cause they ate them without mercy ! "

T.T " How many horror movies did you watch last Halloween ? "

V.V " Twenty-seven, but that's not the point. The zombies are coming for all of us ! "

**VINE WHIP !**

" Who are you calling a flippin' zombie ?! "

_**" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH ! "**_

Mewtwo quickly fell to the ground and saw a small hedgehog-like thing, who was glaring daggers at him. The purple pokemon sweatdropped. " Oh....hi, Shaymin. "

" Hi. "

_SCRATCH !_

o.x " Ow. "

* * *

Max sweatdropped. " So...this is Shaymin. "

Rai nodded. " Yep. "

The Shaymin held up a paw and waved it. " Eh, that was my mom's name. Call me Sherry. "

" Okay, then...Sherry. "

Sherry grinned as she sat on a lawnchair. The group was finally out of the cave, and were now at an abandoned Pokemon Center in Olivine City. The hedgehog gave a slight yawn. " All right. So...what are you bothering me for ? I would guess it's for beauty tips, because the only pretty one out of all of you is the blue-haired one. "

Ai started blushing. Sherry sweatdropped. " And I guess the most modest one, too..."

Molly huffed. " What about me ? "

-.- " I wouldn't quit your day-job, Goldilocks. You may have a crush on Max, but you're also only eight. "

" How do you know that ? "

" Part-psychic. "

" DX ! "

Rai groaned and turned to Max. " See what I mean by annoying ? " she whispered in his ear.

" Yeah. A very annoying witch. "

" You're right. Still, I think she'd be better off eating a cookie once a wee- "

_VINE WHIP !_

Sherry huffed. " Rai-chan, don't make up slander about me ! It isn't nice ! "

T.T " Who says I'm making slander ? It's the truth ! "

" Stupid fugly black-furred dark princess ! "

-angry gasp!- " I'm going to send you flying into a pinball machine, hedgehog ! "

" Just try. I'd like to see Marvin cry his eyes out ! "

Mewtwo winced. " Everybody just has to remember my name...."

_**" I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM ! HE CAN DEFEND HIMSELF ! "**_

-sob- " Thanks, Rai, for caring. "

Rai glared at the hedgehog and would've aimed a perfect shadow ball at her, but Max stopped them. " Hey, this is no time for fighting ! We really do need you for something, Sherry. "

Sherry growled for a few seconds before grimacing. " Fine, then. State your business before I give Rai a mascara massacre ! "

" Uh, okay. It all started a little while back, " Max began. " It began when I was born, and my mom called me the spawn of an evil little goblin that chopped up people and placed them in body bags. "

o.o " No, I mean just state your business, not your whole life story. "

" Oh. Well...basically my mom is trying to capture you and Phione so she can kill you...or something like that. "

" Really ? "

Everyone nodded. Sherry groaned. " It's like nobody likes me or something like that. Why am I the one that is always trying to get killed off by other things ?! "

(Rai) " Because you are a very annoying hedgehog and nobody likes you. "

_" WAAAAAAAAAAH ! YOU MEANIE ! "_

-.- " You sobber. I don't care if you sob...I just stabbed you. "

Sherry glared at Rai for a few seconds before turning to Max. " Okay, Glasses Kid. I'll help you with your problems, but that's only because I want to annoy my dear friend Rai some more. "

-.- " I hate you. " _

* * *

(Meanwhile....)

_" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "_

_" NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! "_

" Fun is this ! "

" Damn straight, Phione. "

Ash and Phione, along with Mortimer, May, Tracey, and surprisingly Gary, were dancing around a small fire with various flowers and beetles in their hair (and fur).

Meanwhile, a few feet away, Misty was quietly steaming at the brunette twelve-year old with envy. Domino poked her. " Uh, Misty ? I know you really don't like May hangin' around with Ash, but do you have to give her the death glare all day ? "

T.T " It's my job...."

" Yeah, but you're taking this too far, " Whitney said. " It's not right. Sometimes a girl just has to deal with feeling like Charlie Brown, you know. "

_**" NO F--KING WAY ! "**_

" Geez, you don't have to cuss me out. I can live with the shame. "

Jasmine patted Whitney on the back. " Whitney, I believe you need to learn self-control. "

" Okay. "

Misty shook her head. " Well, it's not the same for me. May better keep her hands away from Ash, or I'll hurt her. "

(Domino) :D " That's the spirit, Mist ! "

" Thanks, I guess..."

Across from the girls, Giovanni was sitting by himself with Pikachu. He just sat there, looking at the yellow mouse-thing with utter confusion. " Do you know my son is an idiot ? "

" Pi. (Yes.) "

" Do you know he wets the bed still ? "

" Pi. "

" Do you know that he likes the orange-haired one, but is too stupid to figure it out ? "

" Pi. "

" So...why do you stay with him when there has got to be smarter people than him ? "

" Pi-kaaaa. (The loooove.) "

(...silence....)

-.- " You have a lot of patience, little rat. "

_**THUNDERSHOCK !**_

" Pi. Pika-pi. (Yes. Yes, I do.) "

Giovanni rubbed his forehead. " I wonder what his mother is doing, " he muttered. " Maybe making cookies. Or washing out Ash's underwear. I don't know. "

* * *

Delia sighed. " I swear, if I get out of here alive, I'm going to chase Caroline until she falls over into a bush. "

She wiggled her toe for a few seconds and furrowed her eyebrows. " Geez. I believe that this all goes back eighteen years ago... "

End _

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_" Delia, I know your true secret ! "_

_Delia sweatdropped. " Quit bluffing, Caroline. "_

_" I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A SLUT ! "_

_(...blink....)_

_" What ?! "_

_" Yep. You probably have a bunch of STD- "_

_PUNCH !_

_" SHUT UP ! "_

_Caroline smirked. " You know it's true, Delia. "_

_" NO, IT'S NOT ! YOU'RE THE SLUT ! "_

_-gasp- " You...effin'....bitch ! "  
__________________________________________________________________


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 : Escape and Randomness Chapter

_Yay ! New chapter ! I feel really proud with this one, so...read. Please. I have Kaida-chan's cookies. XD_

* * *

(Flashback - eighteen years ago....)

In a matter of three to six months, Delia managed to lose her parents, go through a rebellious state, get a job at a pancake restaurant, and still have the sanity to go to school and scrap up good grades.

However, she still couldn't make a decent pokeblock.

_**" NOOOOOOO ! IT'S BURNING AGAIN ! "**_

Delia threw the plate of burnt pokeblock into the trash can and extinguished the smoke with squirting a bottle of mustard into the can. She sighed. " This is hard. I can't believe that foreign exchange student from Hoenn is so good at making it. "

She gave a blank stare at her monstrous creation and scratched her head. " Maybe that's because she's from Hoenn and so are pokeblocks...."

The fifteen-year old girl shrugged and just as she was about to exit the kitchen, the foreign exchange girl walked over to her. " Hi. What happened to your block ? "

" It shriveled and died, " Delia hastily replied.

" Oh, gee, what a bummer. My name's Caroline. "

" Uh, nice to meet you, Caroline. I'm Delia. "

Over the next few weeks Delia and Caroline seemed to be good, jolly friends, even though Caroline was going to be at Delia's school for just one year before moving back to Hoenn. Even so, Delia, though naive, ditzy, and a wild country girl, sensed something about Caroline that wasn't so jovial.

Delia's senses started acting up after Caroline nearly discovered that she was eyeing a guy six years older than her. She covered up her secret well, but one day Caroline walked up to her, with an evil smirk on her face. " Hey, Delia. "

" Oh, hi, Caroline. What's up ? "

" Nothin'. How about you ? "

" Oh, I'm swell like a Swellow. "

Caroline chuckled and swatted away a brown strand of hair away from her face. Delia grinned. " Well, I'm going to go no- "

" I know your secret. "

" Wha ? No, you don't ! "

" _Yeaaaah,_ I do. "

" No, you don't. "

" Delia, I know your true secret ! "

Delia sweatdropped. " Quit bluffing, Caroline. "

_**" I KNOW THAT YOU'RE A SLUT ! "**_

(...blink....)

_" What ?! "_

" Yep. You probably have a bunch of STD- "

**PUNCH !**

_" SHUT UP ! "_

Caroline smirked. " You know it's true, Delia. "

_**" NO, IT'S NOT ! YOU'RE THE SLUT ! "**_

-gasp- " You...effin'....bitch ! "

The Hoennese girl tackled Delia to the floor and the two girls started to violently fight. It was a sight to see, and in the end they managed to get a large group of teenagers and college students watching them brawl on the sidewalk.

Finally, Delia decided to abruptly stop the fight and stood up with blood on her chin. " Caroline...you're not very nice. "

_**" AND YOU'RE A BITCH ! "**_ Caroline roared. " I will never forget this ! "

" Okay. "

* * *

(Present)

Delia groaned. " She was right. She never forgot that day. It's as clear on her mind as a chicken skin is on a chicken. "

She looked at her surroundings. Nobody besides her was in that room, and there were no cameras, no barbed wire, and no security items whatsoever. The woman sweatdropped. " Wow. She really is stupid. Oh, well. Time to escape. "

With a slight cut of the rope, Delia fell onto the floor with a muffled thud and a swish of her auburn-haired ponytail. She sighed. " I wonder if Ash has been changing his underwear, " she muttered to herself.

* * *

(Meanwhile....)

" Ash, when was the last time you changed your underwear ? "

Giovanni looked at Ash with furrowed eyebrows. The boy shrugged. " The last time ? Oh, that's easy. It's been a couple of weeks. "

All of the teenagers, Mortimer, and Phione backed away from Ash. Giovanni sweatdropped. " What the _hell_ do you mean, a couple of weeks ?! I am responsible for your hygiene while you're with me, and you know that, Red ! " he hissed.

" So ? You're not Mom. I don't have to listen to you. You have no say, because you are a douchebag. "

_**" I AM NOT A DOUCHEBAG ! "**_

Ash snickered. " Then...why are you yelling ? "

Giovanni let out a small groan. " Let's change the subject. What the hell are we supposed to do now that we have the blue thing ? " he asked, pointing to Phione.

May put a finger to her chin. " Well, I'm not very tasty, so you can't eat me. And...I can't battle well. I have to admit that. "

Domino sweatdropped. " May, honey, he was talking about Phione. "

" _Ohhhhhh._ Sorry. "

Misty rolled her eyes. " Even if Mr. Ketchum was talking about ' the blue one ' , I suggest that we give May a brain implant. "

" Ooh ! That would be fun ! "

-.- " See ? "

Phione giggled. " Funny Misty. "

(Mortimer) " Yeah. _Fuuuunny Miiiiisty. "_

_MALLET !_

_**" I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE A DEOXYS ! DON'T MOCK ME ! "**_ Misty snapped, bonking Mortimer's head with her mallet.

" Sorry, " Mortimer muttered, rubbing his head.

Whitney tutted. " Misty, you really shouldn't be so violent. It's not religious. "

Jasmine sighed. " Whitney, I don't think Misty appreciates you rubbing her face with your Baptist ideals. "

" Meh. "

Gary turned to Tracey. " Hey, Tracey, I bet that Mr. K cracks within another week. "

Tracey nodded. " That's a very good observation, Gary. "

" No, I really mean that he's going to crack within a week. "

" Oh. Well, how can you tell ? "

Gary crossed his arms. " My poor friend, it's all part of a genetic syndrome of the Ketchum family. Haven't you seen it in Ash ? "

" No, I don't think so. "

The spiky-haired boy rolled his eyes. " Of course not. You haven't been around him long enough to notice. I've known him for the longest. So, allow me to explain the syndrome. "

Domino, who was listening with full intent to the conversation, widened her violet eyes somewhat. " Ooh. This is going to be interesting, isn't it, Tracey ? "

Tracey sweatdropped. " Uh, Gary ? We won't hear why Ash always pees in his pants, are we ? "

-.- " That's a subject I'm going to tell on Halloween...."

There was silence between the three before Gary continued. " Anyway, each Ketchum male has slight issues, whether it is bed-wetting, or anger issues, or destroying the kitchen by his own cooking. Now, how does a Ketchum crack, you ask ? Well, they shout for a few minutes, they are deprived of their relationship, and in the end they die as a douchebag. "

" So...Giovanni's already going insane in the membrane ? " Domino asked.

Gary nodded. " In a reference to a 1990's song, yes. Like I said though, it will take him a week to crack, unless Ash stops annoying him, or unless he is not deprived of his 'relationship' of Miss K. "

Domino nodded and grinned. " Very interesting. So...when is it going to happen to Ash ? "

The three looked at Ash, who was throwing some kind of dirt at Giovanni and getting him mad. Gary sighed and rubbed his nose. " Eh. I'd give it two months. "

* * *

(In another spot....)

_**" DAH ! LITTLE BLUE-HAIRED ONE ! SAVE ME ! "**_

Ai looked at Sherry, who was shaking mildy. She sweatdropped. " Uh, what's wrong, Miss Sherry ? "

The Shaymin took a quick glance at the other direction. " That emo thing Rai wants to eat me ! " she hissed. " Apparently I offended her by saying that she would never taste good as a salad ! "

_" DAMN STRAIGHT ! "_ Rai roared, throwing a metal trash can at the hedgehog.

" Eep ! See what I mean ?! "

Ai shook her head. " I don't like getting in people's problems. Sorry, but you're on your own. "

Rai cackled. " See ? You're on your own ! "

Mewtwo grinned. " I like to see the results. "

Sherry glared at the taller legendaries. " I have always disliked you two ! " she snapped in her squeakish voice. " You two are always picking on me for everything ! About my looks, about my weight, about everything ! Well, you two emos aren't going to get the last laugh this time ! I'm gettin' myself some temporary protection ! "

Conway sweatdropped. " How's that ? "

" Just watch, Nerdo. "

-olde pokeball'd!-

(Max) " Huh ? "

(Molly) " O.m.g. "

(Roxanne) " o.o "

(Conway) " T.T "

(Rai and Mewtwo) " You're kiddin'. "

(Ai) " How did I get a pokeba- Oh...wait... I remember now. Daddy gave me a pokeball two days before the accident happened. I was going to use it on Mewtwo-kun, but then I decided that capturing a pokemon with this wasn't worth it...so...I guess it's now used for somethin' else...."

-poofeh!-

Sherry went back out of the pokeball and grinned nastily at Rai and Mewtwo. " Told you two I now have temporary protection. Now I can freely go inside the pokeball whenever I want ! "

She stuck her tongue out at the legendaries. Both turned a beet red. Ai's sweatdrop grew even larger. " I'm an incompetent trainer, though ! " she protested. " No, wait. I'm not even a trainer ! I'm only eight ! I'm not supposed to have a pokemon yet, especially a legendary hedgehog with a squeaky voice, anger traits, and who is kawaii ! "

V.V " You forgot to mention that I, like everyone else, think that Nerdo's candy would kill us all. "

Conway groaned. " Nobody's ever going to let me live that down. "

(Everyone else) " Nope. "

Sherry shrugged. " Besides, Ai, sweetie, you're not going to be my trainer. Don't worry about that. I'm just using the pokeball for refuge against the emos, " she said, glaring at Rai and Mewtwo.

Ai nodded. " I guess so...okay. You can stay. "

_" YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY ! "_

Everyone else moaned. The Shaymin clapped her paws. " Well, my psychic powers tell me that somebody else has Phione with them. One of them hasn't changed his underwear for a couple of weeks....ew. "

Max's glasses fogged up slightly. " That's Ash. Wow. I can't believe he's helping us. He must really like me enough to consider me as his adopted brother ! "

" Nah, it's for the standard I-wanna-be-a-hero-and-not-go-to-Hell reasons. "

_" Awwwww. "_

" I remember him, " Sherry continued. " I sat on his head.... It was very uncomfortable. "

Rai rolled her eyes. " Yep. Ash Ketchum of the country town Pallet. We should go where he's headin'....where's he headin' ? "

" Uhhh....somewhere in Kanto...."

_**" LET'S GO TO KANTO, THEN ! "**_

Everyone else nodded and started on the path to Kanto.

* * *

(....Meanwhile again....)

_**" WHERE THE HELL DID MY PRISONER GO ?! "**_

Caroline kicked the nearest trash can and glared at Mondo, Lucas, and Chuck. Lucas shrugged. " She escaped. "

" How the hell did she escape ?! "

Mondo rubbed his nose. " We weren't watching her. Sorry. "

**SWAT WITH NEWSPAPER x3 !**

_" YOU IDIOTS ! "_ Caroline snapped._ " GET HER BACK ! "_

Chuck nodded. " Yes, sweetie. "

" Good. "

* * *

(Meanwhile again....-.-)

Delia grinned as she stepped outside of Caroline's headquarters. " Piece of pokeblock, " she said to herself. " Now, let's see...we're near Fortree City. Ooh, maybe I can see Winona. That'll be pretty neat. "

She slowly walked in the other direction of her captivity place and yawned. " It seems like such a slow day. Everybody's probably as bored as I am...."

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" I feel deja vu, " Ash said, scratching his head._

_Giovanni shook his head. " Nope, that's probably your bladder, Red. USE THE DAMN BATHROOM ! "_

_" Okaaaaay. "_

_-poof-to-bathroom!-_

_Misty groaned. " We're never going to get this thing done. It's times like these that we need Team Roc- "_

_" LISTEN, IS THAT A VOICE I HEAR ?! "_

_" IT SPEAKS TO ME LOUD AND CLEAR ! "_

_Domino gave Misty a glare. " Wow. Thanks, Misty. "_

_T.T " Damn it, I didn't think they would come...."_

_" Who are you talkin' about ? " Mortimer asked._

_Everyone except the legendaries sweatdropped. Gary groaned. " You don't wanna know. They're lame. "_

_" WE'RE NOT LAME ! "  
_


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 : Minor Appearances of the Incompetents....and More Randomness

_Finally ! A new chapter ! Once again, this is just another filler chapter, but I'll try to keep the plot moving in the next chapter. I think this is a weird chapter, personally....and that's why I like it. ^^_

_Anyway, it's been a month since I update, but next Saturday starts my Christmas break, so I'll probably update a tad more frequently. _

_Hope you enjoy ! _

* * *

_" SPLEEEEEEEEEEEEE ! FUN IS FLOATIIIIIING ! "_

_" YAAAAAAAAAAAAH ! "_

Phione and Mortimer were several feet away from the branches of a pine tree, floating like it was the most normal thing you could do. Screaming and giggling, the two legendaries seemed oblivious to the quarrels that seemed to fill the air thickly.

Domino gave everyone a death glare as she threw a toothpaste tube on the ground on purpose. " Somebody....took my tube and used of all of the toothpaste that was inside it, " she said, her voice filled with fury. " Who did it ? "

Gary scoffed. " You're probably just exaggerating. You probably used the last of the toothpaste yourself. "

_" IT WAS A FULL TUBE ! "_

" Oh. Well....it's not my problem. Hehehehe....."

Ash started to blush lightly. " I did it. I confess. "

Domino sweatdropped. " I'm scared. Why would _you_ need toothpaste when you're not the hygenic person ? "

" Well....I needed it for my action figure ! "

" What....action.....figure ? "

Ash took out a gooey green and blue-covered stick from his back pocket and held it cautiously, causing his hands to be sticky with the gooey coating. " This is Ed, " he replied happily. " I found a stick, and so I put a leaf on him, and now he's a happy action figure ! "

" So....what does that have to do with you using my flippin' toothpaste ? "

" Oh. Well, Ed had underwear, but he didn't have other clothes. And....I couldn't find any more leaves, so I had to improvise. If it makes you any better, I also used some of Tracey's mustard. "

Tracey's jovial mood fell faster than a Pidgey catching a Rattata. " You used my mustard ? "

" Yah. "

(-quiet blinking-)

" You _bastard_. "

Ash winced. " Ouch. I said I was sorry, Tracey....."

_" NO, YOU DIDN'T ! "_

" Oh. Well...sorry. "

Tracey crawled into a ball and choked out a sob. " My life is ruined, " he murmured. " He used one of my two sacred possessions, and it is now desecrated. "

" Dude...it's a bottle of mustard. "

_**" SHUT UP ! YOU DON'T KNOW ME ! "**_

o.o " You're completely right, Trace. "

Domino groaned. " We should just forget that I ever mentioned this subject. "

" I feel deja vu, " Ash said, scratching his head.

Giovanni shook his head. " Nope, that's probably your bladder, Red. _USE THE DAMN BATHROOM ! "_

_" Okaaaaay. "_

-poof-to-bathroom!-

Misty groaned. " We're never going to get this thing done. It's times like these that we need Team Roc- "

_**" LISTEN, IS THAT A VOICE I HEAR ?! "**_

_**" IT SPEAKS TO ME LOUD AND CLEAR ! "**_

Domino gave Misty a glare. " Wow. Thanks, Misty. "

T.T " Damn it, I didn't think they would come...."

" Who are you talkin' about ? " Mortimer asked, stopping his floating.

Everyone except the legendaries sweatdropped. Gary groaned. " You don't wanna know. They're lame. "

_" WE'RE NOT LAME ! "_

Jessie glared at the group and huffed. " We're awesome. Wolfy thinks so. "

James sweatdropped. " But Jessie, isn't Wolfy from the fourth wall ? "

" Yes, and that is why she's on our side. "

" I thought it was because we soived cookies, " Meowth muttered.

**FANNED !**

_**" YOU HAVE NO OPINION ON THIS ! "**_

(-angry glare-)

The group continued to sweatdrop. May grinned. " Hey, it's Jill and Jackie ! " she exclaimed, pointing to the two incompetents.

Jessie's face turned a cherry red. " You're kidding, right ? "

i.i " Noooo....I don't think I have any kids...."

".....Let's go, James. "

" But- "

_" NOW ! "_

(poofx3!)

May sweatdropped. " Who were those people again ? "

(-facefaults!-)

* * *

(Ten minutes later.....)

Giovanni cleared his throat and stared at Phione and Mortimer out of boredom. He turned to Ash and Jasmine, who were the only two that wasn't occupied with other things. " I'd like to go back to my original statements from yesterday, " the older man said.

" What, on how much your life sucks ? " Ash commented.

-.- " I mean the _other_ statement. What the hell are we supposed to do now that we have the blue one ? "

" You mean Phione ? "

" Yeah. "

" Well....I don't know. "

-sigh- " Of course not. You barely know how to read...."

" What the hell is that supposed to mean ?! "

" Nothing. It's a fact. "

" Yeah....._BUT WHAT KIND OF DAD MENTIONS THAT TO HIS KID ?! "_

" I dunno. A crappy one, I guess. I regret nothing, though. "

Ash grimaced. Jasmine took out a book from her purple-fringed purse. " I took some notes on what to do, Ash, " she said, flipping through the pages of the small book. " Let's see. We have Phione. I'm sure your little friend has found Shaymin. And now....we have to connect in order to destroy the evil people. "

" Uh...what does that mean ? " Ash inquired.

" Um......we have to find Max, " Jasmine replied sheepishly.

" Uh-huh. And then what ? "

" I....don't know....."

" Oh. Yah, okay, that's fine. "

Jasmine nodded. " So....we need to find out where Max is. "

Ash also nodded. " Great idea, Jasmine ! Dad, where is Max ? "

Giovanni sweatdropped. " How the hell am I supposed to know ?! "

" I dunno. You must have some kinda superpower. "

T.T " No, I don't. "

" Oh. "

**BRICK'D !**

_**" ASH, QUIT BOTHERING THE MAN ! "**_ Whitney barked. " He may be a douchebag, but it's ungodly to pester a person ! "

x.o " Thanks. I'll keep that in mind. "

* * *

(Meanwhile.....)

" Thanks for the hospitality, Winona. I really like your gingerbread. "

Winona nodded as she took a piece of gingerbread from the cooling cookie sheet. " Thanks, Delia, for liking my gingerbread, " she replied. " So....what brings you here to Fortree ? "

Delia winced. " Well.....I was kidnapped by this psychopathic lady that I knew in high school a few days ago. She placed me into these chains to dangle over a flippin' bucket of water with electrical wires in it. So, I deal with dangling for about five days with nothing to eat but expired oatmeal, until I decide to escape. Luckily for me, nobody was actually guarding, so....I got out of there, and I decided to visit you. But...if you want me to leave because you're too busy with your 'guy friend', I'll leave. "

The man next to Winona, an aqua-green-haired piece of man-candy with a wonderful style of fashion, sweatdropped. Winona shook her head. " No, it's okay. Wallace just came by for a cup of coffee. Right, Wallace ? "

Wallace nodded. " Yes. A sweet romance is sweetest in secrecy. "

Winona grinned. " See ? So...who's the psychopathic person that has a hate-fest going on for you ? "

T.T " Caroline Maple. "

o.o " Whoa. That is one lady I wouldn't want to get angry. How'd you piss her off ? "

" We had a brawl. It was pretty ugly. "

" Wow. Well, do you need any help with this whole hero thing ? "

-sigh- " Yeah. There are other things that I need help with besides avoiding a psychopath. "

Winona quickly jumped out of her seat and made a fist in the air. " Then, let's go ! "

Delia sweatdropped. " What about him, though ? " she inquired, pointing at Wallace.

" Uh......he shall stay here in my treehouse and guard the gingerbread ! "

" Okay, then....."

" All right ! Lessgo ! "

-poofx2!-

Wallace sweatdropped. " What about our date ?.... "

* * *

(....in another place.....)

Rai looked at the map with confusion. " Are we in Kanto yet ? "

Sherry snickered. " Hehehe, the stupid Darkrai doesn't know how to read a map. How pathetic. "

_**" SHUT UP, HEDGEHOG ! "**_

Molly groaned. " So, where are we ? "

Ai pointed to a sign. " We're in Pallet. "

Conway's jaw dropped. " Wow. A wonderful country scenery. "

Max sweatdropped. " Back in the hole. "

Mewtwo also sweatdropped. " You're right. This is a hole. "

" _Such_ a hole, " Roxanne murmured.

Rai glared at the complainers. " Quit complaining. We have to figure out where the other group is, or we're steamed toast. "

i.i " I wanna be well-done toast. "

(....silence....)

**SHADOW PUNCH !**

D8_** " SHUT UP, MEWTWO ! "**_

o.o " Yes, ma'am...."

Rai huffed. " Okay. Anybody have a cellphone ? "

(-several blinks-)

" A....pager ? "

(-more blinks-)

" Any kind of communications system at all ? "

Conway raised his hand. " I got a couple of paper airplanes in my pants pocket. "

T.T " ....Frick. Well, you're useless. How the hell are we supposed to find them ?! "

Mewtwo gave a stupid-looking grin. " Ooh ! I know ! I know ! "

" Yes ? "

" We send a messenger to teleport to where they're at ! "

" Okay....but how is that person supposed to teleport to their place when that's the exact thing that we're trying to find out ?! "

" Psychic energy. Duh. "

Rai contemplated this for a few seconds before nodding. " Okay. That seems like a good idea, " she said in a slightly sinister tone. " So, let's weigh the facts. Ai, Sherry, and Mewtwo are the ones with that much psychic energy. Ai is not very controlled with her powers, and would end up destroying an entire town on accident, and Sherry would destroy an entire town on purpose. So....we only have one messenger capable to do the job. "

She grinned wickedly at Mewtwo, and the purple pokemon sweatdropped. " Ohhh, no. I'm not very good for the job, " he quickly said. " Not at all. I have anger issues. I hate ninety percent of humanity in general. _I USE BODY WASH !_ _DON'T MAKE ME GO-OH-OHHHHH ! HAVE MERCY !_ "

" Oh, no. You volunteered, and so that makes you our messenger. "

" Yeah, so quit acting like a Skitty ! " Sherry cried. " Be a man ! "

-.- " I hate you all. "

Ai sweatdropped. " What about me, Mewtwo-kun ? I don't wanna be hated...."

-sniffle- " Except Ai. "

-poof!-

Rai sniffled mockingly. " There goes the greatest purple cloned pokemon with a giant tail and a warped sense of humor that we'll ever know, " she said, her eyes watering dramatically. " It pains me for my little boyfriend to go out into the unknown depths of Kanto. "

" Uh, where's Max ? " Molly asked.

(...silence....)

-sweatdrop- " And there goes the greatest nerdy four-foot little eight-year-old with glasses that we shall ever know. It pains me to see that my stupid boyfriend didn't even check around to see if there was anybody near him when he teleported. The bastard. "

Roxanne turned to Rai. " You think Max is okay ? "

-snort- " With Mewtwo ? Nope. Not at all. "

* * *

(Back with Group One....)

" Do you recommend any places that have quality mustard bottles ? "

-.- " No, Tracey, quit asking me that ! "

Tracey sniffled. " Sorry. I'm still depressed. "

Ash sighed. " I already told you thirty times that I'm sorry. "

" Twenty-nine. "

-.- " Twenty-nine times that I'm sorry. Can't we just be even ? "

_**" NO ! YOU DESECRATED THE MUSTARD ! "**_

" Good Giratina......."

Misty, who was reading a pamphlet about taijutsu, glanced at Ash and Tracey. " Come on, Trace. It's a bottle of mustard. I'm sure Domino will get you a bottle of it for your next birthday since you can't afford it. "

Domino nodded. " Yeah, Trace ! Lighten up ! "

-sniffle- " 'Kay. "

-rustle-rustle-

Whitney sweatdropped. " What was that ? "

-rustle-

" I don't know, " Gary said. " Maybe it's Mr. K taking a leak. "

T.T " I'm right here, Gary. "

-rustle-rustle-rustle-

" Dragon ? " Phione suggested.

" Pi ? (Lizard ?) "

" Nah, it's not a dragon or a lizard, " Mortimer replied. " It's probably a furry thing. "

_" BUSHISSUUUUUCKS ! "_

o.o " What was that ? " Jasmine asked in a whisper.

(Ash) o.o " I don't know, but I already proceeded to wet my pants..."

_" BUSHISUUUUUUUCKS ! VUGGINBUSHIIIIIIS ! "_

Ash jumped from his folding chair and screamed. _**" HOLY-EFFIN'-CHEESEBURGERS-WE'RE-GONNA-DIE-AND-THEN-I'LL-NEVER-BE-A-POKEMON-MASTER-AND-BEAT-GARY-AND-MISTY-AND-CHASE-DOMINO-FOR-BEATING-ME-IN-EVERY-SINGLE-GAME-OF-CARDS-AND-I-WON'T-EVER-BE-ABLE-TO-SEE-DAD-AND-MOM-HAVE-MORE-ICKY-SMEX-ON-THE-COUUUUUUUCH ! "**_

**SMACK !**

(Giovanni) DX _" YOU WON'T SEE ME AND YOUR MOTHER DO THAT EITHER WAY ! NOW SHUT UP ! "_

/.\ " We're going to die...."

-rustle-rustle-

Everyone shook in their shoes (or just shook) as something crawled out of the bushes. Two creatures, short and shorter. They were.....

End (-_with cliffy....kind of. MWAHAHAHAHA ! XD) _

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_-.- " You bastard. You made me piss my pants. "_

_T.T " And you scared me with that annoying voice of yours. "_

_Giovanni continued to gawk at the disguised Mewtwo. Ash glared at the purple pokemon. " Whatever. Someday I'll get a modeling job. "_

_" Hmph. As if. And I don't even know how Max came with me, but I think it's my damn fault. "_

_-gawking-_

_-.- " And I hate how your f--king dad is gawking at me as if I'm the newest type of cheese. "_

_Max drooled slightly. " I want cheese. "_

_-.- " Me and my big mouth..."_


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 : The Messengers

_77 reviews so far. I'm _so _happy, 'cause I never thought that'd be possible. Yet, Bush was re-elected in '04, so I guess _anything's_ possible. XD But, thanks for your support ! I cannot go far without viewers like you ! _

_(.....dead silence......)_

_-__- Back to the noty part, I don't think there's as much humor in this chapter, but at least I got to show off Max's smartitude. :P (Oh, and pokeshipping hints, but I've _been _doing that....hehehe....) So, enjoy your reading, grab some licorice from the mold-stricken popcorn counter, and....poke fun of Ash and Conway ! XD _

* * *

Everyone shook in their shoes (or just shook) as something crawled out of the bushes. Two creatures, short and shorter. They were.....

" Hi, guys ! You would _never_ guess that teleporting is a really scary thing ! Everything goes uberly-fast, and you feel like you want to make a # 1 in your pants ! "

Max slowly crawled out of the bush with leaves in his hair. Mewtwo followed, his blonde hair dirtied by dirt and thorns. " Yo, everybody, " the psychic pokemon said in a flat tone. " We just came back from....Pallet Town, and so we teleported here, to this place, so the others know where we're at...."

" Yeah, looks like the outskirts of Fuchsia City, if I'm not mistaken, " Max murmured, pushing his glasses up his face.

Everyone sweatdropped, except for Giovanni, who started to gawk at Mewtwo, and Ash, who groaned. " Ah, man. Another pair of soiled underwear. What's Mom going to think of me when I come home ? "

Mewtwo snickered. " That you are a wastoid, Ketchum. "

-.- " You bastard. You made me piss my pants. "

T.T " And you scared me with that annoying voice of yours. "

Giovanni continued to gawk at the disguised Mewtwo. Ash glared at the purple pokemon. " Whatever. Someday I'll get a modeling job. "

" Hmph. As if. And I don't even know how Max came with me, but I think it's my damn fault. "

-gawking-

-.- " And I _hate_ how your f--king dad is gawking at me as if I'm the newest type of cheese. "

Max drooled slightly. " I want cheese. "

-.- " Me and my big mouth...."

The imaginary bugs and bees escaped from Giovanni's throat as he finally spoke. " Y-You can _morph_ ?! " he inquired. " D-How the _hell_ is that possible ?! I should've known everything about you - psychic abilites, anger levels, height, weight, eye color - "

" Underwear size ? " Mewtwo interrupted, smirking. " Boxers or briefs ? Fluffy pink lingerie or no lingerie at all ? Yeah, sometimes I don't wear underwear. I'm a pokemon, for Mew's sake ! "

" That isn't what I meant ! " Giovanni snapped. " I'm not a freakin' pedophile ! "

i.i " Never said you were. But yeah, I can morph. Only reason you don't know is that I discovered that power one day while boozing with Mortimer over there. "

Mortimer turned up the volume on an iPod and started to scream lyrics from Styx's Mr. Roboto. Phione giggled. " Robot fun ! Robot fun ! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo (domo), domo (domo) ! "

Mewtwo sweatdropped. " So....that's Phione ? "

Several nods. Misty took the floating blue Engrish pokemon in her arms and hugged it. " Yep. She seems plushie, but she's one hundred percent real ! And she's a water pokemon ! "

T.T " Yeah, I already knew that, Waterflower. Gosh. "

DX " Don't treat me that way, Mewtwo ! I'll kick your ass ! "

o.o " Okay, I'll stop. "

Max looked from Misty and Phione to Whitney, Jasmine, Domino, and Tracey, and then at Ash, Gary, Mewtwo, Mortimer, and Giovanni.

And then his eyes met May's figure, and all trace of happy emotions immediately disappeared.

" Great. Miss Jolly Rancher's here, too, " he muttered under his breath. " Yippie. "

* * *

The large group had split up into four small groups after a hearty lunch of Burger King and sodas. In one group was May, Domino, and Whitney. In another group was Ash, Gary, and Tracey. The third group consisted of Mortimer, Mewtwo, and Phione.

Which left Max with the fourth group, who compromised of Misty, Jasmine, and Giovanni.

" I can't _believe_ May is part of your group, " Max murmured, sniffling. " How'd she become one of _you_ guys ? "

There was silence for a few seconds before Misty cleared her throat. " Well, May came for a visit, simply because of your psycho mommy's orders. And then, we convinced her not to work for the bitch, and sadly, she decided to stay with us. " The orange-haired teenager sighed. " Believe me, Max, you're not the only one that's annoyed by her....."

" 'Cause you're afraid she'll steal Ash from you ? "

" Yep. That's it. "

Max nodded. He fiddled with his glasses before also sighing. " I leave my friends and my brother, just to see her again. Why do you think I left home in the first place ? "

" Along with Psycho Mom and Nervous Breakdown Dad, " Misty added.

" Right. "

The blue-haired boy scratched his head as he turned to Jasmine. " You're quiet, " he stated. " A lot more quieter than my sister could ever be in a day. "

Jasmine blushed a light pink. " Uh, thank you, Max, " she said slowly. " I take that as a compliment. I really try not to snoop in other people's business....."

" Well, that's a good thing ! " Max exclaimed, accidentally hitting the back of Giovanni's head with his hand. " I'm sure a lot of people like you ! "

" I dunno, Max...."

" It's true ! " Misty blurted. " I like you way more than I do with May ! "

" T-Thank you...."

Max grinned. " So, now that you guys have found me, whaddya we do now, Jasmine ? "

Jasmine sweatdropped slightly as she twirled a strand of long brown hair around her finger. She picked up her purple-fringed purse from the ground and began rummaging it until she found her handy-dandy book. Skimming through it quickly, the girl stopped at a marked-up page suddenly and pointed at it.

" _After the chosen is founded (?) by the others, they all must work together to vanquish the evil one with the cherry-colored cape and resume tranquility in your souls,_ " Jasmine read, pointing to the phrase, 'vanquish the evil one'.

Misty leaned over Jasmine's shoulder and also read the same phrase. Despite having a strong urge to hit anybody that she saw acting evil with her mallet of DOOM, the orange-haired teenager seemed to be somewhat confused. " So....we have to defeat a psychotic woman who's obsessed with body wash and Contests, " she murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose. " Nothing different from what Ash has been doing for the past four years....and, of course, some of us have also have experience, seeing as we've also traveled with Ash. "

(Max) " Nope, nothing different at all. "

" .....Jasmine ? You sure you want to continue with this journey with us ? You can say you want out, you know. Nobody'll criticize you, since we all know that we all long normalcy all the time. "

" N-No, that's okay. Thanks anyway, Misty. "

Giovanni suddenly raised his hand high up in the air. " Ooh, I want out ! I've been meaning to do some paperwork for my deceased buildi- "

T.T " You try to ditch us for your 'beloved' team, Mr. Ketchum, and I will personally make your live a living Hell by exposing every single secret that you have, " Misty threatened in a low tone, " from accidents in the toilet, to Ash singing along to your CD of Madonna ! "

The other members of the group all gawked at Giovanni like he was the biggest surprise since Ash received a new hat two years previous. The oldest man chuckled nervously and ran his hand through his hair. " I find her voice appallingly sexy, " he replied in a hasty tone.

" Oh, just like Ash's mom's voice ? " Max asked.

" ........You older kids just had to warp this kid's mind with that private crap that I've been trying to hide for the past nine months, " Giovanni muttered angrily, stomping back over to his spot under the tree.

Max sweatdropped. " Maybe I should start to formulate a plan, huh, ladies ? "

Jasmine continued to blush her special shade of pink. Misty grinned and patted the young boy on the back. " Go for it, Max ! " she encouraged. " Brains always beat brawns ! "

* * *

(Meanwhile....in another group.....)

-__- " Ketchum, I thought you were hanging out with your own friends. "

Mewtwo glowered at Ash with annoyance. The boy grinned as he laughed rather loudly. " I did. But you're my friend, too. "

He gestured to where he was before pestering Mewtwo, and at particularly at Gary, who rolled his eyes silently at Ash. Mewtwo continued to glower. " I guess....."

" _YO_ ! Ash ! Come on over and drink a dandelion smoothie with us ! " Mortimer invited, patting the end of a folding chair. "

" ....'Kay. " Ash plopped his rear end into the chair and took a cup filled with a strange yellow liquid, sipped it, and proceeded to gag real loudly.....

_**" GUH ! THAT'S THE HORRIBLEST THING I'VE TASTED SINCE MISTY'S PORK CHOPS ! "**_

Phione giggled. " Sicky Ashy. "

Mortimer smirked. " Yep. Sicky Ashy. Can't even drink anything that's made from nature and small amounts of bleach. He wouldn't last an hour by himself in the wilderness. "

_" SHUT UP, MORTIMER ! "_

" Hehehe....it's true. "

Mewtwo sighed, picking up Phione and cradling her in his arms. " Come on, guys. Act mature, why don't you ? "

Ash gave a blank stare. " Uh, Mewtwo ? What's, 'acting mature' ? "

**-FACEFAULT-**

* * *

" How's your plan going ? "

Max looked into the amethyst eyes of Mewtwo and shrugged. " Pretty well, I s'pose. "

" Hmm...it sucks being a messenger, huh ? "

" Uh-huh. "

" I'll probably go back to our own little group and tell them where we are presently. You can stay and save yourself from the nausea and the # 1s. "

" 'Kay. "

Mewtwo placed his morphy hands on Max's shoulders gently. " Just like Ai, and (somehow) Molly, I'll be your morphing brother. "

Max chuckled. " Correction, Mewtwo : you will be my cool brother. "

(....silence.....)

_**" FWAHAHAHAHAHA ! YOU EVEN THINK THAT CONWAY IS A NERD ! "**_ Mewtwo boomed, falling over in laughter. " I shall make fun of him of that ! "

-kick-ass teleporation poof!-

-sweatdrop- " I....I'm going back to my plan, then....." Max trailed off, picking up his pencil again.

* * *

Later that afternoon, Max stood in front of the groups, which had sat down and was ready to listen to him no matter how dull the lecture was.

The intelligent little eight-year-old cleared his throat and started to read his written speech, pushing his glasses up to his face as he did so. " Earlier today we discovered that we must defeat my psycho mom. As most of us know already, she is psycho with a horrible temper, so in order to defeat both her and her moronic groups, I have decided to break us into two smaller groups. "

Ash groaned loudly. " Who the hell put you in charge ?! "

**MALLET ! TULIP ! ROSARY ! _BITCH-SLAPPED !_** (o.o)

XP " That's why. Now, with Mewtwo back with my own group, there are twelve of us. Six of us will be....Caroline's....decoys, blabbing the mouths like usual, wetting pairs of underwear, screaming hygenic advertisements - whatever you think is the most insane way to distract her and the goonies. The other group will get rid of any electronical security that is in the secret building, and possibly get rid of Caroline's pokemon, sending them free and away from the horror of Contests. "

May glared at her brother silently. Max ignored this, clearing his throat again. " In Group One will be Ash, Domino, Whitney, May, Mortimer, and...." He looked at the audience. " Mr. Ketchum, but that's only so you keep the people at not blabbing anything that will spoil our plans of vanquishing. "

Giovanni nodded. " All right. Do our pokemon come with us ? "

" Yeah. Pikachu can also watch out for that group. "

Pikachu smirked at Ash defiantly. " Pika. (Told ya.) "

Max cleared his throat for the third time in five minutes, proving that he had a throat problem. " In Group Two will be Gary, Tracey, Phione, Jasmine, Misty, and myself. "

Misty raised her hand. " I get to be in the group that smashes stuff ? "

" Yep. "

_" Sweeeeet. "_

Ash snickered. " Hehehe...Misty's talking like her sis-teeers. "

-throws Ash 50 ft into air!-

_**" NEVER SAY THAT !**_ " Misty roared, poofing out her mallet of DOOM and hitting Ash very hard with it. "_** NEVER, EVER SAY THAAAAAAAAAT ! "**_

O.O " Okay, okay ! I won't say that again ! " Ash bawled, tears running down his cheek. " _**JUST SPARE MY LIFE, MOMMY !**_ "

-sudden silence from everyone else-

(Everyone else) o.o " _Mommy_ ? "

Ash proceeded to wet his pants. " .........I don't wanna talk about it........."

Everyone nodded. Max dropped his pencil in hand. " Okay, then. Meeting's over. I'm gonna get as far away from Ash as I can....."

-several poofs!-

Giovanni just gawked at Ash with wide eyes. He grew a humongous sweatdrop on the back of his head before walking away. " There are some secrets that you and Delia should only keep to yourselves....."

" 'Kay, Douchebag. "

-grrrrr.....-

End

* * *

A/N : _There's a 50/50 chance of some Mewtwo/Darkrai fluff in the next chapter, and as I'm not the greatest fluffy fanfic writer on this site , this is probably one of the evillest things I could do to you. :D _

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_Rai snorted. " Still in Kanto. Wow. We could've figured that out easily. And...where is Max ? "_

_Mewtwo shrugged. " With them. I told him that I was taking care of the others.....or at least Ai and Molly. He told me that even though I wasn't his real brother, I was cooler than Conway ever could be. "_

_They both turned around where everyone else was sleeping. Conway's snores seemed to echo the air thinly. The Darkrai moved closer to Mewtwo, placing her head onto his thin shoulders. " It's been such a while since we've been alone like this, " she whispered up into his ear. She fingered Mewtwo's chin very gently. " Maybe we could go up into this tree and have a pleasant night. "_

_Mewtwo nodded, paling very quickly. " Sure. You won't hurt me like last time, right ? "_

_Rai nodded. " Yeah. My nail almost got stuck into your belly button the last time, and you never clean that thing. So sickening. "_

_" Hmph. " _


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16 : Fluff and Plotting

_o.o No comment. It's been a while, hope you enjoy, and....idk...._

* * *

" Lessee....am I finally here ? ....Yep. "

The purple psychic pokemon with a watermelon-sized head, otherwise known as Mewtwo, had finally reached his destination of Pallet Town, where the rest of his own little group was stationed. Nothing seemed to change in the short period of time that Mewtwo had left, but that was expected, since this was a town with zero percent tourism and a human population of 200.

So the pokemon returned to his 'station', where everything seemed in an out-of-character place. It was nighttime, and Conway and Roxanne were snuggled inside one large sleeping bag, Molly was snuggled with her Teddiursa, and Ai was snoring inches away from a blueberry bush, while Sherry was snoring on top of her head. The only one who wasn't sleeping was Rai, a hint of mischievousness in her black irises, which stared at Mewtwo with the implied mischief. " Well, you're back, " she said, sounding somewhat bored by this fact. " Did you find out where Ketchum and his little buddies are at ? "

" Yeah. They're at the outskirts of Fuschia City. "

Rai snorted. " Still in Kanto. Wow. We could've figured that out easily. And...where is Max ? "

Mewtwo shrugged. " With them. I told him that I was taking care of the others.....or at least Ai and Molly. He told me that even though I wasn't his real brother, I was cooler than Conway ever could be. "

They both turned around where everyone else was sleeping. Conway's snores seemed to echo the air thinly, while Ai and Sherry's sounds seemed to act like a snoring avalanche. The Darkrai moved closer to Mewtwo, placing her head onto his thin shoulders. " It's been such a while since we've been alone like this, " she whispered up into his ear. She fingered Mewtwo's chin very gently. " Maybe we could go up into this tree and have a pleasant night. "

Mewtwo nodded, paling very quickly. " Sure. You won't hurt me like last time, right ? "

Rai also nodded. " Yeah. My nail almost got stuck into your belly button the last time, and you never clean that thing. _So_ sickening. "

" Hmph. "

" Oh, well. I don't make mistakes twice. I'll be sure not to touch anywhere near your navel. "

" Ow. I try to keep as clean as possible, and you still scold me for having something dirty ! Do you do this on purpose, Rai ? "

" Duh. "

" Oh. Wow, am I slow. "

" Yeah, you _are_ pretty slow, " Rai agreed, her voice now seeming to fill with merriment, " but despite that, I'm still very attracted to you. "

" Awwww, you're so swee- "

The flattering attempt was interrupted when Rai took him by the legs and dragged him up to a tree branch. As the black-skinned pokemon/morpher stretched out a yawn, Mewtwo smacked his own morphed hands on the tree bark, shrieking quietly. " Rai, what the hell ?! This is supposed to be a pleasant night, not a night where you push me onto a piece of bark instead of letting me climb the flippin' tree ! "

Rai rolled her eyes. " Oh, please. You know you like my roughness. One of us has to be the pants, and besides, do you _really_ want me to start acting like Sherry ? "

o.o "...No way ! "

" All right, then. Kiss me. "

" Wha ?.... "

_" I SAID, KISS ME, DAMMIT ! "_

"....'Kay. "

A low chuckle could be heard as Rai pressed her dry lips against Mewtwo's cold ones. The kiss seemed passionate enough ; (Anybody that's actually done it while being scared to death, though, like a certain man whose son and friends have done nothing but torture him, you'd give it a seven out of ten....)

But after that someone's pants were taken off and thrown to the ground near the blueberry bush.

" ...Were those my pants ? " Mewtwo asked, already knowing the dreaded answer.

Rai grinned. " What's a pokemon going to do with a pair of pants ? Eat them while making out ? "

" That isn't the point, though ! We're supposed to be a PG-13 influence for the kids, and - "

-.- " And I think we screwed that up when I killed Reiji. Hehehe...."

Mewtwo sighed. " Yeah. Let's go ahead, then. "

:D " All righty, then ! "

The Darkrai moved closer to Mewtwo than she had ever been in her life. She cooed softly under her breath, throwing her glasses down on the floor, which surprisingly did not break. Slowly, very slowly, her nails inched up to Mewtwo's face, causing his nose to twitch and his breathing rate to decline.

And then....

" Mewtwo-kun ? Wha....what are you doing to Ra- ........no, wait. I got it. Aren't you supposed to use a condom ? "

Ai stood under the branch where Mewtwo and Rai, (who was now dressed only in her undergarments), laid. The Darkrai shrugged, immediately putting on her shirt, while Mewtwo gawked in horror at his friend. "....Ai, I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, sweetie, " he said briskly, a colossal sweatdrop forming behind his head. "....'cause, you see, I'm not your real daddy....and you know that...."

The eight-year-old sniffled. " Bu-But Daddy's dead. He can't tell me, and besides, I'm old enough to know. Please ? "

" Well, yes, I should be wearing a ......you know. The magic of sex can be a wonderful thing, depending if you're drunk or not. It's actually a little ritual to reproduce little boys and girls into this world, but that can be stopped with a little thing called...the Pill, and this pill can prevent a girl to have a baby for a period of time. "

" Uh-huh. So...how is a baby born ? "

Mewtwo blushed a bright scarlet. " Ai, _please_ don't make me explain this ! I'm a pokemon, for Mom's sake ! "

" Do you know how a human birth is done ? "

" Yes, bu- "

-sniffle- " But what, Mewtwo-kun ? You won't tell me ? "

-sigh- " Fine. "

Rai started to snicker hysterically. Mewtwo continued to blush and feel embarrassed as Ai climbed the tree and stepped over on the tree branch to get closer to him. The pokemon placed a hand to his forehead. " Could you hand me my pants first ? "

" Sure. "

Ai quickly handed Mewtwo his pants. He shuddered as he placed his sweatpants back on and replaced his hand on his forehead. " All right, then. It all starts around nighttime. When a lady and a man love each other very much, they tend to get these strange feelings which make them want to go to the nearest isolated spot....."

* * *

(Twenty minutes later....)

" And after the baby is born, the lady also pushes out the placenta out of her body because it is now useless, ending the miracle of childbirth. "

Mewtwo let out a sigh and looked at Ai. " Are you satisfied now ? "

By now everyone was back on the ground, with Rai rolling on the ground in gleeful, hysterical laughter. Ai bobbed her head. " Yep. Childbirth seems to be a very interesting process. "

She climbed out of Mewtwo's lap and smiled. " Okay, then. You and Rai could work on your reproduction ritual now. Sorry to bother you. "

" No problem....."

Ai walked back over to the blueberry bush and slowly drifted into a light nap. Mewtwo let out a yawn while Rai pushed herself off of the floor. " All right, Rai. Time for the reproduction ! "

Rai grinned. " Okay. I'm up for some. One problem, though. "

" What's that ? "

" It's eight-thirty in the morning. "

" ...........Never again will I explain the birds and the bees, " Mewtwo moaned, burying his face in his hands.

* * *

T.T " I should never, _EVER_ let you drive again ! "

Delia glared at Winona as Officer Jenny wrote a ticket for reckless driving. The lavender-haired woman sweatdropped. " How was I supposed to know that I was driving 95 in a 20 mile speed limit ? "

" Well, maybe the speed thingie on the car ! "

" Oh. Yeah, I didn't notice that. "

Officer Jenny merely blinked, handing over the ticket to the driver and quickly fleeing the scene, scarred by a lack of Driver's Ed courses. Winona shook her head, tossing the ticket in back seat. " One hundred and fifty dollars for speeding. Damn. I'm a gym leader - how could I get a speeding ticket ? "

"...._**BY SPEEDING ! "**_

Winona sniffled. " Geez, Delia, you don't have to be so mean about it. Gosh. "

Delia sighed. " I know. I'm just upset about Caroline, is all. What gives her the right to be a villain ? Not her brand of perfume, that's for sure...."

i.i " She's got nice taste in villain apparel from what I heard. "

_**" WINONA ! WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON ? "**_

" The side of justice, of course. You have to admit that those leather boots that she wears at special occasions are pretty cool, though. "

" I guess so.....but despite that, we still have to track her down and kick her cloaked ass ! "

" Works for me. Could I steal her boots ? "

_" NO ! "_

Winona started the car with a sad expression on her face. As they started to drive back on the road, she sighed. " Awwwww.........."

* * *

Meanwhile, our group in the outskirts of Fuchsia City were plotting some kind of plan. Max, with an eraserless pencil and a penciless eraser, was jotting something down in a notebook. He scratched his bluenette scalp as he wrote in a scribbly type of handwriting.

Ash was peeking over Max's shoulder, trying to decipher the words and scribbles on the paper. " What letter is that, Max ? " he asked.

"....D, " Max replied testily.

" Okay. How about this letter ? " Ash inquired, pointing to the letter after D.

" O. "

" All righty. Then there's a space...is that an i ? "

" No, Y. "

" Uh-huh. After that ? "

" O......"

" And after that ? "

_**" U ! THIS SENTENCE IS, 'WHAT DO YOU DO IF THERE ARE RABID HOUNDOOM ?! ' "**_

" Ohhhh. " Ash snatched the notebook from Max and reread it. " I see. Well, that's a stupid question ! You give them bacon ! "

-facefault!-

Misty grabbed Ash by the collar and knocked him to the ground, taking the notebook and giving it back to Max. " So, do you have an answer for that question, Max ? " Misty asked, hitting Ash with her mallet.

Max nodded. " Yes. We give them Ash. "

-.- " I so totally hate you guys. "

" Awwww, we hate you too, Ash ! " Misty replied, taking Ash into her arms and hugging him, in which the reply was a repulsed face.

_" EWWWWWWW ! NO MORE HUGGIES !_ " Ash squealed, diving into the nearest bush.

Gary chuckled. " Wow. Now we know what we can punish him with after he touches our possession- ...Tracey ? "

Tracey was suddenly in a curled-up ball, crying melodramatically. "_** MY MUSTARD ! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! HOW COULD HEEEEEEEE ?! "**_

*o.o* "...I shoudn't have done that, I guess....."

" Nope, you shouldn't have, Oaky, " Giovanni agreed, flipping through a poetry book that had fallen from the sky two hours ago.

-.- " Like you shouldn't have admitted that you had you-know-what with Miss K....."

Giovanni moaned. Domino rolled her eyes as she sat next to Max, with Phione snuggled up on her shoulder. " So when are we going to execute the plan, Max-o ? "

" Cool is Max-o ! " Phione chirped.

Max sighed. " About...a week. "

" Whaddya mean a week ?! " Whitney demanded. " We need to punish the nonbeliever already, or we'll all go to Hell ! "

" Whitney ! " Jasmine scolded. " He's eight. Don't put pressure on him ! "

" There's already pressure on his immortal soul ! "

Mortimer's eyes widened. " Souls are immortal ? Uh-oh......"

Max cleared his throat. " I understand that my immortal soul is in danger, but it's going to take a week to get to Caroline's main base. "

" Really ? I thought we could get there now !....."

T.T " No, May, we cannot get there now. "

May crossed her arms. " Why not ? "

" Because....she is in Lilycove City, in the tallest tower (which would be the lighthouse, I guess). "

" All right...."

" Uh, discussion adjourned. "

Everyone walked off to do their separate things. Max rubbed his eyes. " Oh, gee, what am I going to do ? We're going to fail regardless of what we do or what I plan. "

" We're going to fail ? "

Mortimer was still sitting down inches away from Max, with a green stain on his shorts. He gazed at the little boy with wide pupils. " So we're going to fail ? " he repeated, rubbing together his teal-colored fins. " Wow, what a bummer. I thought you were smart. "

" I am ! " Max snapped. " I-I just want to be....normal. "

" Buddy, you stopped being normal when that computer got put in your back, " Mortimer replied, tossing a dread away from his face. " I think you're just tired. I mean, you're eight. What flippin' eight-year-old wants to save the world from total destruction ? "

" Boris. "

o.o " Who ? "

" Oh, you wouldn't know him. He was my next-door-neighbor before he was devoured by a pack of Carvanha at a field trip to the aquarium. "

" Okay, then....but my point is it's okay if you feel frustrated. I know it's weird hearing this advice from someone who admires the Viking Song, but it's totally radical advice, trust me. "

Max blinked. " All right...."

" And don't get scared just 'cause I'm using hippie slang. It's cool. "

" I'll note that, Mortimer. I'm going to continue....plotting....now. "

_" THATA MAX-O ! "_

The Deoxys slapped Max on the back, causing Mortimer to be fried by the power of Max's super-awesome-laser-on-the-chest. Max winced. " Sorry. "

x.o " No...problem....Max-O.....uhhhhh...."

* * *

Later that night Max was his cheerful, nerdy self again. He was sitting by Misty and Jasmine, a jovial expression on his face, with his trusty Ralts by his side.

" I'm sorry I haven't let you out of your pokeball in a while. "

" Ralts-ralts. ('T's okay.) "

" Thanks, Ralts. "

" So, what are we going to do ? " Misty inquired.

" Dunno. I'll figure that out tomorrow. "

" 'Kay. Could you make Ash with sores all over his body ? "

" I....might be able to do that...."

Misty grinned evilly at the messy black-haired boy that was snoozing a few yards away from them. " Thanks, Max. He still has to pay for being called man-candy by your sister, even if it wasn't intentional. "

" ....No problem. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Lucas ! Bring me the portable television ! "_

_-sigh- " Yes, ma'am. "_

_Lucas wheeled over the portable television to his leader. Caroline grinned. " We have to keep up with the latest techniques in Contests in order to take over the world, " she stated, patting the boy's beret. " Well, at least I do. Can't be an evil supervillain without knowledge. "_

_" Of course. "_

_" All righty, then. You are dismissed, Lucas. "_

_" Yes, milady. "_

_The beret-wearing boy departed the room, grimacing as he did so. Lucas had been in this so-called organization for a few months, and he was already getting tired of everything that had to do with evil, especially Caroline. She may have been an ideal person to take over the world, but her talking habit made Lucas want to jump off a bridge. Yap, yap, yap. Chatter, chatter, chatter. She acted like the world would explode if she shut her trap for five minutes straight._

_And so Lucas wanted out. Maybe not out of evil completely, but at least out of what he was enduring at the current second. He might be blown up in the process, but it was worth it._


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17 : Defection and Start of Plan

...._This chapter's mediocre. I've been having writer's block for a few weeks now, and it's been driving me to the point where I want to burn all of my notebooks and send them back to ashes. _

_Now I shall go kick the hard drive and eat Oreos. Next chapter shall be better, or I'll punish the computer with....cookie crumbs. _

_Splendiddly-iddly. X3_

* * *

Route 119 acted like an abandoned, isolated route most of the time. Passerbys rarely went through this route, since the Super-International-Highway-of-EVIL had been placed across the route two years ago.

Nevertheless, it made a great hideout for evil villains trying to take over the world.

" Lucas ! Bring me the portable television ! "

-sigh- " Yes, ma'am. "

Lucas wheeled over the portable television to his leader. Caroline grinned. " We have to keep up with the latest techniques in Contests in order to take over the world, " she stated, patting the boy's beret. " Well, at least I do. Can't be an evil supervillain without knowledge. "

" Of course. "

" All righty, then. You are dismissed, Lucas. "

" Yes, milady. "

The beret-wearing boy departed the room, grimacing as he did so. Lucas had been in this so-called organization for a few months, and he was already getting tired of everything that had to do with evil, especially Caroline. She may have been an ideal person to take over the world, but her talking habit made Lucas want to jump off a bridge. Yap, yap, yap. Chatter, chatter, chatter. She acted like the world would explode if she shut her trap for five minutes straight.

And so Lucas wanted out. Maybe not out of evil completely, but at least out of what he was enduring at the current second. He might be blown up in the process, but it was worth it.

He went into a small room, known as his bedroom, and sat on a feathery bed. Not many people could sit on a bunch of feathers without an allergy acting like a nutshell, and Lucas was an exception.

" _Dear Diary_, " the boy mused with coldness in his voice. " _Today I helped my evil bitch of a leader get a portable television for ten dollars, which got me shot in the arm. Ow. I really, really hate this. Seriously. I hate the sky. I hate the trees. I hate my 'friends'. I had to pee. Oh, woe is me. I hate my life, and I want ou-_ **MONDO **! "

Mondo was now sitting on the bed beside Lucas, sniffling from allergies. " Lucas is sad. "

Lucas groaned. " No. Lucas is angr- "

_Wait a minute. He's stupid enough to leave with me._

Suddenly the bluenette smiled, patting Mondo's head with rosy cheeks. " Mondo-kun, do you know what 'defect' means ? "

" _Nooooo_. Why, Lucas ? "

Lucas's smile changed into a sinister grin. " You'll see soon enough. "

* * *

(Meanwhile....)

Max stood on a rock with paper and pencil in his hand as the others sat in front of him. The eight-year old cleared his throat. " So I've added to our groups for final grouping. Added to Group One is Rai, Molly, and Mewtwo. Added to Group Two is Ai, Sherry, Roxanne, and Conway. " The bluenette fiddled with his glasses. " Well, they won't be with us directly. They shall be our technical support and back-up in case Ash does something wrong to screw all of our plans up. "

They were on Route 119 after two weeks' time. Everything seemed to act like a lone tumbleweed skipping through the wind. Despite this, everyone was ready for infiltration.....

.....Except for Ash, of course.

" What if we all die, though ? " Ash asked, gawking at Max with wide eyes.

" Then we all die. "

_**" YOU SUCK ! "**_

" Your dad. "

o.o " Okay. I'll shut up. "

* * *

" _HEY !_ What the hell do you think you're trying to do, Quartz ?! "

Lucas coolly gazed into the eyes of the nerdy Professor Elm and merely chuckled. " What does it look like I'm doing, Professor ? My friend and I are defecting, and there is nothing you can do about it. "

" Yeah, me and my buddy ! Defectin' ! " Mondo chimed in, grinning from ear to ear. " He says we're going to Funkytown ! "

-.- " Mondo, I never said that. Just shut up and let me handle this. "

" Okles ! "

" Anyway. Professor. " The boy placed a hand on Elm's shoulder. " Just let us go and you won't have to get hurt. "

Elm shook his head. " You know I can't let you do that, Lucas. Leader will get mad at me, and then I'll have to eat dog food for three days straight. "

" Then you shall have to be hidden. "

" What ?! "

In just a few seconds, Lucas pushed Elm into a moving U-Haul heading east. As the professor shouted dozens of obscenities, the bluenette quickly grabbed Mondo's hand and started to run. Mondo, not being very bright, looked with confused eyes at Lucas. " Lucas ? Whadda we doing ? "

Lucas snorted as he yanked Mondo into a tree. " Defecting. "

* * *

" Mondo sad. "

" No, you're not. You're just saying that. "

" I know I am. "

Lucas slapped a hand to his forehead. This was the third day that the two boys were alone together, and for three days they were stuck up in a tree to avoid their former comrades of evil and doom. Three days of eating berries and pinecones, wiping with prickly leaves, and an abnormal dosage of sanity.

And yes, this dosage worked well for some stupid people......

....but Lucas was an intelligent, normal boy who only wished that Mondo would fall out of the tree and break his neck.

**" MONDO SAD ! "**

_**" SHUDDUP ALREADY ! "**_ Lucas roared, shoving Mondo towards the other side of the tree. "_** YOU FAIL AS A PERSON ! NO WONDER THE BLONDE LEFT YOU !**_ _Gosh......"_

(.........blinky-blinky?.......)

Mondo sniffled after a few minutes, wiping something red on his long sleeves. " Mondo sorry. Mondo shut up now. "

"......Uh, I'll forgive you if you stop talking like a damn three-year-old, y'know....."

_" OKLES ! "_

(Day Four.....)

" Hey, Mondo, wake up ! "

Lucas roughly slapped the snoozing brunette on the shoulder, causing him to wake up into the real world. " What's wrong, Lucas ? Did Captain Crunch invade our country again ? "

".....no. Your ex-girlfriend's walking right past the tree, along with the Ketchum idiots, a Deoxys, and two ditzy females. "

Mondo immediately stood up to his feet, almost falling down to the ground in the process. " Really ? What should we do ? " he asked enthusiastically. " Should we cut in front of them and hold 'em hostage, or should we just destroy their camps and take off with the women ? "

o.o " Dude, this isn't flippin' Braveheart. You have to change your ways of thinking, or you're going to end up in the nuthouse. "

" So...what do we do, Lucas-kun ? "

Lucas clapped his hands together. " We wait, Mondo, " he said in a dark tone. " We wait for the main beef to be done, and then we will strike...._AS FILLER !_ _FWAHAHAHAHAHA !_ "

i.i " Yeah, but I thought that we weren't going to be evil anymore....."

" Oh. Yeah. Well....we'll strike as filler.....and then we'll stop being evil ! _FWAHAHAHAHA !_ "

" Okles. I'm going to get down from this tree and say hi to my betrayful ex-girlfriend before I get splinters in my undies. "

" All righ- _**NO **_! "

* * *

(Back to the main plot.....)

" Whoa. Max added a text messaging plan to this little top-secret. Kick-_ass_ ! "

Ash grinned as he held the phone in his hand like a prized badge. " And I'm the one who has been enlisted with this texty-awesome powuh ! " he boomed smugly. " Finally Mr. Four-Eyed Dork has decided that I, Ash Ketchum, is Mr. Responsible ! _HUZZUH _! "

May rolled her eyes. " It's 'huzzah', not 'huzzuh'. "

" What's the flippin' difference ?! "

" Who cares ?! You'll never be Mr. Responsible because you don't have any ropes ! "

Group One had started off on their part of the plan rather shakily. One person had to use the bathroom about fifty times ; another person yelled about fifty times (and uncoincidentally, each time he yelled was when the other person was using the bathroom). Things were tense. Things were tightly compressed.

And of course things were blindly chaotic.

" Wait a sec, " Ash said, continuing the moronic conversation. " Mr. Responsible has ropes ? "

May nodded. " Powery goodness ! "

" Keeeeeewl....."

Giovanni groaned. " Can you two please stop it ?! Just because we're Group One doesn't mean that I want to deal with a bunch of idiocy ! "

The older man pointed an accusing finger at Ash. " And that means _you_, Red ! "

Whitney squealed. " Ooh, he just did a Sailor Moon line ! _Gorgeous_ ! "

Domino blinked. " Whitney, I thought you were against anything relevant to the cosmic forces...."

" Nah, I'm just against the damn horoscopes. They're joining up in forces, and I must create an army to destroy the nonconformist deliquents ! Yippie ! "

o.o " Yeah...."

Mortimer turned to Giovanni. " So, Van Man. How's life for you ? "

(..........)

" Van Man ? "

_**" MY NAME ISN'T VAN MAN ! "**_ Giovanni snapped, glowering at Mortimer.

" Oops, sorry. Hey, Van Man, could you get me a mayonaise jar ? "

T.T "....No. "

" Oops, sorry. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Okay. Ash, tell me I'm evil. "_

_Ash snorted. " You want me to lie, Dad ? "_

_"....F--k you. "_

_" Hey, you can't tell that to your own son ! "_

_" Yeah, I can, because I'm evil. "_

_Domino sighed. " Boss, would you quit the whole 'being evil' charade ? We all know that your career went downhill after the whole Mewtwo thing. The proof is in the fact that you haven't rebuilt Headquarters, and that you still have a plethora of idiots employed under you. "_

_Whitney sweatdropped. " Wow. I didn't understand a word you said. Can we do a lobotomy on you ? "_

_-.- " No. Do it on Mr. Ketchum if you want. "_

_" Awwww. It's no fun when nobody places boundaries on my poor, anti-science soul, though, and Mr. Ketchup needs a looooot of boundaries in order to perform a lobotom- "_

_" Here's the villain's hide-a-way, " Giovanni hastily interrupted, shoving all of the teenagers and Pikachu into a group of bushes._

* * *


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 : Group One

_Insanity is always the way to go. Another character appears in the story this chapter - Pluto ! (No way I'm calling him Charon, because Charon was _never _a planet, and Pluto _was. _:3) _

_Btw, I made a reference to Fruits Basket. I couldn't resist...._

_So....pineapples are in teh fridge. No cookies. XD_

* * *

" Whoa. That is one impressive building. Totally radical. "

It had been several hours since Group One started off on their part of the mission....or destructive plot.....(goodness plan ? Eh, who cares.) After the incident with the toilet and the mayonaise passed casually, everyone was surprisingly quiet and kept their pieholes shut. Maybe it was because order had finally descended on the slightly psychotic group.

Or....maybe it was just because they had nothing interesting or overwhelmingly bizzare to bicker about in the last several hours.

Mortimer pointed to a rectangular blue thing that was small and wide with a slot in the front. Everyone facefaulted at this, even Pikachu. Oblivious in knowing that this 'building' was a box where you placed outgoing mail in, the Deoxys sweatdropped at the facefaults. " What ? What is it ? "

(x5) " Never mind. "

* * *

" I need to make a go-go to the bathroom. "

Domino blanched. She was left alone with Ash while everyone else went fishing. The girl would've went along, but unfortunately she was stuck on duty, which meant to watch over Ash and make sure that he didn't burn anything down by accident...or purpose.

At the very second, though, Ash's only thoughts were to use the bathroom, which he did, quickly jumping into a ditch to do a Number Two, leaving Domino by herself for the time being.

She laid on her belly, casually turning the pages of a sexy 'costumes' magazine. Her lips curled up into an amused smile as she fingered a nurse's outfit with a spiked collar and dark black stiletto heels. " I can't believe Sohma still has his role-playing outfit store, " she murmured, eyeing the leather whip that went along with the outfit. " Who would look better as a nurse, though - Tracey or me ? Sweet-sprinkled fantasies would finally be answered for the first time.... "

" Sprinkles ? No, I like chocolate. "

**PUNCH !**

_" YOU ! I THOUGHT YOU HAD TO GO ! "_ Domino hissed, holding Ash into a violent headlock.

Ash, oblivious to the pain that was inflicted upon him, picked up the magazine. His eyebrows raised at the nurse's outfit, the boy chuckled. " Domino. I'm sure it's every boy's dream to dress up in a curly blonde wig and an adorable nurse's outfit with the shortest skirt imaginable, but I doubt you could manage to strut around in just a hat, shirt, fancy underwear, and heels without almost killing yourself. "

T.T " Yeah, and why do you say that, Ketchum ? "

" Your footwork is all wrong ! " Ash replied, sounding rather mortified. " I've seen you playing DDR with Misty, and you can't even do a simple dance right without tripping over yourself ! You're all ankles and no toe ! And it's every time - you push all of your body weight down to your ankles instead of the soles of your feet, and everytime everything below the hips dies a little. You'd never be a successful nurse, so why would you think you could role-play as a nurse ? Heck, Tracey could probably a better female than you will ever be !"

(Pikachu) " o.o "

Domino stood silent for a few seconds before furiously tightening the headlock on Ash. " Yeah, you like the pain, you idiot ! " she snapped, pulling Ash into the road before unlocking him out of her grasp and pushing him into the ground. The girl kicked a cloud of dirt into his face. " You like f--king pain ! I hope you get hit by a semi and get mildly injured ! _YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO POKEMON TRAINERS EVERYWHERE !_ "

**KICK !**

"....Domino, are you trying to kill Ash ? "

The rest of Group One was back from their fishing trip and were now gawking at Ash and Domino with sweatdrops. Whitney, who was holding a giant fish, blushed lightly. " Has he went to the evil side ? "

Domino shook her head, yanking the fish out of Whitney's hands and immediately smacking Ash with it. Whimpering like a tangled Tangela, the boy attempted to crawl to the other side of the road, failing miserably as Domino dragged him by the ankles back to his 'ouchie spot'. _" YOU'RE NOT DONE ! "_ the girl roared, hitting him with the fish every five seconds._** " YOU LIKE PAAAAIIIIIIN ! "**_

_" BUCKLE ! BUUUCKLLLLLE ! "_

Giovanni sweatdropped. " Domino's finally gone ballistic on the world. Hide all of your Skittles. "

(Pikachu) " Pika-pi pi pi. (I think he means Uncle.) "

" Heh. No way am I getting dragged into that. I'll get killed. "

" Ooh, a nurse's outfit ! "

May picked up the magazine with stars in her eyes. She squealed. " Oh, it's adorable ! This must be why more and more nurses come into practice every year ! "

Mortimer leaned on May's shoulder and clapped his hands. " Ooh, I think I'd look better in that outfit than Domino ! " the Deoxys commented.

(-..........silence..........-)

(Domino) T.T " What did you say ?! "

" That I'd look better in this outfit than you, Domino, babe. "

Ash was dropped from the wrath of Domino, who turned her wrath to Mortimer. Everyone else quickly took ten steps back from what was about to happen : uber-superiority.

* * *

A few hours of stitches and bruises later, Group One went on with their lives and were back on the road again, and Giovanni was having a low self-esteem fit.

" Okay. Ash, tell me I'm evil. "

Ash snorted. " You want me to lie, Dad ? "

"....F--k you. "

" Hey, you can't tell that to your own son ! "

" Yeah, I can, because I'm evil. "

Domino sighed. " Boss, would you quit the whole 'being evil' charade. We all know that your career went downhill after the whole Mewtwo thing. The proof is in the fact that you haven't rebuilt Headquarters, and that you still have a plethora of idiots employed under you. "

Whitney sweatdropped. " Wow. I didn't understand a word you said. Can we do a lobotomy on you ? "

-.- " No. Do it on Mr. Ketchum if you want. "

" Awwww. It's no fun when nobody places boundaries on my poor, anti-science soul, though, and Mr. Ketchup needs a looooot of boundaries in order to perform a lobotom- "

" Here's the villain's hide-a-way, " Giovanni hastily interrupted, shoving all of the teenagers and Pikachu into a group of bushes.

Everyone stood silent as the green-haired, goblin-looking male, otherwise known as Butch (Botch), walked past the bush and towards the tall building (which wasn't a lighthouse because it wasn't in Lilycove City - it was near Fortree). Lighting up a stale cigarette, he dragged a lawn chair from the side and sat in it. " Nothing like soaking up some rain and getting my skin all slimy so I can scare Mr. Jimmy-boy again. Heh. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. "

**" SUP, BREAD ! "**

An old man with lavender hair and red-tinted shades slapped Butch on the back, making him scowl. " Dude, I thought I told you not to touch me ! " Butch hissed.

_" SUP ! I'M WORKIN' ON A GIRATINA MUTATION UP IN MY CRIB, YO !_ "

o.o " Pluto, f--k off already ! "

Pluto crossed his arms. " You no like my hip slang on the 4-1-1 ? "

_" YOU'RE SEVENTY ! "_

i.i " So ? Mac-Daddy-Cyrus nebber let me express myself on the jizzy ! Now I's here, and Caroline lets me speak with a slaaaang fo' the hand-jive, man ! Totally radical ! "

_**" STOP IT ! "**_

_" Yoooooo......"_

Flailing his hands to the air and screaming very loudly, Butch kicked the lawn chair and stomped off into the building. Pluto picked up a small package. " Hehehe...he relinquished his Hot Pocket...."

The old man snickered for a couple of minutes before also making his way into the building, leaving a sweatdropping Group One to ponder. Whitney blanched. " My suspicions have been proven. The elderly are finally taking their reigns over us. Our time to live has just been cut in half, forcing us to miss the global warming destruction that was supposed to kill us in fifty years ! " she shrieked. " Oh, God, this is more ungodly than Mr. Ash not changing his underwear for a week ! We shall have to perform a violent exorcism with a mentally-ill priest to rid this building of all the bizarre and noncomformist events that happen here ! "

The pink-haired girl stopped herself for about three seconds before gasping. " Oh, that means we shall have to burn ourselves with a burning tire to get rid of the stench of disorientation ! The flesh shall roast, and we shan't have a trip to the hospital, because this is our punishment for killing the nonbelievers ! "

Domino patted Whitney on the shoulder, successfully calming her down. " Whitney, honey, we have to stay intact for our mission. We have to keep a leveled head for the next twenty-four hours before going psycho. "

(Ash) " _You're_ psycho....."

_" SHUT UP ! "_ Domino sent a murderous glare to Ash before turning back to Whitney. " Do it for Jasmine at least, okay ? "

-sniffle- " For Jasmine. "

May gawked at the building. " Sooo, what do we do ? "

Ash sighed. " We're supposed to be a distraction, so we have to think of the most retarded stunt ever. I say we walk around in our undergarments and fruity capes while singing the Waffle Song. "

Giovanni glared at Ash. " No. "

_**" YOU'VE NEVER BELIEVED IN ME AND MY DREAMS ! "**_

" Damn straight, Red. I would've been dead ten years ago. "

".....Mom always believed in you, even when you gave Mr. Hale a lame mullet hair-cut. "

_**" I'M NOT WALKING AROUND IN MY FLIPPIN' UNDERWEAR ! "**_

-gasp- " That's ungodly ! Mr. Ketchup, spray him with your hose ! "

T.T " I would, but I don't own one. "

" You must _believe_, Mr. Ketchup ! "

_" I. Don't. Own. A. Hose. "_

" You will be granted a hose if you think you have one ! "

i.i " Wait....you have a hose with you, Miss Cobblestone ? "

" No. You must _believe_. "

_" I DON'T OWN A HOSE ! "_

Giovanni groaned. " Anybody else ? "

Nobody answered. Mortimer scratched his head. " Does throwing feces on the wall count ? "

(x6) " NO ! "

" Okay, I have no ideas. "

Everyone sighed. Ash crawled out of the bushes and threw his hat on the ground. Taking out a bag of beef jerky, the boy proceeded to chew on a piece as he tapped his fingers on the loose dirt. " Okay. Something so retarded that it will distract everyone within a three-mile radius. Hn. Hnn. _Hnnnnnn_. "

He snapped his fingers. " I got i- ....no, I don't. Unnnn. "

Domino groaned. " Quit acting like Deidara and think of a plan already ! "

"...._I GOT IT ! "_

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_-.- " Hey, Misty, do you think Ash and the others are dead yet ? "_

_Max leaned on Misty's arm. She shrugged. " Probably. They can all be psycho when they want to be. "_

_Gary snickered. " Yep. Our little Ashy, a bonafide psycho. "_

_" Yep. I'm so proud, Gary. "_

_" Yeah. They grow up so fast. "_

_Tracey sighed. " I just hope that he doesn't destroy any more condiments. "_

_(Misty) " Forget about the mustard, Tracey ! "_

_" NEVER ! "_


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 : Group Two

_Even though Axy is currently sick, somehow she had that writer's spark in her brain. It proves....that my brain is odd. o.O _

_Here lies the scene of Group Two, where less chaos is made but Gary is still....Gary, and Misty still has her trusty mallet of DOOM. Though not as humorous, and yes, you could even call this filler because nothing important happens, but this chapter is amusing to me. (I'm amused, tra-la-la-la-la-la-la.....) _

_^^ Hope you like this chapter ~ cookies are restocked and in the fridge for reviewers young, old, and mannequin. (And Wolfy's probably the only one who'll get that reference..... :3) _

* * *

" Misty, might I ask if you have any threes ? "

" Nuh-uh, go fish. "

While Group One was somewhere out looking for Caroline's headquarters, Group Two was idly spending time sitting around a pile of sticks and rocks. The crazy people gone from the scene, the sight was a peaceful one. Sane. A sight finally worth calling 'civilized'.

Jasmine picked up a card from the deck and sighed. Misty shuffled her cards around and looked up at her opponent. " Do you have any sixes ? "

" Oh, darn, yes, I do. Here you go, Misty. "

She handed Misty a card. The orange-haired girl tsked and set all of her cards on the ground. " Sorry, Jasmine, I won again. "

" Okay. "

Ralts waddled over to the two girls as they placed away their cards back into its proper container. Max followed after his pokemon, quietly analyzing the container. " Playing Go Fish again, ladies ? "

Misty nodded. " Yeah. Nothing interesting's happened yet. Gary came over to our side earlier, asked us if we had a comb and some gel that specialized in 'teh ultimate spikiness', told him to go die in a pit......" She looked at Max with a sudden expression of anger on her face. " He tries 52-Pick-Up one more time, and his face will be as battered as Ash's culinary skills. Little spazbag. "

" Holy crap, _I'm_ the spazbag ? I always thought that was Brock. "

Gary stood over the ladies, Max, and Ralts with a smirk on his face. Tracey beside him, the spiky-haired boy snatched the cards away from Misty and threw the deck into the air. He chuckled almost wickedly. " Ash likes 52-Pick-Up, Waterflower, " he said. " A menacing game, I know, but someone has to fill the void of meddling moron, unfortunately. It's almost fun. I wonder why. Maybe it's because you wouldn't give me the Ultimateness. "

" For the last time, I'm not going to buy you gel for your already-spiky hair ! " Misty snapped.

" Noted. Your uncontributions shall be taken in consideration in the future. If you want to donate, I have a pretty crappy cardboard box in my backpack. Throw any unwanted money or Twinkies in the box whenever you can, which you probably won't, because you hate me and I _strongly dislike_ you. "

"................"

_**MALLET OF DOOM !**_

The auburn-haired boy fell into a nearby bush, eyes turning into disoriented swirlies. Tracey chuckled nervously. " I thought you two had a truce, Misty......"

T.T " Truce is terminated. "

-.- " Hey, Misty, do you think Ash and the others are dead yet ? "

Max leaned on Misty's arm. She shrugged. " Probably. They can all be psycho when they want to be. "

Gary snickered, slowly crawling out of the bush. " Yep. Our little Ashy, a bonafide psycho. "

" Yep. I'm _so_ proud, Gary. "

" Yeah. They grow up _so_ fast. "

Tracey sighed. " I just hope that he doesn't destroy any more condiments. "

(Misty) " Forget about the mustard, Tracey ! "

_" NEVER ! "_

Misty groaned. Phione clapped her fins. " Tracey fun ! Mustard he like, and condiments he love ! "

All of a sudden, Tracey was alone in a melodramatic scene. Rain splattered all over him. Thunder surrounded his feet. He quietly started to sob and sniffle softly, but in a matter of seconds, this turned into an inhumane wailing sound and the sound of green stuff being violently snorted out from the nostrils to a large piece of Kleenex-brand tissue. Everyone else sweatdropped while the boy practically yelled out his lungs. _**" HE DEFILED MY MUSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRD ! NOOOO-OHH-OOOOOHHHHH ! "**_

A giant cloud whacked Tracey in the head. He started to scream gibberish. Max slowly went back over to Misty and grabbed her legs. The two looked at each other. Misty sighed. " Max, our friend is sick, " she whispered. " I dunno if this is a guy thing or if he's just psycho, but he's sick. Nobody should be this obsessed with mustard at twelve in the afternoon. "

-sniffle- " He's weird. "

" Yes, he is, but that's because of the Vicodin. "

o.o " Whaa ?......"

* * *

(Two hours later.....)

Group Two was huddled around a table in a practically abandoned Pokemon Center. Lunch time had just passed, and the evidence left was four Cokes, a green tea, and two bowls of stale water. Nurse Joy was, for once, out of the building, gone for the afternoon on a trip of searching for the best yogurt of the land, leaving the teenagers, pokemon, and Max by themselves to do whatever they wished, which was to formulate a plan on how to break in Caroline's headquarters.

Max led the group somehow. Perhaps it was because he was the only one who wore glasses, or maybe it was due to his shortness of height, but nobody wanted to get scorched by his 'lasery goodness', so no details were explained.

The eight-year-old boy carefully placed a large piece of paper on the table and started to make squiggles around the paper's edges with a mechanical pencil. Ralts quietly sat next to his trainer on a folding chair. Misty, who was sitting on the other side of Max, pointed to a random squiggle. " So, Max, is this a part of binary language, or a secret code, or maybe a map to a certain place ? " she asked.

" Nope, " Max replied. " I like to draw squigglies. But that's not important right now. Our job is to get rid of electronical and any other form of security so my idiot sister and the others don't turn into fried chicken. I have lasers. Ralts has psychic abilites. This isn't enough to take everything down, however. Our eldest of the group is a nineteen-year-old with a....certain type of obsession. "

Tracey sniffled. The bluenette continued his speech. " So, none of us have a college education or any experience in engineering and break-ins. Any comments ? "

Gary groaned. " Damn, I wish Miss K was here, " he muttered.

Max turned to Gary. " What do you mean, Gary ? "

" Uhhh.....nothing. "

Misty took out her mallet of DOOM from nowhere and threateningly wiggled it at Gary. " Spit it out, Oak, " she growled.

" Fine. "

The auburn-haired boy stood up from his seat and proceeded to talk in a lower voice. " Everyone, what is about to be explained is to stay between the seven of us. Ketchum doesn't know. My sister doesn't know. Even Dad doesn't know. And you guys cannot tell another living soul, or I will get my ass kicked. "

(x6) " Agreed. "

Gary sighed. " All right. I learned this knowledge when I was about Max's age. I was staying at Miss Ketchum's house while my dad left on one of his bogus duck-hunting trips. Ash was somewhere....probably sleeping in a ditch. "

" It was late in the night. The lights were turned off, and I woke up to get a glass of water. Disgusting as it may now sound, I drank from under the faucet of the bathroom sink. When I was done with that, I was about to go back to bed when I heard rustling. You hear rustling in Pallet all the time, but this one time it wasn't coyotes or Spearow fighting with Pidgey. It was the sound of paper being turned. "

" So I went where I heard this sound, which was Miss K's bedroom. I stumbled upon a picture of Miss K, and wow, Misty, you have nothing compared to her. (_BONK _!) Her hair was down and wild, she was wearing a long leather jacket, and she was sitting next to a high-tech computer. Being an eight-year-old at the time, I didn't know what to think of it, but now that I think of it, she was....sexy. "

" She caught me looking, scolded me for being up, yadda-yadda-yadda. When I wouldn't leave, she explained. " He took a long inhale. " It turns out when she was around our age, Delia....was a computer technician for Team Rocket. Weird and disturbing as it may sound....yes. And one of the best. She helped with a giant break-in at a museum in Vermilion City. Popular to contrary belief, though, she did not meet Mr. K in the organization. She met him after she got outta it. "

" And so, she told me to never tell anybody, lest she be shamed by it. So...not even Mr. Ketchum knows....and you guys do....hehehehe....."

Max sighed. " Yeah. It would be helpful to know where Miss Ketchum is... "

* * *

(Meanwhile.....)

" Something just told me in my head that someone told one of my deep, dark secrets. "

Winona sweatdropped. The lavender-haired woman gawked at Delia, who shrugged. " No need to look at me like that, Winona. It's just a thought. "

" Yeah, but you said that sentence so menacingly....."

Delia responded with a puzzled expression on her face. " Did I ? " she asked in a surprised tone. " Oopsie. Sorry. I'm just a bit worried over Ash. I hope he's been changing his underwear. If it were up to him, he'd be dressed in only a loincloth and would live in a tree. "

The two women were sitting in Winona's Toyota, listening to good, ol' 90's pop music. It had been a week since the near-death experience with a psycho occured, and by now both of them were exhausted. It wasn't every day that two middle-aged women battled a psycho villainess, Officer Jennies, and evil strips of paper that were known as parking tickets.

Now it was mid-afternoon. " What A Girl Wants " was screeching out of the radio faintly. In the driver's seat, Winona was reclined and eating a bag of Cool Ranch Doritoes. With her mouth slightly open, the gym leader was mumbling the lyrics to the current song, though her voice chirped like a Croagunk on a constipation streak.

In the seat opposite of Winona, the passenger's seat, Delia was quiet, silently thinking of all of the commotion that surrounded her and her destructive family. She had offers of marriage when she was just starting her life as an adult - to nice, young men who looked at her with loving eyes, though those eyes were heavily tainted with lust. She could've married one of those nice, lusting, young men and be swept away to some dump in Hoenn, living on a yearly salary of only 25,000 dollars while her husband slapped the heinie of some other naive waitress working at a dive restaurant. She could've settled with ten or twenty children, with about half of them going to prison before the age of seven because they spent waaaay too much time with their daddy.

But she didn't. She met a guy at the age of sixteen, one who was six years older than her and already introduced to alcohol. She had a long and steady relationship with him, and the guy treated her with love and affection. She had *one* child, a little boy that she wanted to name Charlie or Leslie, but was denied this wish. Somewhere in the eight-year relationship (_early_ in the eight-year relationship), she found out that her husband was leader-to-be of Team Rocket. Somewhere in the eight-year relationship (too _late_ to prevent any future accidents), she found out that her child and her husband could practically blow up an entire town, just by accident.

And now she was thinking if she made a right decision. Was it a right decision to marry a half-psycho, half-moron man and birth a half-moron, half-oblivious son ?

Yes. Yes, it was.

_" C'MON, DELIA, LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE ! "_

Winona grabbed Delia's hand and grinned. " We gotta make some fast time if we wanna find your two idiot boy-children ! "

Delia nodded, grinning herself. " Okay. "

Still, she was pretty sure that one of her deep, dark secrets _had_ been told. The question was, who narcked ? "

* * *

" Tra-la-la-la......a-la. I bought my gelly ! "

Gary proudly held a curvy jar of Ultimateness in his hands. Misty slapped a hand to her forehead. " Why must you always be so obnoxious ?! " she demanded. " Between you and Ash, I don't know which one of you can annoy the Earth to death faster ! "

" I know who I am, but what are you ? "

" Grrrr......"

Jasmine gently placed a hand on Misty's shoulder to hold her back. Max, with a pencil behind his ear, clapped his hands twice. " We have no time for the usual pointless quarrel. I think we've finally have a plan ! "

" A plan ! A plan ! " Phione chimed. " A plan have we ! "

Everyone gathered around Max to hear his plan. The bluenette started another speech. " Now, we're in Slateport City right now. We're in the same area as two people who just got out of prison for pokemon-related crimes. Neither one is perceived to have a very sharp brain, but looks are deceiving, and now that they're out, we're going to pay them a visit. "

Misty sweatdropped. " Who are they, Max ? "

Max chuckled. " I do believe that you'll recognize them, Misty. " You've dealt with Annie and Oakley, haven't you ? "

* * *

"....Mondo....want.....dinner....."

Lucas angrily muttered a few obscenities under his breath. He was furious to the point where he wanted to drive Mondo into a river, but the twelve-year-old knew better than to disrupt his plans when he could practically taste victory.

So, to prevent a murder, he decided to take his lackey and himself to the one place where he could get peace and quiet.

" Come on, Mondo, " Lucas said behind a thin temper. " We have to get to Slateport City before evening......"

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Um, like, what the heck do you want ? "_

_" Youuu......" Gary mumbled, starting to drool as badly as Brock does when he sees a Nurse Joy._

_WHACK !_

_(Misty) " I KNOW THOSE THINGS AREN'T REAL ! AND I BET SHE HAS HAIR EXTENSIONS LAYING ALL OVER HER BED ! "_

_Another woman, slightly younger than the blonde and with lavender-silverish hair, thrusted the door all the way open. She frowned at drooling Gary, and then scowled when her glance casted upon Misty. " Oh, God, " the woman said under her breath. " I thought that those charms would really kill you off, but they just brought me more misery. Where's Squinty and Slack-Jaw? "_

_T.T " Squinty's on a journey to meet some famous violinist with green hair, and Slack-Jaw's spending some quality time with his moron of a dad. "_

_The woman sneered. " Oh, how delightful. Maybe they could send us a postcard. A Latios-shaped one would be nice. "_

_Max groaned. " This isn't going to be very easy......"_


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 : Meanwhile....

_Filler chapter. Hehe...I needed the build-up, since the next chapter's probably going to be filled with some form of action. Probably. Um....(*scratches head nervously and prepares for chairs to be thrown*) X3_

_I made a reference to the Neverending Story. I dunno if it's that popular, but I think it's good. One of those great 80's movies. (*sniffle* I need to rewatch it sometime. I _have_ the DVD.....T^T damn me. XD)_

_Okay, onward to the chapter. Spleeee....._

* * *

Misty grimaced. Group Two had made it to their destination, which was a stylish house with a rectangular rooftop. For once in her life, she _was _not thrilled to visit the people who resided on the other side of the doorknob. Most of her life was soaked in repressed memories of her sisters making fun of her and her style of fashion. (" So what if a side-ponytail looks like a Ponyta's butt ? I think it looks attractive. ") The overall objective depended partly on this visit, and the people weren't as bad as other villains that she encountered. She just had to imagine two of her sisters evil....and with a higher capacity of a brain.

" Misty ? "

Max nudged her in the arm. She looked down at him. " What is it, Max ? "

" Could you knock ? You're blocking the doorway. "

" Oh. Okay. "

She knocked. Everyone else waited in anticipation for a few seconds before somebody answered the door. A woman with an oddly-styled blonde hairdo was on the other side of the door. " Um, like, what the heck do you want ? "

" Youuu......" Gary mumbled, starting to drool as badly as Brock does when he sees a Nurse Joy.

_WHACK !_

(Misty)_ " I KNOW THOSE THINGS AREN'T REAL ! AND I BET SHE HAS HAIR EXTENSIONS LAYING ALL OVER HER BED ! "_

Another woman, slightly younger than the blonde and with lavender-silverish hair, thrusted the door all the way open. She frowned at drooling Gary, and then scowled when her glance casted upon Misty. " Oh, God, " the woman said under her breath. " I thought that those charms would really kill you off, but they just brought me more misery. Where's Squinty and Slack-Jaw? "

T.T " Squinty's on a journey to meet some famous violinist with green hair, and Slack-Jaw's spending some quality time with his moron of a dad. "

The woman sneered. " Oh, how delightful. Maybe they could send us a postcard. A Latios-shaped one would be nice. "

Max groaned. " This isn't going to be very easy......"

" Well, what do you know ? You brought friends with you. Would any of you happen to like cookies ? Or do I have to shove them up my ass ? "

The blonde tugged on the woman's wrist. " Come on, Oakley. You don't have to be so rude. She's brought some cute guys with her. Maybe one of us could be our butler slave. "

Oakley shrugged. " I guess you can come in. Don't trip over yourselves, though - I refuse to be liable. Especially you, What's-Your-Face-With-The-Ponyta's-Butt. "

Misty shot a furious glance at Oakley as the rest of the group ventured into the house. They were _exactly_ like her sisters.

* * *

" So...let me see if what I'm hearing is correct. _You_ want _us_ to help you break into the headquarters of some psycho mother of a Coordinator called the Culinary Cherry ? "

Oakley gave a wary glance at the group, who were sitting around the kitchen table, eating the cookies that she had baked a week earlier. Annie, who was the blonde sister, merely shrugged at the question. " Probably not that fashionable, " she mumbled, biting out of a cookie. " That's why we haven't heard of them. But isn't this little one _sooooo_ cute ? "

Annie picked up Phione into her arms and made a squealy face. " Aren't you just the _cutest_ thing ? I bet you get a lot of admirers, huh ? "

Phione clapped its fins. The blonde squealed again. " Ohh, what did you guys say this little critter's name was ? "

" Phione, " Gary quickly replied, scooting his chair two centimeters closer to Annie's.

" Oh ! Well, Phione, do you want a bite out of my cooki- "

**_CHOMP !_**

The legendary bit onto the entire cookie, along with Annie's finger. As the blonde started to yell in pain and rushed to the sink to try and disinfect the wound, Oakley rolled her eyes and turned back to the group. " So, while we're waiting for my sister to fawn over that little Engrish creature again, why don't one of you answer my question so I can think up a sarcastic response ? "

Max pushed up his glasses to the bridge of his nose. " Well, you two _are_ ex-criminals, Annie and Oaklawn. "

_" THAT'S OAKLEY, YOU LITTLE WEAVILE ! "_ Oakley snapped. " Arceus, _this_ is why I hate children ! They come into my house and act like they know absolutely everything ! I've got fourteen years on your little chipmunk brain ! "

Gary winced. " C'mon, Oakley. Your sister seems on board with the plan. "

-.- " Stop looking at my sister before I kill you. "

o.o " Okay....."

Silence surrounded the group. Annie quietly sunk back into her chair, a bandaged finger in hand. Oakley crossed her arms and smirked. " Well ? Anybody else want to try and convince me that we should help you ? We've already had a meager sentence from the little one, a perverted-induced statement from Mr. Spike, a _shouting _argument from Ponyta (......), and the sobbing plead from the one with the background with mustard (*sniffle-sniffle*). I also have to take into account that one of you bit my sister's finger for a _cookie_ (oops...). Who wants to take the next shot ? "

Jasmine meekly raised her hand. " Miss Oakley, we are not bad men, and you aren't bad men, either. As ex-criminals, you two could help us save the world and save the good world's integrity....and dignity. You could be like our sponsorship. I've heard that the sponsorship gets a lot of mention at the end credits......."

Oakley cracked a small smile. " Well, that's all I needed, I guess. It's called asking nicely, y'know. I'm an ex-criminal. I don't need loud shouting in my ear from some scrawny little Ponyta. "

Misty glared at her. Max grinned, stretching out his arm. " So, do we have a deal ? "

" Mm-hm. " Oakley grabbed Max's hand and shook it. " Just...get some more cookies. I think Annie's going to have a sobfest from her finger....."

owo " It's a deal. Thanks, Jasmine. "

Jasmine lowered her head. " It's not a problem, Max. "

* * *

(Meanwhile....)

" What is Lucas reading ? "

Lucas looked up from his brochure to find Mondo breathing over his shoulder. He grimaced before handing the brunette " Evil Induction for Dummies " in brochure form. " We've already been through this several times, Mondo, " he said between clenched teeth. " We have to set up our evil organization. "

Mondo glanced at the brochure with a dumbfounded look on his face. " Why does it have a coupon to a free nacho supreme at any Taco Bell in the Sinnoh region ? "

i.i " Huh ?.....Stupid ex-Galactic propaganda. I bought this before I set out on my journey. Never know when you have to switch sides in the world of distortion. "

" I've been to the Distortion World ! I even got a t-shirt ! Of course, Mr. Boss Man was mad at me because I skipped out laundry duty. But boy, that was a fun six weeks ! I rode this biiiiiig Giratina ! It was like a dragon ! "

T^T " Mondo, stop yourself before you send us to a flashback made up of a Neverending Story parody. "

" Okay ! "

Mondo abruptly stopped his babbling. Lucas placed a hand to his chin. " We need more 'For Dummies' books. We must make our mark of filler before the plot ends, and yet we haven't even begun to take our steps toward sub-victory ! We must take _action_, Mondo, before it's too late ! "

" Okay. "

Lucas patted the brunette on the head. " That's a good Mondo, " he murmured, silently and wearily thinking of when/if Mondo would mature to his age level.

* * *

(Meanwhile.....)

" Winona ? "

" Yeah, Delia ? "

Delia gave a wary glance to the back seat of Winona's car. " Somebody's hiding in your car. "

Suddenly, a colossal pinkish-red head of poofy hair appeared in the driver's mirror. The eyes that belonged to the head glowered. " I'm not a puppet. I have feelings, ya know. Ain't a frickin' pansy, either. "

Winona sweatdropped. " We never said you were. And....don't you belong to Team Aqua ? "

The stranger snorted. " Team Aqua's been disbanded for the last year, fyi. _You _should know, Ms. Gym Leader. "

**SMACK !**

" Hey, you give us a straight answer right now, young lady, or I'm going to head for my secret weapons lodged in my purse ! " Delia warned, purse in hand.

The car drove over to the side of the road so no interruptions were made. Winona and Delia leaned over their seats to face the poofy-haired stranger. Retying the bandana around her head, the girl smirked. " My name's Shelly. Shelly Waterflower. "

* * *

(Meanwhile.....)

" I hate being frickin' technical support. I want to do some action and beat up some bad guys ! "

Rai crossed her arms as she walked over to Mewtwo, who was occupied with playing something that was square. She sweatdropped. " Mewtwo, is that a Game Boy ? "

Mewtwo looked at Rai for two seconds with wide, purple eyes before directing his attention back to the Game boy. " Yes. I'm playing the Tetris. It's really complicated. You have to fiddle with these blocks and make them fit, similar to The Conway. "

(Conway) " Damn it, I thought that joke was dead ! "

**STICK'D !**

(Roxanne) " Nope. Conway, honey, you really need to stop making bizarre theories if you don't want to be made fun of by the general population ! "

_" I AM A SCIENTIST ! I SHALL NOT BE SILENCED ! "_

**_DARK VOID !_**

DX _**" SHUDDUP AND LET ME PESTER MEWTWO ON HIS TETRIS ! "**_

Rai turned back to Mewtwo, who was obsessively twiddling his morphy fingers. A block fell into a gap in the block structure, followed by another block. The pokemon sighed. " Mewtwo, I don't think I'm ever going to understand you, you stupid big-head. "

Meanwhile, Molly, Ai, and Sherry sat on the branch of a medium-sized tree. The Shaymin had insisted to tag along after an earlier quarrel with Rai. Now she was the one who chattered and kept things lively in the tree. " Ladies, why are we being so glum ? Just because Rai bared her teeth at me and acted me, doesn't mean that we have to stifle a conversation ! "

" It's not about you, or your inflated ego ! " Molly replied. " You don't understand that one of our teammates is gone ! "

Sherry furrowed her eyebrows. " Well, you shouldn't be so rude, either, Goldilocks. I'm doing you a favor by tagging along with your little group. I could kill myself on purpose so you can't save the world ! I'm a prideful, little hedgehog. ~_Nyah~_. "

_" YOU 'NYAH' YOURSELF ! "_

Ai sniffled. " Masato-kun...."

Molly suddenly turned depressed again. " Yeah, Max.....he better not get himself killed. "

T^T " I hope his glasses break, just to spite you ! "

DX _" RECALL YOUR HEDGEHOG, DAMMIT ! "_

_" SHE'S NOT MY OWNER, DUMM- "_

-poof!-

" .....Thanks, Ai. "

Ai nodded. " No problem, Molly, dearest. "

Molly sighed. She looked up at the sky. " Max.....take care of yourself, " she whispered breathlessly.

* * *

Oakley exchanged a glance with Max. Group Two was two cottages over from the headquarters of Caroline. The bluenette nodded. " Yeah. Let's get this show going. "

Annie also nodded. " All right. Let's help your dorky friends and save the world ! "

(x8) " Right ! "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_" I'm publicly peeing in a hallway ! My dream come true ! "_

_Domino smacked Ash in the head with a random stick. " Hey, the plan says you can be a loudmouth bastard. It didn't say to defile the hallways ! "_

_Ash shrugged. " It didn't say for you to be so controlling, either. "_

_SMACK !_

_" I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR LIGAMENTS ! " Domino roared, throwing Ash onto a flight of stairs._

_" DAMMIT, I *HATE* BEING PARTNERED WITH YOU ! "_

_Domino rolled her eyes. " Well, I hate being partnered with you more ! "_

_" Nuh-uh. My hate is deserty dessert of buffalo ! "_

_O.o " Yeah......"_


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 : In Motion

_Oh, gee, I went semi-angsty in this chapter. This is what I get for working on a fanfic for three hours. And I focused on mostly Ash and Domino. We both know that they're both awesome as a team, though, at least for humorous purposes. I rest my case. XD_

* * *

" Domino. What a stupid name. It's like calling yourself Stripes, or Spotty. Are you sure your parents weren't on drugs when they named you ? "

_SMACK !_

Ash and Domino were in the building wearing wizard costumes similar to the ones worn in the Harry Potter franchise. Somehow they were partnered up together. " It's so we don't get spotted so easily " rang in the blonde girl's ears and encircled her mind. For the first time in about two years, Giovanni had actually made sense. However, she did not expect to be paired up by the boy she disliked the most. Right before they picked sticks to choose partners, Domino had silently prayed for her to be stuck with anyone except for Ash, and that included Mortimer. Somehow, though, the higher power thought it amusing to do this on purpose, and the girl was paired up with Mr. Blabbermouth # 1. Maybe it was fate.

She attempted to restrain herself from killing Ash and tried to smile, which looked like the grimace of a murderer's. " We've already been through this. Domino is not my real name. "

The black-haired boy scratched his head. " Then what is it ? Spotty ? "

" No. "

" Oh. " Ash's face fell for a second, clearly disappointed. He tugged on Domino's cape. " Are you a fan of reality shows ? " he asked unexpectedly.

" No. They're a means of corporate gain. "

" Oh. Geez, for a fun-loving psychopath, you should at least _try_ to watch some TV. I like watching Spongebob. "

" Even though he tried to kill you a few months ago ? "

" ....Yes. "

"........."

Suddenly, something yellow started to decorate the white floor tiles. Domino slowly turned her head to see Ash peeing. An anger mark twitched in the back of her head. " What the hell are you doing ? "

" I'm publicly peeing in a hallway ! My dream come true ! "

Domino smacked Ash in the head with a random stick. " Hey, the plan says you can be a loudmouth bastard. It didn't say to defile the hallways ! "

Ash shrugged. " It didn't say for you to be so controlling, either. "

_SMACK !_

_**" I WILL KILL YOU AND YOUR LIGAMENTS ! "**_ Domino roared, throwing Ash onto a flight of stairs.

_" DAMMIT, I HATE BEING PARTNERED WITH YOU ! "_

Domino rolled her eyes. " Well, I hate being partnered with you more ! "

" Nuh-uh. My hate is deserty dessert of buffalo ! "

O.o " Yeah......"

_**" HEY ! WHAT ARE YOU KIDS WANDERING AROUND FOR ?! "**_

Suddenly, two giant security guards grabbed Ash and Domino by the wrists and handcuffed them together. One of the guards dragged the two teenagers into a cell with a dripping ceiling and shoved them to the back of the wall. " _AND STAY IN DERE ! "_

**_SLAM !_**

Domino plopped on a bench and gazed at the handcuffs in dismay. " Great. It's only been ten minutes, and already we're screwed. You know I've never been caught by the police before ? "

Ash was surprised. " Wow. I figured you to be in Juvie on your first day of kindergarten. "

_SMACK-SMACK !_

Suddenly, a phone began to ring. Ash wiggled his hands to reach for his phone and answered it. " 'Ello ? "

" Ash, you sonuvabitch ! How ya doin' ? "

-.- " Oh. It's just someone that I don't know. Who are you ? "

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone. " It's Shelly, dude ! Remember ? We met somewhere in Hoenn about a couple of years ago ! "

The black-haired boy scratched his head. " Um, no, I don't remember. "

Another voice took over the phone. " Honey, don't mind her. She's new to our group. Have you been changing your underwear every day ? "

" Mom ? "

Delia chuckled on the other end. " Don't change the subject, " she said teasingly. " What are you doing right now ? "

Ash placed a finger on chin despite the handcuffs. " Well, currently we're in a cell because we were caught in amidst of our plans. "

" .....What plans ? "

" Oh, to take down Mrs. Maple and her crazy minions. I'm with Domino right now. Wanna talk to her ? "

"................"

He handed Domino the phone and grinned. " Here. I think she wants to talk to you. "

Domino shook her head, giving the phone back. " Nuh-uh. I see where this conversation's going. "

A loud string of profanities started to be shouted on the other end. Both teenagers sweatdropped as they left the phone on the floor, which was visibly shaking for some reason. Everything else was silent for a few minutes before a third voice started to yell. _" DELIA, GOOD GIRATINA, YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR _SON_ ! GET BACK ON THE PHONE ! "_

" Ooh, lordy, the hillbilly's mom's gonna stick him in the barn with a pitchfork ! " Shelly's voice happily chimed in, clearly amused.

" You're not making things better ! " Winona snapped.

" Yeah ! I know ! "

_**".....WHY YOU UNGRATEFUL, LITTLE BITCH ! I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE ASH'S FRIEND'S SISTER ! I'LL KICK YOUR A- "**_

-click!-

* * *

(An hour later......)

Domino wiggled her handcuffs around in annoyance and sighed. " This sucks. I could go for a giant-sized latte right now. All I want to do right now is to tackle Tracey, and I can't even do that, and-....and Ash, are you _outside the cell _? "

The boy grinned from ear to ear, dangling his handcuffs from the tip of one of his fingers. " Hehehe....plastic handcuffs ! Intriguing. "

o.o " Are you serious ? "

^^ " Yep ! "

_**TACKLE !**_Five minutes later, Ash and Domino were once again walking on the tiles of the headquarters. Pikachu, who had just woken up from his nap, yawned rather loudly. The pokemon pointed to a sign : 3F. Domino snapped her fingers. " That Pikachu's pretty smart. According to these signs, Mrs. Psycho's on the tenth floor, and we can get there by the elevator ! Isn't that awesome ? "

* * *

i.i " I thought Mrs. Psycho was on an extended trip to the beach. "

T.T " Ash, you're an idiot. Let's go. "

They continued to go onward. As they stepped into the elevator, a thoughtful look spread across Domino's face. " I wonder where the others are. I haven't seen anyone from our group since we picked sticks. "

She pressed the button for the tenth floor, and the elevator surged upward quickly. Passing the fourth through eighth floors, however, the elevator stopped in the ninth floor with closed doors while making a creaky sound. Domino sweatdropped. " Uh-oh. "

Ash's head also formed a sweatdrop in the back of it. " Uh-oh ? What do you mean, uh-oh ? "

" I mean we're stuck in the elevator. "

* * *

" Why. Can't. I. Get. Ahold. Of. Ash ?!! "

Misty furiously dialed Ash's cellphone number repeatedly, but there was no answer. Oakley clicked her tongue in mock sympathy. " What, you're worried over your boyfriend when we're supposed to be saving the world ? "

" SHUT UP ! " Misty snapped, dialing again for the thirty-second time. " We're also supposed to have contact with the idiot, and he's not my boyfriend ! "

" Oh, you could've fooled me. "

" What's that supposed to mean ?! "

Max stepped in front of the two enraged females. " Ladies, please. Both of you have made excellent points, but we're the ones assigned to help out Ash and Domino. We have to all work together with ease. "

Oakley crossed her arms. " Well, she should stop thinking about her boyfriend and start thinking of helping everyone. For all we know, Slack-Jaw and the blonde are trapped in an elevator, doing who knows what. "

Misty grabbed her mallet of DOOM and struck it at a picture of a bowl of fruit. " Take it back ! " she spat, foam practically coming from the corners of her mouth. " Domino would _never_ use a broken elevator ! She's ten times smarter than Ash ! "

" No, though I will agree with her being smarter than that little boy. She's probably smarter than you, too. Wonder why she isn't in your place. "

The bluenette groaned. " I knew we should have never used the Stick System....."

* * *

Domino paced back and forth inside the elevator, agitated by the last hour's events. She tossed her beret off of her head and crossed her arms. " I hate this. We're supposed to help the others out, and instead we're trapped in a frickin' elevator ! I wanna go home. "

Ash chuckled. " To terrorize my bedroom ? I think the walls are silently thanking these days that we're out of the house. "

" No.....I mean _home._ "

" What do you mean ? "

" You think everything's so peachy, but it's not ! " Domino snapped, sinking to the floor. " You think everything's good and grandiose, but have you ever thought that some people have been through a taste of Hell ?! I can't be blunt - I _hate_ you, Ash ! You're a stupid, dense, little boy, and you never see the other side of the glass ! "

She grabbed her beret and started to sniffle in it. Ash joined her on the ground and gave her a mixed look of confusion and wonder. " Tell me, " he uttered, keeping his distance. " Tell me about the other side of the glass. "

" You couldn't handle it, little boy, " Domino said dryly.

" Of course I can. I'm Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town, remember ? "

Domino sighed. " I don't remember much about my parents. There was screaming. I never knew who to trust - my mother or my father. Neither one cared about me. They faked it, in the beginning. And then, there was screaming. One day my mother dragged me by the curls and left me in the dust by a restaurant. I was eight. "

" It was raining. I screamed my lungs out for my mother for two days, I remember that much, before I simply sat right next to the garbage can. People stared. No one cared. I never felt so lonely, and I will never feel more abandoned. It rained. I sat. Neither one of my parents came back, and I never saw either one of them again. Serves them right. "

She sniffled again. " Then, the third day someone came. Not the police. He was a man of power, I could tell. Tall, too. I felt like he could squash me, or kill me over with that cold look in his eyes. Instead, he grabbed me by the shoulders and gently asked me why was I doing there. " Tears started to form in her eyes. " I told him everything. Didn't care where he took me - I didn't care for my parents anymore. "

" And he smiled. Told me he would give me room and board in exchange for work. I accepted, and the next thing you know, I'm in Team Rocket, grateful for his generosity. But he changed. Changed in kindness. Changed in demeanor. One day I saw a photo of a pretty woman. I didn't know what it meant then. Now it makes perfect sense, and now I'm living with _you,_ of all people. Are you happy that your father's finally making progress back in your life ? "

Ash's face saddened. " I'm not ready to forgive. "

This time, it was Domino who looked confused. " Why not ? "

" He left. He told Mom that he was leaving, " Ash said bitterly. " She didn't bother to argue. I begged him to stay. He said to me, 'Ash, you wouldn't understand. I can't explain, and I won't _try_ to explain. I'm _leaving,_ and there's nothing you can do to change my mind.' So he left, and he never called, and he never wrote. One day Mom grinned from ear to ear and dangled a number in front of my face, telling me to 'go ahead and harass that sad sack'. I did. It wasn't a happy reunion. He _hung up_ on me. I almost set his house on fire. Heh. It's funny now. Now we always argue with each other. He's a _horrible_ dad, but he's still in progress. And yet....and I'm not ready to forgive. "

Domino quit sniffling. " Guess you've seen the glass after all. "

" Yeah. Guess so. "

Suddenly, the elevator was moving again, and before either one of them knew it, the elevator doors opened to the tenth floor. Domino grinned. " I guess sharing our sappy tales made the elevator sniffle, too. " The girl's face suddenly turned murderous. " If you tell anyone about our moment, I swear on the life of Tracey I will _kill_ you. "

" Whatever. I really don't care about Tracey's life, anyway. "

_SMACK !_

The blonde furrowed her eyebrows angrily. " Let's go, Mr. Dense. "

Ash followed the girl out of the elevator, eyebrows also furrowed. " Blondie, I also hate you. "

" Whatever. Keep up with my pace. I wanna kick Mrs. Psycho's ass. "

" Trip to the beach, remember ? "

" SHUDDUP ! "

* * *

Rai and Mewtwo were taking turns playing Tetris on the Game Boy. So far, the idea of technical support was a bust, and everyone on the team was bored out of their minds. Conway was fiddling with his PDA. " I'll show all of you, " he mumbled. " I'll make the perfect candy bar, you'll see ! "

(Sherry) " Yeah, right. I can see a bunch of people from that street of wall choking from your your chocolate. It's quite hilarious, really. "

" Not you, too, hedgehog. "

" Bored. "

Ai held Sherry closer to her chest and sighed. " Mewtwo-kun, I think we should help out more than just being technical support. "

Mewtwo looked up from his game, prompting Rai to snatch the device from him. He scowled at the Darkrai before responding. " Ai, it's not like we don't want to. It's just tha- "

" It's _exactly _that, " Rai interrupted, smirking. " _Marvin_ doesn't want to muss up his pretty blonde locks of hair. "

" You stay out of this. "

" Rai's got a point, " Molly said rather happily. " Why don't you be a hero for once, instead of some emo d-bag ? "

" She _does_ have a point, Mewtwo, " Roxanne added.

(Sherry) " Yes, satisfy us. "

Mewtwo groaned. " Fine. We'll be the back-up men. Group One will probably need some help, 'specially Ketchum. Lessgo. "

Ai beamed, joyful tears in her eyes. " Oh, do you really mean it, Mewtwo-kun ? "

The pokemon sighed, slowly nodding his head. Ai dropped Sherry and wrapped her arms around his neck in an embrace. " Thank you, Mewtwo-kun, thank you ! "

-__- " Why do I have this feeling that something's going to go _very_ wrong ? Sometimes I wish I wasn't psychic. "

" Any other dry comments ? " Rai inquired sarcastically.

Mewtwo looked at his girlfriend with large, amethyst eyes and nodded. " Yeah. I still hate Giovanni. "

* * *

Ash and Domino stood outside the large doors of Caroline's office. The black-haired boy gulped. " Can't we wait for Max to give us the o.k. ? "

" No. You owe me for peeing in public. "

" Yeah....."

_**KICK !**_

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_" Ash, I hate your father. "_

_Ash glanced at Mewtwo and sighed. " Yeah. I know. "_

_" I hate him more than the average Ursaring. "_

_" I know. "_

_Domino kicked Mewtwo in the shins, making the pokemon silently scream in pain. He wiggled his legs desperately. The girl huffed. " We wouldn't be in this mess if you wouldn't have played hero ! " she hissed. " You should've stayed at your post and did nothing like you were supposed to, you stupid idiot ! "_

_Mewtwo glowered at Rai. " See ?! Didn't I tell you things would go wrong ?! Number one rule of the pokemon universe : always trust a psychic ty- "_

_SHADOW BALL !_

_" No one likes a know-it-all, " Rai retorted stiffly._

_-sigh- " Ai's going to be pissed off at me....."_


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22 : A Double-Crossing Double-Crosser

_^^ Yay, I finally finished this chapter ! I felt like I did pretty good on this bad puppy. Not the best, but I have school, so, I'll do what I can if the post office gives into my malevolent demands. MWAHAHAHA ! (.....Er, just ignore that. I just took a sip of my RC. xD)_

* * *

Domino tugged on her beret slightly with one hand as she gently pulled on the door handle with the other. After spending almost half the day locked in a cell and stuck in an elevator with none other than our mentally challenged protagonist, Ash Ketchum, all she wanted to do was defeat the bad guys and go back to looking for a temporary job. Unknowing to the others' whereabouts, the two teenagers were pretty much on their own, which seemed to be the worst thing that could happen to Domino.

She pulled on the door handle again, eyes shifting from one direction to another to make sure that no one else besides her and Ash was around the premises. The hallways seemed silent, and there were no visible devices recording their movements, but something smelled fishy, and it wasn't the expired fish smell that came from the taco vender's cart across the street. Her lips pursed slightly before she laid a hand on Ash's shoulder. " Ketchum, are you ready ? " she asked, eyes still shifting.

No response. Domino pursed her lips again, hand tightening its grip on the boy's shoulder. " Ketchum, I said, are you ready ? "

" -snore- "

_PUNCH !_

Ash fell sideways into the wall. He leaned against the brick surface and glared. " I was trying to get a pre-dinner nap in, " he snarled, rubbing his left cheek. " Why do you always have to punch me in the face ? I get the message just as easily if you punched me in my arm, or my leg, or if even you steal my hat. I'm still touchy about other people stealing my hat. Especially you, Blondie. "

" This is no time to be going noddy-noddy ! " Domino hissed, her hand moving from the air to Ash's ear. She roughly yanked the earlobe, prompting a pained scream from her partner. " We're about to infiltrate a Grade-A psycho, and you're trying to take a nap before dinner. Well, let me put it into terms that you can comprehend, _Ashy_- if we screw up, there will _be_ no dinnertime ! "

_" NOOOO ! I WANT MY BROCCOLI AND CHEEEEEESE ! "_

The girl developed a large sweatdrop as she turned to look at Ash, but for once, he was silent and as surprised as she was looking. On the other hand, a morphed pokemon wearing a blonde wig was groaning and clutching onto another morphed pokemon who was looking tense. _" NO !_ We need to stop the bad guys, and I don't want another night of stewed pork chops, " Mewtwo whined, slowly falling onto the floor. He glared at the ceiling. " I don't want another night of stewed pork chops, " the pokemon repeated, shaking a fist.

Rai groaned. " Act like an adult, would you ? You promised Ai that in exchange for her staying with the others, you would be mature for the both of you. Besides, you can't get broccoli and cheese unless you have money, and I don't think you've ever been employed. Get used to eating stewed pork chops, because it's the only edible thing that I could make. "

Mewtwo stood up from the floor, and ignoring Rai's very true statement, turned to Ash and shook his hand. " We meet again in dire circumstances. I'm afraid there is no good from this situation. "

" What's with the wig ? " Ash inquired.

T.T " Shut up. You will never experience the fluff of my beautiful locks. "

" .....Yeah, but I'd figure you'd go for a more modern,...._manly_ look. "

_**" I CAN BE A HARDCORE POKEMON WITH A HIPPIE HAIRDO IF I WANT TO BE ! "**_

o.o " Okay, then. Switching to a different topic....who's your friend ? "

" Oh, that's Rai. She's my girlfriend. "

" Okay. Soooo, what are you doing here ? I thought you were going to be our technical support. "

The pokemon cleared his throat. " Well, I was pretty much goaded by the other members of my group to come here. Rai came along, too. I suppose it's because she wanted to see my fail somehow. " He shrugged. " It's all right, though, because I am a changed pokemon. No longer do I have anger bottled up inside myself. I'm a happy clone. If you stop being so destructive, maybe I'll show you my teacup collection sometime, and-....and is that who I think it is ? "

He pointed to Domino, who tried her best to grin and hide her old malice at the same time. " Yeah. Nice to meet you again. "

".........."

Ash sweatdropped. " Well, I think it's time we should proceed to break in this room. There's no need to, uh, doodle. "

Domino rolled her eyes. " The word is 'dawdle', moron. Let's go. "

_**KICK !**_

They all rushed inside the room and had only taken about five steps when a trapdoor opened beneath them.

* * *

A dim light was the only thing that lit up the room where Ash, Domino, Mewtwo, and Rai were forced together while dangling from chains that were attached from the ceiling. Nobody had even thought of an underground trap. Everyone assumed that the attacks would be direct, but that never happens in these regions nowadays.

Ash kicked his legs in the air and sighed. He would've patted the top of his hat, but unfortunately his hands were all tied up at the current moment. " I've never had this kind of torture inflicted on me before, " he commented, sweatdropping. " Mewtwo, how have coped with this in your life ? "

Mewtwo glared at the boy. " I have never been dangling from a swarm of Carvanha. I've always been put in a cage whenever someone wanted to inflict psychological abuse on me, " His amethyst eyes narrowed even more, " and it has always worked. I remember one time when Giovanni dumped my feet in a bucket of water while I was sleeping. I killed three scientists that following morning. "

Rai snorted. " Why is that you always have to include the part when you kill somebody after mentioning what's-his-name's name ? "

" It's history. "

" It's not _my_ fault ! " Ash hissed. " I'm stuck with him 'til death do us part. "

" Ash, I hate your father. "

Ash glanced at Mewtwo and sighed. " Yeah. I know. "

" I hate him more than the average Ursaring. "

" I know. "

Domino kicked Mewtwo in the shins, making the pokemon silently scream in pain. He wiggled his legs desperately. The girl huffed. " We wouldn't be in this mess if you wouldn't have played hero ! " she hissed. " You should've stayed at your post and did nothing like you were supposed to, you stupid idiot ! "

Mewtwo glowered at Rai. " See ?! Didn't I tell you things would go wrong ?! Number one rule of the pokemon universe : always trust a psychic ty- "

_SHADOW BALL !_

" No one likes a know-it-all, " Rai retorted stiffly.

-sigh- " Ai's going to be pissed off at me....."

Silence. Mewtwo hung his head in frustration. Domino gazed up at the ceiling that was only about two inches away from her face and relaxed her expression. " Ya know, even if we're being hung up here against our will, I wonder what the rest of our group is up to. " Her gaze shifted to Ash, who was starting to drool. " We _do_ have a pretty big group, Ketchum, and you're not any help at all. "

" Shut up. "

" Well, it's true. "

" _Shut up !_ "

-.- " Rude-ass. "

* * *

While Ash and Domino started to bicker between themselves (again), the rest of Group One was having some problems of their own. Not being in almost four chapters maybe was the reason of this. Maybe not. You have to admit, though, being chased by remote-controlled robots the size of a school building makes a person run faster.

_**" QUICK, VAN MAN, YOU GOTTA PUT ON YOUR SWIFT SHOES ! "**_

Giovanni growled under his breath as he barely jumped over a laser-made pothole. Now he knew how it felt to constantly fail even though victory was right under the nose, and Mortimer wasn't doing anything besides yelling every five seconds that he demanded an apple juice.

After Ash and Domino barged into the headquarters, things had gone horribly wrong with the rest of the group. An electronical Fearow had swooped up Whitney and May into a nest somewhere up in a giant tree, and Pikachu and Persian became drunk after they drinked what they thought was ketchup but was actually margaritas ordered for some grunts. Now Giovanni had to do things as a hero, and as a half-assed villain, he didn't like that one bit.

_**" VAN MAN, GET ME SOME APPA JUICE FOR MY DREADS ! "**_

Nor did he like Mortimer that much anymore.

" Would you shut up for five seconds ?! " Giovanni snapped as he almost tripped over another pothole. " We're being chased by some lunatic robots, and all you can think about is apple juice ! What the hell is _wrong_ with you ?! "

Mortimer pouted, squinting his eyes slightly. " I hatched from an egg that was stuck in a pit of mud. Mommy accidentally came close to eating me. She thought I was a squirrel. Ever had that happen to you, Van Man ? "

T.T " My mom hit me in the head with the broomstick several times, and I'm considered a bastard child by the city's hospital. "

" Same here. Do you want a frickin' cupcake ? " the Deoxys asked sarcastically.

*sniffle* " Yes, please. "

o.o " Dude......"

Giovanni's eyes narrowed. " What ? I want a cupcake. What's wrong with that ? "

" You've been running around in your undies for the past couple of hours. "

The man abruptly stopped and looked down at his legs. They were bare and had red spots clustered on them. He dropped Mortimer from his back and took a chokehold on him._** " WHAT THE FU-"**_

" I swear I didn't do it ! " Mortimer quickly defended himself, gasping for more air with each second. " It's, like, your pants just sorta fell down while you were runnin-UGH ! " The Deoxys patted Giovanni's tie in desperation. " Ack, you've got a tight hold on meeeeee ! Stop it ! "

" Well, I'd feel a lot better if _I HAD MY PANTS ! "_

" Oh. Well......I don't really care ? "

" ........I don't know who's worse - you or Ash. "

Persian stumbled onto Giovanni's feet and started to chuckle under its breath. Pikachu, who was sitting upon the feline's head, also cracked up, pointing to Mortimer like he was a saint. Giovanni merely groaned and let go of Mortimer. " Well,_ they_ seem to like you, " he murmured angrily as he started walking again. " One of them hates me because I haven't been giving him tuna, and the other one hates me because apparently I'm an evil madman with no sense of style. Happy ? "

Mortimer nodded. " Loads, Van Man. "

* * *

Mewtwo looked at Ash and Domino fighting with a faint smile on his face. It was amusing to see humans quarrel like this. Other than battling for their trainers, pokemon usually kept a peaceful bond amongst themselves. Occasionally, his " mother ", Mew, would cause havok because no one would give her a plate of brownies, and sometimes Rai would throw him headfirst into a window because he insisted that something wrong was right, but that was normal.

This, though, was abnormal to the naked eye, and the fighting progressively grew worse with each passing minute that they were in chains. No one, however, could stop it, and no one could make it worse.

_" I HATE YOU ! "_ Domino screamed, delivering Ash a sideways kick. She pulled on the chains that were supporting her. " I'm tired of being a goody-goody for Tracey's sake, too ! No one should put up with your bullcrap ! "

Ash furrowed his eyebrows. " What are you saying, Blondie ? "

-thud!-

Domino licked her lips and did a victory pose, two fingers up in the air in a peace sign. " It's been a long time we've known each other, Ash, honey, but it's time to cut the curtains and fly solo. " She giggled as she took out a black tulip from her pants pocket. " I hope you're not too upset with me, sweetie. Toodles. "

_POOF !_

Ash angrily rattled his chains._** " DOMINOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

Mewtwo's face turned redder than a beet. " See ? See ?! _This_ is why you don't trust a double-crossing double-crosser ! They're all alike, just like Ketchum's dirtbag of a father ! "

" Shut up about my dad already ! "

" I'll talk about him all I want ! " Mewtwo said testily. " It's not *my* fault that you made friends with a frickin' psych- "

_KICK !_

Rai turned to Ash and gave him a reassuring smile. " It'll be all right, little man. Marvin's just a little upset that one of his former foes kinda did a Houdini on us. We'll get outta this somehow, kid, and when we do, we'll see what we can do with your friend. "

The boy nodded slowly, his face slowing scrunching up into a grin. " Who's Marvin ? "

Mewtwo groaned, shutting his eyes in annoyance. " Don't even get him started, Darkrai......"

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :)_

_" Left ? "_

_" Left. "_

_" Right ? "_

_" Right. "_

_Giovanni punched the Deoxys in the arm. " Which is it, Mortimer, left or right ?! "_

_Mortimer put a finger to his lips. " Ummmmm......right. "_

_" So, it's right, then ? "_

_" Left. "_

_" Left ? "_

_" Right. "_

_" STOP THAT NONSENSE AND GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER ! "_

_" Oh, yeah ! It's straight ! "_

_"..............."_


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 : Departure

_-sigh- It's been two months, and I think this chapter sucked. XD Forgive my procrastination and me - I don't mean it ! _

* * *

While Ash, Mewtwo, and Rai were still baffled over Domino's double-crossing and trying to get out of the chains at the same time, Giovanni and Mortimer were having problems of their own. After finally sobering up Pikachu and Persian, the man and the Deoxys were still running away from lasers, potholes, and random psychopathic fangirls who were given chainsaws for amusement purposes. Needless to say, it had been a tiring few hours, especially for Giovanni, who had Mortimer wrapped around his back the entire time he was running for his life.

They were looking for a place to run for cover. Anywhere would be better than running among the streets of Hoenn. Even a bar filled with tearful Hoennese nationalists would be nice, since Giovanni could get something to make him feel that he was invincible to the entire world. Anything would be better than trying to get directions from a delusional Deoxys.

" All righty, then, " Mortimer mumbled. " Lemme see what direction I've got in my mind, Van Man. Uhhhh.....left. "

" Left ? "

" Left. "

" Right ? "

" Right. "

Giovanni punched the Deoxys in the arm. " Which is it, Mortimer, left or right ?! "

Mortimer put a finger to his lips. " Ummmmm......right. "

" So, it's right, then ? "

" Left. "

" Left ? "

" Right. "

_**" STOP THAT NONSENSE AND GIVE ME A STRAIGHT ANSWER ! "**_

" Oh, yeah ! It's straight ! "

"..............."

Giovanni threw Mortimer forward, sending him flying straight into a table. Two women squeaked and threw the Deoxys to the ground, and another woman started to cackle. " Dude, you live in the twenty-first century on a piece of land, not some frickin' deserted island, " she sneered. " I don't know who told you that dreads were cool, but honestly they look like strings of Number Two, if ya know what I mean. "

Mortimer looked straight up in the air. The woman who was staring at him had red hair that was poofing out in all directions. He was unable to snicker as he pointed a fin at her. " Hehehe, you shouldn't be talking, lady. At least my dreads are more modern than your disco perm. I be funkeh. "

One of the other women held the poofy-haired woman from mauling Mortimer with her bare hands. The third woman groaned softly and placed a hand to her head. " Shelly, honey, you've got to control your temper, " she murmured. " It's not always good to use violence to solve your problems. I know it makes you feel better, but it's not worth it. "

Shelly broke Winona's grip on her and crossed her arms as she huffed. Mortimer licked his lips and quickly creeped over to the side of the third woman. His face broke into a broad grin as he placed a fin over the woman's shoulder. " Yowza, you look like one fine, sexy lad-eh. Allow me to introduce myself, madam, ma'am, and all other forms of sexy ladytude. I'm Mortimer. " With this statement, the Deoxys's grip on her shoulder tightened. " I'm awesome, that's all you really need to know. Oh, and I'm actually a Deoxys in a morph form, so I guess instead of awesome I'm *super-special* awesome. Yeah. I'd say believe it, but I don't want to be killed. "

_**SMACK !**_

The woman groaned again as she turned to Mortimer. " Okay, then. What are you doing here ? If you're a....um....super-special awesome Deoxys, shouldn't you be hiding in a cave with cavemen or something like that ? "

" Yeah, but my ball and chain won't let me go. Ain't that right, Van Man ? "

Giovanni didn't respond in words but glared at a nearby fire hydrant. Meanwhile, Shelly saw the momentary silence and took the opportunity to punch Mortimer in the back of the head. As expected, this followed by a heated quarrel between the human and the pokemon, said quarrel only having losers in its battle. Delia merely shook her head and went back into her chair to catch up on drinking her glass of pink lemonade, while Winona glanced back and forth from the quarrel to Giovanni. A few seconds later, she gasped loudly and caused everyone's eyes to be on her as she pointed rather rudely at the man. " Hey, Delia, isn't that your guy ? " she asked excitedly. " I think he grew a couple hundred more inches ! "

Mortimer facefaulted in disappointment. Delia unsuccessfully tried to keep her laugh inside of her. " Hehehe, Winny, you're right. He actually _does_ look like he grew a couple hundred more inches ! "

Both women burst out laughing, and Shelly exchanged a look of bewilderment with Mortimer. He merely shrugged, but tears swelled in his eyes like a worm caught up in a Swellow's throat. Obviously the pokemon had been crushed in his hopes of dating a human woman aged thirty to thirty-five. Giovanni kept silent while a light shade of red slowly crept up to his face.

Everything seemed fine and dandy until a thought popped into Delia's mind and she tackled Giovanni to the ground like an Ursaring. " _**WHERE IS OUR SON ?! "**_

* * *

The lights were dim on the eighth floor of the headquarters. Contrary to very popular belief, Caroline's domain was, in fact, _not _on the tenth floor. Most of the idiots who worked for her didn't know this because they didn't have a reason to actually _visit _her domain other than Chuck, but he had obvious reasons.

One person managed to figure this uncommon fact, however. For the past couple of hours, she had crept around the building to figure out why there were trapdoors and evil knives hanging from the ceiling of the so-called office. And then she knew. One of the few grunts who had the trouble of seeing his leader told her this information in exchange for not telling anyone that he was stealing cigarettes from his fellow coworkers. Caroline never had her office on the tenth floor, apparently. In fact, she rarely was ever on the tenth floor. Too many cobwebs.....or something along those lines.

And now she could infiltrate Caroline's office and wreak some dirty havok. The girl licked her lips in delight at the thought of causing some chaos in someone else's life. It had been a while since she could inflict chaos on a person. For a long time, she had to keep her temper in control and be good for once, but now all of that was in the past. She was finally free again, free to throw explosive tulips at mailboxes and flaunt her beret wherever she went.

The Black Tulip was finally free.

" Jingle-jingle, " she giggled as the stem of one of her tulips unlocked the door.

" Going somewhere, sweets ? "

Domino turned her whole body around to see Chuck smirking at her. She scowled in response, crossing her arms. " Oh, whadda ya know, it's the fat-ass gym leader of Cianwood City. Tell me, Chucky, how's life like living as a murderer _with_ a murderer, hmmm ? "

Chuck grimaced. " You shouldn't talk. I saw your little stunt on the surveillance cameras. I may be a murderer, but at least I don't betray my friends. "

" Friends ? They were never my friends, Chucky, honey, " Domino sneered, taking a step into the office. " Now, I wouldn't be toying with my emotions if I were you. I have enough explosive stuff to blow this whole building into Johto, and I'm not afraid to use it. "

The expression on Chuck's face grew murderous. " You wouldn't dare. "

" Tee-hee. I see we have the switch to the main power source. Wouldn't it be a buzzkill if someone were to switch it off, hmmm ? "

" Oh, yes, it would be a bummer. "

Both Domino and Chuck turned around yet again to see Caroline standing by the door fully decorated in villainous garments. The woman smirked at the younger girl and swatted a curl from her face. " How remarkably evil of you. You'd risk your own life for a simple sabotage. Still, it would be a stupid decision to make without hearing a once-in-a-lifetime proposition. "

" I don't want to hear your sappy propositions, " Domino growled. " I've had too much commitment for my liking, and _your_ kind of commitment would probably just cramp my style. "

Caroline chuckled. " Oh, but dearie, you'd be throwing away a wonderful thing ! I can see your potential, Domino, honey, and I'd think that if you would just join my forces, you'd become a powerful being on this planet. Make things go 'boom' and all of that good stuff. I can make you powerful, and wealthy, and perhaps maybe even prettier, if that's even possible. Think of the opportunity ! "

_**TULIP'D**_

Domino grinned as the tulip that landed on the ground started to set the carpet and everything else in the office on fire. " Opportunity can kiss my ass. "

_**KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM !**_

" You're throwing it all away, Domino ! " Caroline spat. " Don't you dare forget that while you burn in Hell ! "

The older woman hastily grabbed Chuck's wrist and dashed out of the doorway. Domino was conveniently thrown next to the main power grid by the blast. She quickly switched it off and weakly crawled towards the elevator. With her last ounce of strength, she hit the 'Floor 5' button and went into the elevator before collapsing as the flames barely scorched the tips of the elevator door.....

* * *

" Sooo, your girlfriend broke up with you ? "

Tracey sniffled. " Yeah. It really sucks, too, but I've gotta help Miss K out, no matter what it means for my broken heart. "

" Why would you want to bother ? Why don't you just let her fend for herself ? According to everyone else, she's a big girl. I think she could take care of herself, Tracey, honey. "

" Yeah, but...she really_ is_ a nice woman, and Ash loves her so much. "

" Hmph. Ash Ketchum can crawl into a hole and die. "

The boy chuckled softly. " I've never seen someone who's despised Ash so much. You really do dislike him, don't you ? "

" Tons. "

_Holy shi-_

Domino awoke with a jolt, realizing that she had just exited a flashback mode, when the elevator doors opened with a 'ping' sound. She should've been stuck in the elevator with the power off, but somehow, she was on the fifth floor like she requested.

A blurry image of Tracey grinning ear to ear fluttered in her mind. The girl tried to erase the picture, but found out that the harder she tried, the more images would pop up that contained all of the friends that she had made in the past few months.

_Friends.....oh, frick._

The girl stood up, glaring at nothing in particular. She clutched the beret on her head and started running towards the room where Ash, Darkrai, and Mewtwo were still imprisoned. " The first thing Ketchum's going to do for me when we're done with this is buy me a giant parfait, " she murmured under her breath.

Soon Domino was at the door, and flinging it wide open, the first thing she saw was an unchained Mewtwo and Rai, and a triple-chained Ash. She would have to make a correction - Ash Ketchum would have to buy her an all-you-can-eat ticket to Denny's.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Good Giratina, they're everywhere ! "_

_Max blasted another mini Patrick with his laser. The starfish sizzled and died on a rock as the boy robot blanched. He switched his gaze to Molly, who was hanging on to Entei as the pokemon belched out a Fire Blast. " Make sure you don't get your hair singed ! Fire Blast can be pretty nasty on the locks, Mol ! "_

_Molly nodded. " I know, but could you tell your nerdy brother and the schoolteacher to get off their heinies and help us ?! "_

_" . . . CONWAY ! "_

_Conway stirred from his sleep. " Huh ? Oh, look ! I've never seen a field so desolate ! It's like something from a Halloween movie, isn't it, Roxanne ? "_

_Roxanne shrugged. " I think I'm actually going to fight. The boredom's killing me. "_

_T.T " Nobody cares about me. "_

_:D " Righty-o ! "_


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 : No Nonsense

_^^ Yay, Axy managed to get this done before Christmastime ! i.i Sorry about taking so long _again_, but with school, Writer's Block, and trying to improve my writing skills, I was blocked of inspiration for awhile. XD And now Chapter 24's finally here ! There's no next chapter preview this time because it might take me two months to do Chapter 25. D: (And there's also the fact that I'm trying to slowly move this story towards the ending, so I don't need to be distracted by sub-plots. XD)_

_:3 Okay, okay, enough rambling from me. Enjoy. _

* * *

Domino paused at the entrance of the room for quite a number of seconds. With all of the effort she had to make with switching sides twice during the same day, she should've just left her life to the explosive flames. If it wasn't for Tracey....but fate had its ways to screw with Domino's head. Maybe she placed the beret on her head too snugly. And she _did_ find Ash captured in three different chains frightfully amusing.

He was squirming around in the metal links like a flopping Magikarp, his hands desperately trying to reach his hat, which was abandoned on the floor. Mewtwo was giggling at the sight like a ditzy schoolgirl, and even Rai had a small, cruel smile printed on her face. Everyone was fully aware of Domino's presence, however. The Darkrai stared directly into the girl's eyes and chuckled in her usual gruff way. " Welcome back, Blondie. Did you get tired of the crime life and made a boom and ditch ? "

" Yeah...." Domino admitted sheepishly. " The eighth floor's gotta be engulfed in flames by now. "

" Fabulous. The friendly flames should fry us into Feebas filets before we know it. " Rai chuckled again at the depressing truth. " But seriously, we should probably get out of here now. The question is, should we leave Ketchum here ? "

_" NO ! "_ Ash squealed, kicking his legs in the air nervously. His face started to turn a light pink and sweaty as the others exchanged an evil look among each other. " I don't hurt anybody ! I'm innocent, I tells ya ! "

" Yeah, but your dad's evil, " Mewtwo said slyly.

_**" BAAAAAAWWW ! "**_

_THUMP !_

Ash fell to the floor, chains and all, swirlies quickly replacing his eyes, as he unconsciously grabbed his hat. Domino grabbed the boy by the ankles and headed for the exit. For a moment, she thought to simply drag Ash up the stairs and toss him into the fire. That idea probably popped up into everyone's head. Since the time of his birth, it seems that *everybody* wanted to know whether Ash Ketchum would make excellent firewood. Still, the idea of a free trip to Denny's sounded even better, and Domino wouldn't dare pass up the opportunity, so she just decided to drag Ash to safety and taunt him later.

Trudging slowly behind them, Mewtwo reluctantly handed Rai five dollars. " Remind me that my prediction powers suck. "

" Gladly, _Marvin._ "

* * *

Meanwhile, Giovanni sat at the cafe table rather sadly, the sweatdrop by his head growing bigger by the second. He fingered the bruises on his right arm. Purple and green started to decorate it, mocking the man smugly, but it was better than a strong headlock. Headlocks had always made him uncomfortable, especially when they were super-type, and Delia was one of those people who could manage just that.

She sat across from him, giving the man a steely gaze. Mortimer and Shelly snickered at the sight, while Winona merely buried her head in her hands, as her friend finally decided to speak. " So, you decided to let our son and his friends venture directly into the clutches of a maniac ?! "

" Yes, " Giovanni's cheeks paled slightly, trying desperately not to turn pink instead, " but what the hell do you want me to say ? " he demanded in a lower tone of voice. His cheeks began to betray his request. " _I'm sorry ?_ There's no need to do _that_, because it's not going to do anything. False hopes are for the simple-minded. You _know_ that ! "

He banged a fist on the table, sending drops of his coffee splattering onto the table. The white, fluffy clouds above them seemed to turn gloomy, and an aura of doom seemed to heave itself upon the entire table. Delia pursed her lips. " And I suppose you want us to do absolutely nothing while Ash battles a lunatic ? " she retorted, barely keeping a civil tone.

" _Yes !_ " Giovanni snapped, banging on the table again. This time the coffee cup fell to its side, the steaming, hot liquid soaked with caffeine falling onto a random stool. A pedestrian walking along the sidewalk sweatdropped at the spontaneous outburst, and a Zigzagoon lounging lazily under an oak tree nearby scurried away. " Yes ! " he repeated, louder this time. " That's_ exactly_ what I want to do, Delia ! Why can't you just listen to me for on- "

_SPONTANEOUS CAPPUCCINO'D !_

_" AAAAAAGHHH ! "_

Ice-cold cappuccino was thrown directly into Giovanni's face, foam spiraling upward into its nostrils while defying gravity at the same time. Delia hastily stood up from her stool and roughly grasped the cushion, a violent glint heavy in her usually innocent brown eyes. She swatted her cup to the ground, prompting sweatdrops from Winona, Mortimer, and even Shelly. " You son of a bitch ! " the woman screamed, ignoring everything in the world for a moment except for Giovanni. " You need to stop acting like such a pompous jack-ass, and start acting your age ! Somehow, I _still _think that you care more about that stupid business of yours than Ash ! You'd probably pick a _squirrel_ as your son before you'd pick him ! "

"_I_ sure as hell would if I had the choice, " Shelly mumbled under her breath.

_**" WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ?!**_ "

" _Leave._ " Delia furrowed her eyebrows. " Go back home and live contently in your tattered tent. We'll be okay. "

" Wait a sec- "

" Go on, Giovanni. You have an outtie. Leave. Leave ! "

She pointed her finger in a random direction, towards the steet. Giovanni winced, a faint tinge of pink immediately following it. The dreaded finger-point. From the time that he had first been inducted as the Team Rocket leader, there was nothing that made him feel ashamed compared to when Delia pointed her finger at something. He had passed the borderline of her temper and patience, and now Delia was beyond angry. This scenario usually ended very badly. The last time she had pointed a finger at him, he remembered clearly, was after Ash had just finished eating an entire eight-pack of crayons.

He blindly felt for her hand and grabbed it with his own. " No, Delia, please. I-I don't wanna, " he said nervously. " I-I won't leave, and if you want to do something about the situation, I guess I'll support you. "

" . . . OKAY ! " Delia giggled happily as she tugged on Giovanni's hand. She pulled him close to her with one yank and wrapped her arms around him. " Winny, Shelly, Mortimer, Pikachu, and Persian - we better get going and save the others ! There's no time a-wastin' ! "

" No prob. " Shelly yanked Giovanni out of Delia's grasp and headed for the car, the others briskly following suit. The poofy-haired woman grinned wickedly at the captive older man. " I got dibs on hurting Van Man psychologically fiiiiirst ! "

(Mortimer)_ " I CALL SECOND ! "_

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOO !......"**_

* * *

Max and the others were surrounded by the Culinary Cherry's minions. Nobody could guess how they were found out, but now everyone had bigger fish to fry with the cat out of the bag.

A man with broad shoulders flung a tie into the air and waved a hand. He gave a smug smirk at Max, stepping forward with an air of arrogance. " Little boys and girls shouldn't be playing with the big men, " he sneered. " Especially when they have deadly weapons ! "

Molly rolled her eyes. " Neee, I'm shaking in my little boots. "

"_ SHUDDUP ! "_ The man fished in his coat pockets for a yellow and pink pokeball. His coworkers immediately followed suit, prompting him to grin widely, showing two gold teeth and three regular ones. " You would never understand the Culinary Cherry's ideals. As mere children you'd be useless in our society. Therefore, it is our duty - no, our privilege - to exterminate such filthy rodents as yourselves ! _BEHOLD ! "_

All of the men threw their pokeballs in the air and poofed in an instant. In their places were hundreds of mini-Spongebobs and Patricks. Max started to blast the enemies with the trusty laser embedded in his body. " Ladies, guys, we're gonna need all the power we can get ! "

(Molly & Ai) " Right ! "

They commenced to fight - Max with his technology and Ralts, Molly with Entei, and Ai with Sherry, but as one enemy died, six more popped up in utter defiance. The bluenette rubbed his nose. " Good Giratina, they're everywhere ! "

Max blasted another mini Patrick with his laser. The starfish sizzled and died on a rock as the boy robot blanched. He switched his gaze to Molly, who was hanging on to Entei as the pokemon belched out a Fire Blast. " Make sure you don't get your hair singed ! Fire Blast can be pretty nasty on the locks, Mol ! "

Molly nodded. " I know, but could you tell your nerdy brother and the schoolteacher to get off their heinies and help us ?! "

_**" . . . CONWAY ! "**_

Conway stirred from his sleep. " Huh ? Oh, look ! I've never seen a field so desolate ! It's like something from a Halloween movie, isn't it, Roxanne ? "

Roxanne shrugged. " I think I'm actually going to fight. The boredom's killing me. "

T.T " Nobody cares about me. "

:D " Righty-o ! "

Out came a stout Nosepass from one of Roxanne's pokeballs. He waddled slowly towards a boulder and picked it up with his stubby arms, taking a quick glance at his trainer. Roxanne nodded once, and with a flick of the wrists, the pokemon tossed it at a large group of the enemy. " Nose ! Nosepass ! "

" Good job, Nosepass, " Roxanne cheered, hands in the air. " Why don't you go for a Rock Smash now ? "

" Nose ! "

The Nosepass quickly grabbed a larger boulder and slammed it on the ground, sending smaller but deadly pieces of it flying across the area like meteorites. Several enemies shrieked in agony and died immediately. Others swarmed and made larger groups, growling viciously as they bared their teeth. A few even brought out tiny daggers, switching their hold from left to right in a threatening fashion. These were the older ones, the ones blessed with a tad more knowledge than their younger warriors.

Sherry hopped off of Ai's head and leapt onto a tree branch. The shrub on her back opened up into wings, and she gracefully transformed into her Sky Forme. " All righty, then, you crusty-nosed sons of scumbags ! " she cried, smiling thinly. " Now it's time for Shaymin to show her strut ! "

Sparkling green leaves came from beneath her wings and floated in mid-air. Sherry's smile turned into a boastful grin, and her green eyes were brimming with confidence. Her ears wiggled joyfully, obviously pleased by action. " By the power bestowed upon me by the great Arky and the flowers of the land, goooo ! Magical Leaf ! "

Leaves smashed against the enemies, superior to the Razor Leaf as it stunned, confused, and killed them. Fire Blast and Psybeam also aided against the mutant sea creatures. The few with daggers placed their weapons in their pockets and gathered around in a huddle. Their voices, squeaky and shrill, could be heard by almost no one as they mumbled amongst themselves.

Max stopped his firing for a moment and looked at the huddle. " What the heck are they planning ? " he murmured breathlessly.

_PSYCHIC !_

The rest of the enemies were thrown into the air and pelted with leaves, dirt, and heavy rocks. Everyone slowly turned their heads to look at Ai, who giggled. " It's lunchtime ! No need to get our stomachs upset with ambushes ! "

Molly, Roxanne, and Max slowly recalled their pokemon back to their pokeballs. Conway didn't even stir, but continued to snooze in an invincible state. Sherry reverted back to her Origin Forme, sweatdropping in the process. " Damn, Ai, if anything, _you_ should be the one who deserves all of that gratitude. Who would have thought a bunch of vermin could get thrown that high in the air ? "

" Thanks. "

" Er...no prob, sweetie. " The Shaymin hopped back onto Ai's head. " Now let's head off to lunch ! "

Ai started to walk off in the opposite direction. Roxanne scratched the back of her head as she directed her gaze at Conway. " What do we do about him ? " she asked.

Max shrugged, following Ai's directions. " He'll find his way eventually. "

" 'Kay, then. "

* * *

Winona stomped on the brakes almost violently, sending everyone slightly forward in their seat belts. She took a short breath and stared at the steering wheel before pausing for a few seconds. " Is that building filled with fire, or is it just me ? "

Shelly, who was sitting in the passenger's seat, shoved Winona to the side and stared forward at Caroline's headquarters. " Wow. For once, it _isn't_ just you. " She chuckled. " Heh, looks like someone had some issues. I wonder what kind...."

" Ooh, maybe they're addicted to fire ! " Mortimer suggested.

" Yeah, I heard that could happen. Crazy outta their effin' minds, but it happens. Never thought that it would be Delia's sworn enemy, though. "

Delia glared at the former Team Aqua commander. " No. Caroline may be a psycho, but she's not an arsonist. Maybe a murderer, and maybe a filthy whore, but not an arsonist. "

" Hn. Then....how well do you_ really_ know your son ? "

" Ahem, I believe that question's reserved for _Mr._ Ketchum. "

Giovanni sweatdropped and rested his head on the back of the passenger's seat. He murmured something unintelligible, something about, " Not this crap again, " and groaned. Mortimer, who was sitting in the middle of the divorced parents, poked Giovanni in the side. " Mmm. Misery. Sweet, sweet Misery. "

_" SHUT UP ! "_

" Eeek, what a cranky Van Man. "

"_ Shut up...."_

Outside of the car Domino heaved Ash onto a patch of dirt and sighed. By now the boy was fully awake and glaring at the girl as he held on protectively to his hat. " I can't believe you of all human or pokemon beings saved me. And where's Caroline and her fat fellow ?! " he demanded.

" Escaped. "

" Oh. _**WHERE'S PIKACHU ?! "**_

_SMACK !_

_**" YOU KNOW VERY DAMN WELL HE'S WITH GIOVANNI ! "**_ Domino snapped, kicking Ash in the side with her foot. " Geez, don't be such an idiot even for _your_ standards. "

Mewtwo chuckled under his breath while holding Rai's hand. " She's funny, even if she is demon spawn. "

" Hey, isn't that Giovanni ? "

_**" WHERE ?! "**_

Rai pointed to the car. " There. "

The pokemon stared at the car for a moment before furrowing his eyebrows. " I. Hate. My. Life. "

End


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 : Regrouping ?

_Worked on this for a month and I'm finally finished with the chapter, yay ! ^.^ I think I'm somewhat out of my blocking slump, and so I think this chapter was done decently enough. (It'll probably take another three months to go for Chapter 26, though. Sorry. D:) But I tried my best with still keeping the funny in and this is the finished work. I know that with the vague storyline I have stored in my head that this fanfic's limit will probably be thirty chapters. And then whether I do a sequel to this....it's in the air, probably a no 'cause I want to work on other stuff, but if I do it'll probably be a long time since I want to give myself a break. School really breaks down your spirit a lot, although getting done early in Computer Apps class helped me get this all typed quicker. (Fast typer, click-click-click. XD)_

_All righty, then. I'm typing this "heartfelt" A/N rant at 11:30 at night, and I kinda wanna pay some attention to The Shining even though I've already seen the best parts, so I'll wrap things up by saying to enjoy, and thanks so much for your patience - Axy appreciates it very much. =3  
_

* * *

" Communication, please. Over. This is Team Cyborg-Robot attempting to connect lines with Team Ketchup and Team Gary. Over. Respond. Over. "

_Snore. Argue-squabble-argue._

" Hello, is anybody on the line ? Can anyone hear me ? Over. "

_Glass breaking. A Coke falling to its side. The timid squealing of someone offering to clean up the mess._

" Hello ? Can anyone hear me ? Over. "

Conway dove under the table with a grand flourish, pulling on the checkerboard tablecloth with dear life. Max promptly turned off his PokeNav and glared at his older triplet. Lunch hadn't gone as well as the young bluenette had expected. The macaroni and cheese that was served was stale, the atmosphere bland, and Max had a strong thought in his head that the waitress who served him had spat into his drink. Somewhere between battling his mother's goons and waking Conway up with "stun mode," communications with the other groups were also lost, putting Max in a foul mood.

" Brother of mine, you almost broke our only line of communication, " he growled, eyes drifting down at the tablecloth.

" I have every right to hide ! " Conway hissed, fiddling with his glasses nervously. " I spilled my girlfriend's Coke and now she wants to inflict great bodily harm to my torso ! "

" What joy. "

Max turned his head for a few seconds as Roxanne dragged his brother out from under the table by the legs. He watched with amusement at Roxanne flipping Conway into a neighboring table, and Ai and Sherry soaking up the floor with used napkins. Molly took a seat next to the boy and grabbed his hand. " Frustrated ? "

" Yeah. No one's answering. "

Molly squeezed the hand. She leaned against the boy's right arm, sending Butterfree floating into his stomach. " Take your time, hun. Don't get stressed. "

" Thanks for the advice, Mol, but as the team leader, I have a responsibility to fulfill. "

("Since when are you team leade-")

Conway was flipped into another table, courtesy of Roxanne. Molly rolled her eyes, turning Max around so he could look at her. " You're eight ! You don't have to act like an old man yet ! " she said sternly. " You may have a big brain, but you don't have to use it _all _the time, geez. Lighten up and relax like you should with your life. 'Sides- " Molly grinned evilly and snickered. " Mr. Ketchum probably broke his phone, anyway ! "

Max's serious mood disappeared slightly, and his face brightened up a little. " Hehehe, good point, but even so....Misty and her group's phone is probably still intact. "

" If Carrot-Top didn't get a bee in her undies. "

" Oh, Arceus, Molly, don't make me worry like that ! " Max groaned, pulling away from Molly's grip and wiping his forehead. Despite Molly's protests he quickly turned the PokeNav back on and pressed the Talk button, blabbing into the receiver with a newfounded sharpness to his voice. There was also panic in it, but he kept that under control. "-please respond. Over. Anybody, can you hear me ? Over. "

There was a moment's pause, but as Max started for words again, there was a voice on the receiving end, light and airy with some sort of southern accent. " Oh, dear, May, some creepy voice has crawled through my head ! " the voice moaned, slightly anguished. " I dun know whatever this voice came from, but it sure sounds ungodly ! "

A sick realization hit the bluenette of whom the other voice belonged. Sweatdrop forming and quickly growing in size, he let out a sharp sigh and clutched the phone tighter. " Is-Is this Whitney of Goldenrod City ? "

" Erm, why yes, I am. " Puzzlement replaced irrational panic. " Who might this be ? "

" This is Max Maple of Petalburg City. I'm May's brother, " Max introduced himself rather impatiently. " I believe we met during the time we split into groups. Knowing my sister's choice of friends, both of you are in a life-threatening situation involving pokemon ? "

" Of course not, silly ! me and May are just lounging in this nest built by a metal Fearow. I say we're about fifty feet from the ground, but nobody's ever died from a comfy little nest ! "

" Yeah...is there another number I could maybe reach to contact the rest of yuor group ? You seem kinda tied up. "

" Only number I can think of would be the orange-head's cellphone, but I don't have the number. "

" _Ughhh,_ f__king technology ! " The phone was squeezed tighter to the point of not being able to breathe if it had lungs. Impatience instantly switched with total fury. " Well, where are you two ? You all should know that this is no time for slacking off ! We have a maniac to thwart at the moment, if you haven't forgotten ! "

" Tsk. Oh, yeah ! We're right above you watchin' with some nifty binoculars. You know you turn into a cherry face when you're angry ? Tee-hee, silly cherry face ! "

Max slowly looked upward to see two specks dangling their feet over a nest and tree branches. Handing the PokeNav over to Molly, the little boy started to scream out things that no eight-year-old should murmur, regardless of how funny and squeaky their voices might sound. Unbeknown to him Whitney was staring as if someone had struck her with lightning, eyes practically popping out of their sockets, while May was ignoring her companion with earphones as her aid.

Meanwhile, after recovering from some brutal injuries, Conway was staring at Max himself with mild amusement. He pushed his glasses up, placing a bony hand on his younger brother's shoulder. " Ooh, look, Tweedledee and Tweedledum has placed our team leader into a fit. Maybe instead of acting like a moron you should try to get those two down ? "

_" I'M THINKING ! "_ Max snapped. He started to pace back and forth. On one hand the girls were his teammates, with one being a gym leader and and the other being a deceased gym leader's daughters, along with being his sister. On the other hand, they were_ dumb._ Simple addition was a challenge for those two. Before May started out on her journey, she almost killed him with a waffle iron.

She was making an attempt of making homemade waffles and had happily decided that Max should watch on top of the stove. He had willingly obliged, still lacking common sense. The batter was lumpy and smelled odd, but nevertheless May wanted to continue her masterpiece. She carefully cooked on one of the burners with Max sitting right next to the pan, but there was one problem. In order for these things to be waffles, there had to be the crisscross lines that distinguished a waffle from other breakfast meals. Both parents were still sleeping. The waffle iron was conveniently placed in one of the cabinets that was easily accessible to both of them. Turning it on May started to brand the creation when the phone rang, and she nearly swung the waffle iron directly at Max's face as she went to answer the call. With temperatures exceeding 150 degrees Fahrenheit, he would've surely died had the waffle iron touched his skin.

Now he wondered why he never retaliated. Seeing his sister and her friend in the midst of danger actually pleased him in some way. However, he knew that Conway was right. May and Whitney would have to come down from the tree. His moral conscience would later have to be fried upon a skillet like a batch of scrambled eggs. Being a scholarly hero of a popular anime was tiring work at times, especially with a lethal laser built into the body.

Whitney and May continued to frolic upon the treetop, and Max walked over to the table where he was seated earlier. Conway closely peered over his brother's shoulder as the boy started to doodle on a piece of paper. The other stopped wandering and gathered around the table to await some sort of order, ready to listen to the eight-year-old's commands.

Within a few minutes Max was ready, pushing his glasses up his nose. " All right, as we all know, two of Group One's team members are stuck in the tree that's towering right above our heads. Now I've explored what we can do to get them down. Cutting the tree is a big no-no. It would fall on the restaurant and we'd have to pay out big time. "

" Too bad it can't fall on Conway....."

_" SHUT UP YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE HEDGEHOG ! "_

" Just try me, Mr. Inedible Candy Bar. "

" ! ! ! "

" _Ahem_ ! " Max glared at Conway and Sherry, promptly silencing their bickering. " Anyway, I've also thought of using what psychic abilities that we have among us. Unfortunately, Ralts isn't that strong to teleport two teenage girls from a high altitude to here, so that just leaves us with Ai, since Sherry's powers are....uh, unstable. "

He sweatdropped and glanced at Ai, who was staring down at the ground in embarrassment. " Don't feel shy about it, Ai. I'm pretty sure you're the only one of us that can control the natural powers without blowing everyone up. It's a good thing. "

Ai nodded slowly. Sherry furrowed her tiny eyebrows and hopped back onto the girl's head, giving him a sharp look. " Now look here, Four Eyes. You're getting the wrong assumptions. My good friend can control her psychic powers pretty decently, but you gotta remember something. She was revived by a kitty freak, a cloned freak of nature, and a giant chicken-bird. The reality of the situation is that if she _doesn't_ control her powers, she might blow us all up to the moon, just by accident. It's your basic physics lesson. Of course, _you _wouldn't know about that, kid. "

" . . . . . "

Molly pushed Max aside, glaring at the Shaymin. " Don't talk to my man like that ! He's eight ! "

Sherry ignored her, creating more tension in the air by upsetting the girl. Max pulled Molly back and gained composure, once again facing not the hedgehog, but the owner of the head that the hedgehog enjoyed sitting upon at times. " Well, Ai, it's up to you, " he murmured. " I don't wanna push you into something that might upset you. We can always find another way to get those two down. "

" O-Oh, no, it's no trouble at all. I could easily do it, I think, " Ai replied.

" Are you sure ? "

" Um... try it. "

Roxanne and Conway shared a concerned look as Ai gently placed Sherry on the table, decreasing the furniture's value. She stepped over next to the tree and placed her hands over its surface, closing her eyes. The bottom of the tree slowly started to glow a pale blue, and then as quick as lightning, a stronger shade of blue energy flew up the tree, vibrating with an almost electric-like spark. Soon the tree began to shake, along with Ai, Whitney, and May, and several of the pokemon inhabiting the tree quickly fled, including a Furret that fell out of its home in a daze.

And when the Furret started to squeal in protest, blue consumed May and Whitney, both in mild confusion. Molly tugged on one of Max's shirt sleeves. " Look at her, " she breathed, bouncing up and down in joy. " That's our Ai. "

May and Whitney fell to the ground with one blue explosion, dazed and swirly-eyed. Max stared at his sister for a few seconds, amused. Strands of her brown hair covered one swirly eye, and a stream of drool rushed out from the corner of her mouth. She looked dumb, idiotic, and incompetent, but she was his sister. He turned to Molly, smiling warmly. Behind them their friend slid down and slept against the tree, exhausted. " Yep. That's our Ai. "

* * *

There were two sides of the faithful, semi-elderly car. On the inside sat Winona, Shelly, Delia, Mortimer, and Giovanni, who was reluctantly holding Pikachu. Outside, Ash laid on the ground next to Domino's feet, with Rai looking amused and Mewtwo staring directly at the car with bulging eyes. Behind both groups Caroline's headquarters was already half-ash, continuing to burn with a great intensity.

And the tension was unimaginable.

" I see my nemesis, " Mewtwo murmured, eyes bulging even more. " I see him just...sitting there. "

" I see a freaky cat-rabbit thing, " Giovanni said at the same time, glaring at the psychic pokemon. " I have that feeling that he's _staring _at me. "

Shelly rolled her eyes at both parties. " Hey, Van Man, don't you wanna go and confront the freaky cat-rabbit thing ? Besides, I think your kid is with him. He's the stupid-looking one on the ground, right ? "

" Uh-hu- "

Mortimer pushed Giovanni out of the car, sending the man and Pikachu fall to the ground. Immediately the mouse pokemon scurried to Ash and poked his arm, relieved at having his own trainer back. Mewtwo continued to stare at Giovanni, paws shaking. He stood up straight and cleared his throat, resisting the urge to kill everyone. " We meet again, " he stated, attempting to unbulge his eyes.

Giovanni nodded slowly. " Yeah. Uh...how's life ? "

" It sucks ? "

" Fair enough. "

" . . . . . "

" Hey, you think you might be interested in becoming partners aga- "

" _No. _"

Sweatdrops. Giovanni chuckled nervously and put a hand behind his head, slowly turning to Ash. " Uh, I think your mother's worried about your underwear usage. "

" Probably. "

All of the women groaned. Domino clicked her tongue and shook her head. " Geez, Boss, of all the things you could've said after being separated for so long...you've just proven that you are indeed the most quirky leader of all of the evil organizations that are out there. "

" Hey, that was proven ten years ago by an Officer Jenny ! " Giovanni snapped. " I don't need anyone reminding me of _that_ b.s. "

" What about your romantic issues ? "

" Those have already been fixed. "

(Ash) " Liar. "

_" SHUDDUP ! "_ Giovanni grabbed a rock and threw it at his son, face flaring heavily. Ash cackled, spontaneously standing up before running around his father in circles. For once, Domino and Mewtwo decided to join in the tormenting with the simple-minded one, driving the older man closer to Insanity Bridge. Mortimer, who had stood silent for quite some time, scooted across the car seat and also jumped in the evil merrymaking, eager to use his mischievous nature for something.

Meanwhile, Rai walked over to the vehicle and stepped inside, sitting next to Delia. She offered a hand to the exhausted mother, which was willingly shaken with warmth. " My name's Rai, " the Darkrai introduced herself, sounding hoarse and firm. " The purple one with the stupid-looking wig is my boyfriend. Apparently Mr. Blockhead and him have a long and vengeful history, but you should already know that. " She tapped a finger to her chin thoughtfully. " Oh, and your kid's gotta be the most annoying pissant I know. He's lucky that we weren't with him for too long. Never stops squirming around, like a freakin' Aipom. "

" Yeah, both of them *have* been getting more and more threatening phone calls lately, " Delia said simply, glowering at the outside view. " A few days ago I received a call on my cell phone that threatened to kill my entire family if I didn't get a Kyogre. I hung up. "

(Shelly) " Oops. Yeah, I got the wrong number. Sorry 'bout that. "

Winona rolled her eyes. Delia swore under her breath, facepalming herself and once again turning her attention to Rai. Outside, Giovanni was getting angrier at the second and was staring at some decently heavy stones. She could only wonder why she ever decided to talk to him after the divorce. The court battles would've settled themselves, but no, she *had* to interfere and start up communication. Watching Mewtwo's behavior didn't console her, either, nor did it change any opinions. " Men, huh ? "

Rai nodded. " Yep. Arceus's own little play things to amuse himself when he's feeling blue. " She paused, and then addressed everyone in the car. " Hey, ladies, you wanna ditch 'em and go for one of those sodas that are so bad for pokemon ? I'm sure Doms'll take care of the entire situation eventually. "

The other women murmured in favor of the proposition that was being offered to them. Winona reached for the gear shifter and replaced the car in motion, slowly steering it back. It was a good thing to get away from idiotic male influences sometimes. A bubbly orange drink would perhaps temporarily relieve them all with stress. And as Domino, who was just beginning to realize that she was being ditched, stomped around her former boss like a madlady, the flickers of an enemy started to become clear.

* * *

" Lemonade, oooh, pink lemonade ! "

" It's _lady marmalade_, genius. "

" Don't talk to my sister like that ! "

" Whatever. I'm so freakin' bored. "

Oakley smacked Gary in the head with a rolled-up newspaper while Annie restarted her rendition of "Lady Marmalade." The boy swore under his breath, snatching the newspaper from the woman's hand and throwing it on the ground in an instant. " Dammit, woman, don't you _smack _my hand like that ! " he growled, glaring at Oakley.

" Let's see you stop me, you disrespectful little Sneasel. "

" Bring it on, bitch ! "

Both sides grabbed a long stick and started to whack each other combat-style. It had been exactly like this for days. Group Two was slowly being torn up in large pieces. Nobody had really cared for Oakley's arrogant attitude or her teamwork skills, especially Misty and Gary. About two days ago, the situation was so severe that Misty almost swung her mallet of DOOM directly into the woman's face. Luckily, Tracey and Jasmine caught her just in time, and the mallet of DOOM was confiscated until further notice. Misty eventually calmed down with the lack of her beloved tool. Gary, however, was a different story.

Being bored and raised in probably the most rural area of the Great Four's civilized regions, Gary's natural stubbornness and need to succeed in everything made him so that he would never back down from anything. School bullies were never a problem for the great Gary Oak. In fact, _he_ taught _them_ many tricks of the country redneck. Teachers made great victims, with the exception of his kindergarten teacher, who was more of an ultimate nemesis at the time than a victim. Rugged pokemon trainers and thieves didn't bother him, either. The only two times where he ever let his guard down was when he was thrown across the Viridian Gym by that freaky armored pokemon, and when Ash finally defeated him at a battle in the Johto League.

So when Oakley began to get on his nerves, it was like a baseball being thrown at his head. Never one to ignore a challenge, the war began to clash in every way possible and then some. Since Gary did not have a designated weapon or favored tool, it was pretty easy for him to fight with a girl.

_" KYAAAH ! "_ The silver-haired woman raised her leg slightly and kicked Gary's stick out of his hand. She smirked, a smug expression on her face that told the world of her overflowing confidence. Gary bit his lip pensively, furrowing his eyebrows in frustration and lack of weaponry. Knowing that there wasn't a chance to grab anything without letting his guard down, he held one arm close to his face to help brace himself. It would be one battle that he actually doubted he'd win.

The other spectators watched with concern and even with a hint of amusement. Misty handed Phione over to Jasmine and walked over to Tracey, tapping his shoulder. " They're at it again, " she muttered, glowering at the sight and hating that she couldn't be a part of it. " It's been like this for the past three days, and I'm starting to get tired of it. " Code meaning, _Do something._

Ever the composed peacemaker, Tracey nodded. He strode over to the scene and pulled the boy close to his chest. " Hold it there, cowboy. There's no need to fight again with the young lady. We're all friends here, you know. "

" . . . Are you finally trying to come out of the closet or are you just grieving over your loved ones, Mustard Boy ? "

_" I'LL KILL YOU ! "_ The ever-composed peacemaker was held back by Misty and Annie to prevent Gary from turning into a pile of tofu slush. Tracey squirmed like an Ekans but found that it was useless to resist. His face blushed a light red and he felt for his hair, scratching it in embarrassment. A voice in the boy's head still told him to kill Gary, though.

A few minutes after everyone calmed down, they settled around a bunch of branches that were formerly used as part of a campfire. Phione happily squealed in Misty's arms again and gnawed on her fingers gently. A wave of odd serenity seemed to take over the previously hostile group. Tracey leaned his back against a hollow tree and sighed. " You think the others forgot about us ? " he asked finally, hesitant.

Gary rolled his eyes, frustrated that Tracey would ask such a question. He felt up Tracey's pride by looking straight at him. " Of course, stupid, " he stated bluntly. He grunted and smacked Tracey in the head before recrossing his arms. " Lemme ask you all a question of my own, though, starting with you, Mustard Boy. If you were physically restricted to this area and could not have any living contact with anyone besides us, who or what would you miss ? "

Tracey stood silent for a moment but quickly thought of something. " Professor Oak and possibly Domino. "

" _Possibly _? Isn't Blondie, like, your girlfriend ? "

" Yeah. "

" . . . . . " The auburn-haired boy turned to Jasmine and pointed to her. " What about you ? I know you talk. "

Jasmine nodded, that familiar shade of pale pink slowly creeping back upon her face. " My dear Amphy who runs the Lighthouse in Olivine. He's always working himself too hard, and I always worry about him. The last time Whitney, him, and I had a picnic he was starting to come down with the sniffles. "

" And he's your friend ? "

" Oh, yes. He's a very intelligent Ampharos. "

" Good Giratina..." Gary groaned, pointing at Misty. " You ? "

" Ash, " Misty stated simply.

" Wow, the legendaries must've given up on _you_ a long time ago. "

Misty's cheeks immediately flared, clutching Phione close to her chest. " Oh, so just because you still think Ash is a loser you want to say that I'm hopeless ? "

She stood up, glaring at Gary, who also stood up to face her. He grunted angrily, returning the glare. " Hey, don't place words in my mouth, Carrot-Top ! "

" Well, I'm just sick and tired of your insults ! " Misty snapped, absentmindedly searching for the mallet of DOOM that had been confiscated. By now Phione had quickly squirmed out of her clutches and hopped onto Jasmine's lap, leaving the two to quarrel. " You're going on fifteen in just a few weeks ! Why don't you learn to have some compassion ?! "

" I'll give you compassion, you mallet-wielding harpy ! "

Annie pulled her legs close to her and hugged them, groaning. " I would miss all of the jewelry that I have at home. Just sayin'. "

Oakley cackled. " And I'd miss being able to con cops of their hard-earned cash. Ahh, the con-artist's life...."

(Misty & Gary) _" NO ONE CARES ! "_

Both sides ceased their bickering and focused on glaring at Oakley, who merely shrugged at the hateful glances. It would be the right event to focus on, as right behind Oakley two figures slowly scurried across the land. Both were hooded, but one was slightly pudgier than the other and had more of a labored breathing process. " Love, I don't think Imma make it, " the person said, revealing himself to be a man.

" Dammit, Chucky, I told you we can stop walking as soon as we can get tickets to the Archipelago ! " the other person hissed, obviously a woman.

Everyone turned around to see the two fugitives. A smirk spread across Misty's face as she recognized Chuck from her previous adventures with Ash. It wasn't too hard to determine the identity of the other person, either. The blue eyes of the culprit were almost identical to someone she knew. " Well, Ms. Caroline Maple, I never thought that _we'd_ be the ones to catch you, but you're in a deep pile of doodoo right about now. " Pause. " And your little friend, too, " she slyly added, gesturing to Chuck.

Caroline scoffed. " And what are _you _two slack-jawed hillbillies going to do about it ? "

Gary pulled Caroline up in standing position and held her wrists tightly. Tracey accompanied him by doing the same to Chuck. " I dunno, but_ this_ slack-jawed hillbilly has rope. Lots and lots of rope. And we're gonna bring you down, honey. "

* * *

(Ten minutes later)

" We found you. Oh, Mew, we found you. "

Max and his group happily joined with Misty's group in complete harmony. For what seemed like a long time everyone conversed with each other, until Conway pointed out a thickly rope-bound Caroline and Chuck. " Who are they ? "

Gary snorted. " The villains. "

" Oh. " He grinned evilly at the squirming Caroline. " Hi, Mom. Nice to know that you really don't have a beard. "

And everyone burst out laughing, glad that they were almost a complete group once more.

End


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 : An Ending

_And so we're done ! In the beginning I thought of making this two separate chapters, but then in the end I didn't want to chop anything up, and I didn't want to waste another two months making separate chapters, either. I've felt attached to this, but I had no choice but to finally sever the ropes. After all, there really is no end in the world of pokemon. xD Until the end of August, though, Axy is done with school, yay~ It's weird, because the day I'm posting this up is the last day that I had school. xD I'll have a lot of manga to read, and fanfics to both read _and _write. (Since I now know at least three r-l people who are registered on . ^.^ _

_But anyway, this is the end. I doubt if I'll ever do another sequel to this. The plotline would be extremely complicated, and there'd be too many characters for Axy to wrestle around and make them into breathing individuals. Nevertheless, I enjoyed working on this series for the time that I did, and hopefully my warped sense of the pokemon world influenced at least one person. (Well...that'd probably be me, so I guess the joke's on everyone. xD) After this I have a bit more space to work on my other in-progess fanfic, PKC Abridged, some oneshots that will inevitably pop into my head at random, and a lot of German learning. I'd like to thank everyone who's reviewed or favorited this, and maybe in the future I'll write another extremely cracky fic similar to this one. Let's face it, though - ya can't get much crackier than this. XD Enough of my reminiscent rambling, though. I'll let you read, and enjoy or laugh and snicker or whatever the hell you guys do. _

_Oh, and btw. The last line in the chapter makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. It's based off of Naruto Abridged, and I just threw it in there as a parting thought. xD  
_

* * *

" Hey, hey, _hey _! "

Max watched in horror as Misty chased Ash around with her newly-acquired mallet of DOOM # 2. Bought by a wandering street peddler, the wooden tool seemed to have more powerful qualities than the confiscated mallet of DOOM. It sliced the air with a nice whooshing sound, but it wasn't very helpful when Max wanted to silence the large group and not hear screams of terror. Ash's group was the last to arrive, but there came an immediate rush of chaotic fuel. Despite wanting to see him, Misty's line was crossed when Domino was dragging the boy from the car. It wouldn't have been a big ordeal had not Shelly teased her with kinky innuendo, accusing Ash of being a dumb runaway Romeo and Domino a jazzed-up Juliet.

Thus, the blind mallet chasing.

Ash jumped over a bush. The attempt was futile, and Misty swung her weapon over the boy's head. He howled and felt the growing lump appear before falling flat on his face. Domino, Gary, and Oakley started to snicker at the sight, then burst into a fit of cackling as Misty kicked him in the stomach. Giovanni ignored his son's pleas for someone to help, holding Pikachu with a pair of rubber gloves. Meanwhile, Delia gawked at the boy and clicked her tongue. " This wouldn't have happened if you just changed your underwear, honey. You know what I've always said - trouble's right around the corner if you don't wear fresh tightie-whities. "

Laughter turned into a full-scale riot. Everyone who had tried to be polite and not laugh, including Jasmine, was cracking up at the mother's statement. Ash flopped around the ground, punching the dirt in an effort to stop the commotion. " Mom, could you just give it a rest with the underwear ? "

" You know how underwear is an important structure to an important family ! " Delia snapped. " I'm not about to raise a dirty yellowbelly ! "

" But Mo- "

" Your father was the same way. " She furrowed her eyebrows, looking at Giovanni. " Could never get him to change his underwear. Could barely get him to put on his damn pants ! He spent half the time at work, half the time lazing around the house like a bum. "

Giovanni dropped Pikachu and rose from his seat. " You know very well that I only did that because I was wasted and sick and that one jealous mailman shot me in the foot ! "

" Forget the mailman ! "

" You know I'll never forget the mailman. Buns of steel, remember ? "

" D-How was I supposed to know that Spencer was working as a mailman ? "

" I dunno, Delia. How was I supposed to know that he was working his buns of steel to you ? "

" _What _? "

" You heard me right. "

_PUNCH !_

The man fell over to his side, groaning. Delia proceeded to sit on him. She gave a warning glance to Ash, telling him to change his underwear by the end of the day, or else. Noting the silent demand, he decided to nod and Misty beat him to a pulp, if she wished to do so. Fortunately for him, Misty crouched down beside him, rustling his messy hair. " I'd hurt you more, but I think I've got it outta my system. And I'm sure Max wants to move with his plans, so it's best to stop. "

(Shelly) " That's not what Juliet said. "

**_" GRAAAAAAAAWR ! "_**

Misty pulled back out her mallet of DOOM # 2 and proceeded to beat Ash into a pulp. The rest of the group cheered, waving pieces of cloth and their hands around in spirit. Horrified, Max scouted the mass for anyone who was keeping a straight face. No one except Ai and Sherry managed to do that, and Max crossed over to join them.

They were sitting under the tree, the hedgehog taking her usual place on Ai's head. Beside them were Caroline and Chuck, laying facedown in two thick blankets of rope. Max stepped over the villainess and her boyfriend and took a seat next to his friend. He sighed and pinched his glasses. As usual, the pokemon was making an empty rant about something.

"...man, I don't think in my entire years of existence have I _ever_ met someone so stupid, dense, and in bad taste of hair style, " she babbled, snuggling against the nest of hair. " I mean, how does he _not _know that just about every scrawny stick he meets has a thing for him ? "

"...Um, Ai, do you think you could ask Sherry to do a favor for me ? "

Ai's glance looked hopeful, but before she could respond the Shaymin hopped onto Max's head and hung upside-down to face him eye-to-eye, hedgehog to human. " Ask Sherry yourself, Shortstuff. Don't be intimidated by my awesome speeches. What do you want ? "

" Uhhh...do you think you could get it so I can talk to everyone without any interruptions ? "

" I'm not going to kill them all just because your robot parts are screwy, kid. " The hedgehog somersaulted to the ground and went back toward Ai. " You think I'm some sorta god just because I have shape-shifting powers and I can use my vine whip for about thirty different uses. Well, you're wrong. I can get into a lot of trouble. Arceus may be a crab-ass, but he gets angry when deities are zooming around the mainlands trying to zap people with their given powers. Wonder why Dratini are only pseudo-deities ? They did something to Atlantis. Something _bad._ They were turned into an entire cave of Magikarp for _years _in Blackthorn City until he finally turned them back to normal. And most of 'em aren't even right in the head anymore. I remember this one little serpe- "

" I don't think Masato-kun means that, Sherry-san. "

" Suuure he doesn't, " Sherry chuckled. " You know you mean it, right, Max ? A person can only stay sane for a short time before letting themselves go psycho cyborg. "

" No ! "

" Fwhehehe...fine, I'll shut them up. Just remember me when you make your laser beam more lethal. I don't need no frickin' lasers zapping at me, I've had enough of that vengeance crap. "

A powerful Solarbeam was launched at Ash, nearly destroying his pants to a crisp. It was at this point that everyone decided to shut up and listen before it was more than just pants that made a casualty.

* * *

Five minutes later the entire group sat around in a giant circle, with Caroline and Chuck parked near the middle. Max sat on a stump in the center, shuffling through a notebook. Everyone waited as he reviewed the material, scribbling and erasing notes with a mechanical pencil, as if he was in a trance. Ash scratched his burnt pants, glowering at Sherry. The hedgehog acted as if nothing was wrong and that she never almost killed him with a Solarbeam. It was another ten minutes before the little boy would start his speech, and when he did everyone stood attentive and half spaced-out.

" So, um...ladies and gentlemen. " Max scratched his head, allowing dandruff to escape its nest. Half of the group sweatdropped. " Sorry. You know how procrastination runs in the family. But anyway, we finally completed our mission. It took a lot of hours, and I'm pretty sure we upset a lot of people, especially Group One, but we did it. "

" Yay, us ! " Molly cheered.

Ash rolled his eyes. " I know we didn't piss off a lot of people. Just because we're reckless doesn't mean we're reckless _all_ the time. "

_BONK !_

_" IF MAX SAYS YOU'RE A SCREW-UP, THEN YOU'RE A SCREW-UP ! "_

Conway pulled the girl away from her target while Misty snatched back the mallet of DOOM # 2 away from her possession. Once Molly was back to her spot and Ash mumbled that he was okay, Max continued. " Well, Phione and Sherry are in safe hands, and as we can see, the Culinary Cherry and her front-man minion are detained. That concludes this mission as a whole group. " He opened up his notebook. " However, we still need to assure that justice will be served, although frankly, we won't need everybody. Currently we are of twenty-four - nineteen humans, three morphs, and two unmorphed legendaries, along with all of the other pokemon. I figured we could cut back a third of this. Obviously, those who maintain a gym are probably needing to get back to that gym. So, Whitney, Jasmine, and Winona, after this you'll be relieved from your duties. Roxanne, you are also relieved, and I'm sure Conway will tag along when you leave. "

" Pro'lly. He's _your _brother. "

" Annie and Oakley, you ladies can go, too. I know you two have your own lives. "

Oakley grinned. " Back to the thrilling ride of a con-artist. Awesomeness. "

Annie frowned. " Hey, I think I forgot to bring our pokemon with us. Ariados and Espeon must be hungry by now. "

" . . . mewdammit, Annie. "

Max sweatdropped. " Our last relief is Shelly. I dunno where you came from but you can leave. You're kinda a bum. "

Shelly snorted. " Yeah, I knows. Ain't life grand, Maxie-pie ? Just like one freakin' merry-go-round. "

She walked into the forest, wandering off into the deep end like the best of former commanders. Max's sweatdrop grew bigger. " Um...'kay, then. Now that we have that settled, I'll allow anyone to leave voluntarily. It's been a long journey for all of us, and I know that some of you may be tired. So, who wants out ? "

Mortimer cleared his throat. " Us legendaries have been talkin' it over. I mean, little dude with the dorky glasses, it's been a helluva fun time travelin' with Mr. Van Man and his awesome son and all, but we do have a responsibility being deities. Common sense, dude. I know that Phione and I are going for sure. Dunno 'bout Marvin and the others, though. "

Mewtwo groaned. " Enough with the crap, Mort. " He turned to Max. " Look, Maple. Rai and me will be going, but I have some business to deal with first. Hedgehog's on her own. "

" 'Kay, dude. "

Max nodded. " All right, then. Sherry ? "

Sherry shrugged. " Guesso. I need to keep up my dominance with the other Shaymin. "

" Okay. Anyone else ? "

No one responded. The boy shut his notebook. " Then it's adjourned. We'll be heading for Viridian within a couple of days. It's been nice working with you all. "

* * *

Their numbers were diminishing. After saying their farewells, eight of the thirteen leaving were already parted and onto their separate ways. This created a slight hole in the group, but it couldn't be helped. Lives were complicated, places had to be maintained, and the art of conning gullible policemen had to outlive the art of the gullible policeman's innocent work.

However, there were some difficulties among those farewells.

_" BAAAAAAAAWWWW ! "_

May hovered over the pink-haired gym leader, clutching onto her skirt like a chick. Whitney was equal in her grief, wailing the blues of a mangy sheepdog. The two girls, joined with a giant bear-hug, were trying to be pulled apart for time's sake. On one side Gary and Tracey were attempting to pull May off without touching any sensitive spot. On the other side, Jasmine was wrapping her arms around Whitney's waist and trying to pick up her friend. Surprisingly, that method seemed to be more effective, as Whitney was heaved a few inches off the ground. Nevertheless, the hug remained intact despite the gym leader being airborne. May's strength could be compared to that of an Onix, and Whitney's grip was frightening.

" Whitney, I don't like doing this to you, but the trains are going to leave soon and we need to get on them ! "

Jasmine pushed up on her comrade's chest, making a heavy gasp come out from hiding. Whitney shook her head, kicking her legs back and forth. Black and blue marks would eventually appear on Jasmine's scrawny legs, but it couldn't be helped. Her friend was oblivious to anything besides holding onto May a little longer. " I'm sorry, Jas, but a farm girl's gotta stick with her kin ! It's ungodly to abandon at a time like this ! "

" No, it's ungodly that two bimbos like you can manage to fight us off for this long ! " Gary snapped. " Now let go and let the squeaker take you home ! "

" No ! "

She pulled herself toward May again. The brunette let out a sob. " We'll never let anyone come between us. You're like the big sister I always wanted and then Max was dropped on his head ! "

_**" BAAAAAAWWW ! "**_

They stumbled backward, crashing into Tracey. Swirlies in his eyes, he had no choice but to relinquish his grip before he ended up becoming a casualty. Gary growled, tightening his own grip to make up for the loss. Women never ceased to surprise him. " Dammit, woman, you're gonna have to let go sooner or later ! This is no time for your hillbilly horseplay ~ "

A hand flashed from out of nowhere and smacked Gary with a cruel force. His hold on May disappeared, and he fell back into a tree, swirlies regaining their utmost power. This allowed the two girls to take advantage, and with one more brute kick Jasmine was knocked to the ground. Whitney finally let go, glaring daggers at the boys. " You ain't referred to me as no hillbilly ! " she hissed. " I'd like to see _you _try to get away from the mainstream culture and ride on Miltank all day ! City slickers ain't got no respect for the country folk, ungodly cretins. "

" City slickers ? " Gary repeated. " My town's made up of nothing but houses and forest ! We're so small that we don't even have a school ! We had to commute an hour to Viridian City just to get a public education ! I got mauled by a wild Dodrio when I was five ! "

He pulled up his shirt, revealing a claw-shaped scar. Whitney snorted. " That's nothing. I was rolled and stomped on before you were even born ! "

" I'd like to see you to be raised by an old man who started to go cuckoo at thirty ! "

" Hey, insanity rolls in my family ! Three generations of demented genes ! "

" Four, and I've been neighbors with Ketchum for all my life ! "

Whitney's glare faltered, and she rubbed her elbows, letting out a sharp exhale. May pat her hands on the girl's shoulders. " You can't let someone like him beat you ! "

" I'm sorry, hon, but I can't beat being neighbors with the Ketchum boy. That whole family needs holy water sprinkled on 'em. "

She shook off May's touch and turned to Jasmine with a little sigh. " I guess we should be going and partin' ways. Uncle Milton must be havin' a hard time controllin' all those Miltank. I hate leavin' a fellow sister, but sometimes we gotta take responsibility. We'll see each other again, May, darlin'. Don't ya worry. "

" Okay..."

Jasmine grabbed Whitney's hand and they left, going to a path where they'd be separated from the rest. May sank to her knees, letting out choked sobs. Max approached the group, looking hesitant. " Do I really wanna know ? "

Gary rolled his eyes. " 'Course not. "

Meanwhile, on the other side of the group, the situation was more tolerable but just as depressing. Unmorphed and uncovered, Mewtwo knelt besides a teary Ai. Surrounding them were Rai, Sherry, Ash, Delia, and a reluctant Giovanni. It was hard leaving a group when someone's psychic energy levels threatened a region's safety if things spiraled out of hand. Things had to be handled delicately, and unfortunately Mewtwo wasn't the delicate fellow. With a lump in his throat, he remembered how a Gardevoir almost killed him shortly after he started to live independently. She had half the power that Ai wielded, and yet she managed to blow up three buildings and an entire neighborhood's worth of mailboxes. Arceus was obviously not too happy. If the situation went wrong the piece of land they were standing on would become its own continent. The land land of withered plants and loony people, that would make a great postage stamp.

He pawed through her long hair and sighed. It was always him who handled the most difficult scenarios. Maybe that had to do with the curse of the clones.

" You're spacing out again. "

Mewtwo shook off his reveries and snapped to attention at Ai's voice. He cursed himself for not guarding his thoughts again. " Huuuh. Okay. This was a very tough decision to make, Ai. Rai and I spent hours thinking this through. "

" Yeah, I spent hours thinking while you went out and got loaded at the pizza place, " Rai snorted. " Oh, the agony. "

"...We decided that you should live out your life with your cousin and his dysfunctional friends, " Mewtwo finished. " As a normal human being. It's hard for all of us, but Rai and Sherry and me have a responsibility to protect the world from people like Mr. Ketchum and alien space-people...and junk. You know how it is. "

Sherry leaned against Ai, rolling her eyes at Mewtwo. " Yes, like alien space-people and junk. Dork. " She stuck out her tongue and patted Ai's ankle. " We have vacations, just like any normal human. Pokemon festivals and religious ceremonies. Christmas and New Year's. Mardi Gras we get so freakin' wasted that we end up waking up on balconies and roofs. We'll visit you, Ai. Go on a rampage across Kanto, maybe joyride in a couple of shopping carts. Can't offer ya a martini 'til you're twenty-one, though, kid. Meh. Another couple of years and you'll be ready. "

Ai giggled. Delia wrapped her arms around the girl and hugged her. " And we'll have a good time when they're away, sweetie, " she stated, grinning. " I'll get a whole bunch of boxes of cookie dough and comedies for us to use. Raw cookie dough tastes good on a rainy afternoon. "

" Woman's trying to kill us all with her evil baking, " the hedgehog murmured.

Mewtwo chuckled. " See ? You're in decent hands. The only way you'll die with them is from eating evil pastries. And like Sherry said, we'll come to visit. Besides, " he unleashed a wide grin, " you'll have others to spend your days with. "

He pointed to Max and Molly and cackled. Giovanni mumbled something about needing another tent. It was a couple of minutes before Ai burst into a bigger fit of giggles. " Okay, okay, I'll stay with Auntie and Uncle and Ash and Molly-chan and Masato-kun...and Pikachu ! "

" Geez..."

**SHADOW PUNCH !**

Giovanni reached for his stomach. Mewtwo picked up Sherry and patted Ai's hand, standing up to depart for a different lifestyle. He tossed a Snickers bar to the little girl. " Just remember, Ai, that life is indeed wonderful. "

-poofx3~-

" Wait a minute...Myuutsu, this has nuts ! I'm allergic to nuts !..."

* * *

(Two weeks later...)

It was a normal day in Viridian City. As usual, the streets were packed with busy people, and traffic was bustling and jammed with ignorant drivers. Already two pedestrians were injured while crossing the street, and an elderly woman lost her walker to an SUV. Flying about ten feet into the air before crashing into a brick wall, that walker never had a chance. Officer Jenny would later go searching for that walker, tired and distressed. Since more than half of the criminals were mere pickpockets, the police force had been reduced to this. A team of low-life officers and their deputies searching for old ladies' decapitated walkers. If silence was golden, then the sound of metal and plastic crashing were like Chimecho bells.

Across from the mangled walkers was a tall, grand building with the Kantonian flag waving on its lawn. Clean-clipped, violets blooming on the side, dew drops sprinkled on their tops. No child dared to cross the lawn without an adult. The violets would be stomped on, and a stack of penalty fines would be thrown at someone. Last time someone stepped on the violets, 150 dollars had to be dished out on the plate. That was the notorious power of the Viridian City Courthouse.

Inside, the building itself lost no aspect of its serious atmosphere. There wasn't one floor where a lawyer or a judge was absent. Many of them were on their breaks, eating sandwiches or taking drinks from unmarked flasks. Most of them didn't care to deal with business, although a few did carry their cell phones. The art of law was indeed exhausting, but nothing could compare to the featured case, People from all of the major regions scampered for a seat in the audience. Even being a juror would do, anything just to get a looksie at the event.

_/he people of Kanto and Hoenn vs. Caroline Maple and Charles Beech._

Gathered and seated in the two front rows, the jolly group waited for the hearing to commence. In the back were Gary, Tracey, Max, Molly, and Ai, all dressed up in ironed shirts, slacks, and ties for the men. The front row consisted of Ash, Domino, Giovanni, Misty, and May, who were all exhausted yet thrilled to see a possible showdown. It was five minutes to showtime, and Ash was getting restless. He turned to Giovanni and scratched his head. " I can't believe Mom got into jury duty. I thought she hated Mrs. Maple. "

" Your mother's an excellent con-artist, " Giovanni whispered, " and she managed to get us these seats, so be grateful that she's doing that boring job. "

" . . . Dad ? "

" What ? "

" If Mom ever tried to hook up with another gym leader behind your back, what would you do ? "

Giovanni let out a chuckle. " Who were you thinking of ? "

" Mr. Lt. Surge. He's been staring at Mom all day. "

**_" I'LL KILL H I I I M ! "_**

Gary and Tracey pulled the man back into his seat before he could manage to maul Lt. Surge into shreds. A few seconds later, a judge in his black robes graced the room's presence. He twirled his gavel a few times, whistling a random tune before hopping into his seat. The audience sweatdropped. Judge Noname rolled his eyes in response. Some people just didn't know how to loosen up. " We are here for the case of the people of Kanto and Hoenn versus Ms. Caroline Maple and Mr. Charles Beech. The accused party is here for human endangerment, illegal possession of firearms, and at least one count of first-degree murder. Ms. Maple, I'll allow you to make your opening statement. "

Caroline stood up and pushed on the table. She looked at the judge, glanced at the jurors, and grinned at Delia, who was ten seconds away from meeting her own mauling issues. Seeing this made the grin grow wider, and the woman let out a small giggle. " Heh, it's been awhile since I've stood in a courthouse, my apologies. " She pursed her lips. " I see that a lot of accusations have been made upon me, but I have to defend my innocence. We are of just a normal group triying to get through with our lives after the _dismal_ tragedy of my husband, Norman. End of statement, Your Honor. "

" OBJECTION ! " Delia exclaimed, knocking her neighbor's steaming coffee into his lap. " She was selling herself months before Maple got his ropes cut ! "

" Oh, and you think _you're _so innocent ? " Caroline retorted. " I heard noises coming from the bathroom just before sitting on that bench. I wonder why Mr. Ketchum's tie is so loosened. "

" At least he has a tie ! "

_" ENOUGH ! _" Judge Noname banged his gavel, glaring at Delia. " You do *not* object to something when you're _in the jury_ ! "

" Didn't say that in the manual..."

_" NO ONE READS THE MANUAL ANYMORE ! "_ Judge Noname roared. " Miss Ketchum, keep your mouth shut until needed. Mr. Beech, make your statement. "

" My only statement is that if anybody calls me Mr. Beech again, I'll rip their tongue out. It's _Chuck._ "

Judge Noname sighed. " All right, then, _Chuck_. Your preference has been duly noted. I'd now like to proceed to both sides of the case. Mr. Unknown, you may present your side. "

A short, clean-cut man took out a stack of papers and began projecting his dull voice out to the crowd, shuffling the papers as he spoke. He made brief, meaningless gestures with his hands, pretending that the world was his oyster when in reality most of the people were spaced-out. Domino pulled out a set of earphones and plugged them into her iPod and ears, tuning into a classic 90's pop song. Ash ripped out one of the earphones and took a quick sound-check while the girl glared at him. He made a face as " I saw the sign " rolled into his hollow noggin. Scrunching up his nose, he threw the earphone back to Domino, oblivious to the lawyer's gawking. He had stopped his pacing to stand right in front of the boy. Misty was quick to nudge him, and he scrunched up his nose again. " Don't tell me you're into that type of music, too, Mist, " he groaned.

" No, the lawyer's staring right at you ! "

" Oh. " He looked up to see Mr. Unknown meet his confused one with an irritated one. Domino started to snicker. A long pause was held before Ash scratched his head. " Uh, who are you again ? "

**_" ASDFGHJKL;; ! "_**

A few minutes after a briefcase was thrown across the room and Mr. Unknown had to be apprehended by three officers, Judge Noname decided to just let the defense present their side before something burned. Calm and collected, Caroline took the stand. She was very serious, her hands folded in her lap while the jury wrote down notes. During the entire time, Delia kept her eye on the villainess. Something wasn't right, but obviously she couldn't say anything for fear of the powerful taser gun.

Soon Chuck was also brought to the stand, and with primitive speech and grunts he b. his way through the interrogation. Judge Noname listened to his tales with a great reluctance. No one except Delia saw him pull out the poison-tipped needles. With a grunt she hopped from the bench and tackled the big man, creating gasps from everyone. The judge banged on his gavel to silence the crowd, but Delia was quick to interrupt. " Check his hands, Your Honor, check his hands ! "

Chuck threw the needles to the floor before the bailiff could check his hands, but now everyone could see the failed assassination. Delia glanced at Caroline and smirked, enraging the woman into a complete 180. " Chuck, you stupid idiot ! " she howled. " You absolutely cannot do anything right, you dumb, big block of f-king sh-t ! I can't believe I'd trust you with something so complex as this ! "

**_" D-M-BAAAAAAAAAAWWWW ! "_**

The man jumped form Delia's hold and stormed down half the room before four men tackled him and put a pair of ankle-cuffs on him. Judge Noname boomed out that both of the accused would go away from thirty years to life. Someone grabbed Caroline and ushered her and her partner out of the room while the place erupted into cheers, particularly the two front rows. Delia grinned and flashed a victory sign as she skipped down the aisle and punched Giovanni in the arm. " Heh-heh, we did it ! "

Giovanni grinned. " We're having pizza and warm heating pads tonight ! "

" Yay~ ! "

Ash paled and turned to the back row. " And this will be your first experience at two lunatics having kitchen sex where we eat our breakfast. " He placed his hands on Ai's shoulders. " Run for your lives. "

Everyone started another round of giggles, and the group would soon be back to a life of normalcy, or as normal as things got in the land of Kanto. Soon more adventures would be made, more of them half-planned than brilliant. Things may not get better, but times would be much more enjoyable. And Tracey would finally get a new mustard bottle, we'd never know.

**_" COME ON, MONDO ! WE HAVE TO INVADE WITH FILLER ! "_**

**_" MONDO TIRED ! "_**

As the end credits started to play, Lucas and Mondo rode across an unmarked territory with their bicycles, similar to that of wandering trainers. Lucas pounded on his fists as he saw the last name roll up the imaginary screen. **_" NUUUU ! WE'VE GOTTA MAKE THIS ! WE CAN'T FAIL ALL OUR PLANS NOW ! NUUUUUS !..."_**

_"...Saaaandwiiiiich. "_

" Shut. Up. You dirty flirt. "

The END


End file.
